The Peerless Prognosticator Is On the Air! . . . Comedy Night at the World Cup!!

The Peerless Prognosticator is on the freakin’ air, gawd demmit (you’ll have to pardon him, he’s still a little cheesed at the USGDA effort last evening, and he hasn’t yet had his bowl of bran).

Note to US team . . . if you want to look like you’re wearing Rangers third jerseys . . . you’re going to PLAY like you’re wearing Rangers third jerseys. Get it? Winston Churchill once spoke of fighting the enemy “on the beaches, in the air . . . blah blah blah.” Well, the US sucked at even strength . . . and on the power play . . . blah blah blah . . .

As for the Finns, what’s the over-under on Miikka Kiprusoff allowing a goal . . . 150 minutes? He got his second shutout in two tries in this tournament, which was the product of Olaf Kolzig’s soft play in net (hey, it’s the all-purpose excuse for Caps fans, why shouldn’t the Germans have fun).

Today, the teams start winding up the seeding round of this tournament with a pair of contests that promise to test the proposition that hockey fans can’t get enough hockey, ‘cuz this’ll be the last they see of it until Gary Bettman takes a job more in line with his abilities . . . pin changer at Tubby’s Bowling Lanes in Parma, Ohio.

The first game pits the something-less-than-mighty Germans of Germany against the way-not-showing-up Czechs of Republic. Here’s a given . . . this will NOT be a subject of any instructional videos. It’s more of the clearance bin at Blockbuster kind of thing. These teams are a combined 0-4 and have given up 16 goals while scoring only five between them. They make a case for only six teams advancing to the championship round.

The Czechs did, however, play inspired hockey for the last 20 minutes in their game against Sweden, but one must acknowledge the possibility that this was simply a function of blind luck (and Swedes sitting on the bench laughing their meatballs off). The Germans, try as they might, are just out of their league. Sort of like the Caps, only in cooler jerseys.

As for this game, The Peerless is contractually bound to pick a winner, but that takes only one hand (the other engaged in holding his nose). As always, we go to The Cap Factor, and the Germans hold the edge here, 3-1. That being the case, the Czechs will skate off – assuming they don’t trip over one another along the way – to a 3-1 win.

In the second half of the doubleheader, Slovakia takes on the United States of When Did We Forget How to Play Hockey. Now THERE’S one for ESPN Classic in the making. The Peerless gets the feeling that today’s World Cup matches are the hockey equivalent of open mike night at Laughs-R-Us comedy club. These two teams have combined to score a piddling three goals in three games while giving up 10. Geez . . . that’s (add the six, carry the four, divide by . . ) . . . uh, 8 goals scored and 26 allowed for these four teams who are 0-7 over 7 games. I correct myself . . . this is a case for only four teams going to the championship round.

Slovakia has the excuse of having played only one game, and that against the pre-tournament favorite, using a goalie with six games of NHL experience under his belt (half of the whole goalie squad’s experience for the Slovaks). On the other hand, the Americans are playing as if auditioning for an advertisement for an amusement park . . . “American Hockey Team, you’ve just played the most gawd-awful stinkified hockey for two weeks, what’ll you do now?" . . . “we’re going to Lockout World!!”

I do not include Robert Esche in this vitriol. He has emerged as one to watch the next time folks play hockey in anger in the NHL. As for the rest of ‘em, well . . . they’re starting to make watching the NBA this winter a good idea.

But, though we’d rather not, a prognostication is in order here, which means . . . it’s Cap Factor time. The USWDWFHTPH has the 3-2 edge in this one . . . not good for the red, white, and blech. Slovakia will send the Americans into spasms of finger pointing after this one as they scratch out a 3-2 win.