The Peerless Prognosticator is back on the air to bring you the freshest, juiciest, most succulent prongostos you’ll find anywhere . . . they’re freshly squeezed!
We’re now down to the gang of four, the semi-finals. 104 hockey players, playing what might be their last competitive hockey until . . . well, let’s not think about that. We have hockey now, and tonight is the first of the two semi-final matchups. Tonight’s barn-burner pits the Finns of Finland against (cue the fanfare . . .) the YOO-nited States of Gawd Dayum A-MUR-ica.
The teams come to this point from different directions. The Finns come by way of consecutive shutouts to open the tournament, then tying Sweden and vanquishing Germany in the quarterfinal. Except for a hiccup against Sweden, the Finns give the appearance of being a well-oiled machine. On the other side, the A-MUR-icans fell to Canada to open the tournament, then lost to the Russians, fueling speculation that the squad would be replaced by the U.S. mens’ Olympic basketball team to ensure a stronger effort. The A-MUR-icans righted the ship – or at least stopped the leaking – with a something-less-than-comforting 3-1 win over Slovakia. The U.S. managed to put most, if not all the pieces together to eliminate Russia in the quarterfinal, 5-3. To this point, the A-MUR-icans looked to be more “well-oiled” than a machine. The grittiest effort thus far has been Brett Hull making as complete an ass of one’s self as one can . . . off the ice.
So, welcome to the semi-final of The Toyota World Cup of Hockey, a cooperative venture of the National Hockey League and the National Hockey League Players Association . . . and just how weird is that?
With the league having rejected the players’ proposal (Commissioner Bettman is said to have remarked at the end of the meeting, “we weren’t even talking the same language” -- the league was speaking Aramaic, the players’ association, Klingon), we’re left to witness what the true spirit of cooperation is . . . on the ice . . . with guys carrying large sticks and propelling themselves at high rates of speed into one another’s bodies.
As for the games and the teams, the Finns have spread the wealth around. Eleven players have goals (none with more than two), 16 have points. Only five A-MUR-icans have goals -- Keith Tkachuk (gesundheit) has half of those – and ten have points. No Finn is on the minus side of the plus-minus ledger, while eight A-MUR-icans find themselves there . . . Brett Hull is not one of them (then again, he’s not one of the ones who have scored, either).
Without Robert Esche and Keith Tkachuk (who’s contribution is more or less the one game against the Russians in the quarters), the USGDA is thinking more about club selection on the par-3 than how to solve Miikka Kiprusoff. The trouble is, as well as Esche has played, Kiprusoff has been better.
And, the US leads in The Cap Factor, 3-0.
Patriotism aside, one can see the Finns scoring by “ooh” (Teemu from Koivu and Ruutu) and “ohh” (Tuomo from Mikko and Niko). The USGDA doesn’t have the balance the Finns have and frankly haven’t yet played what one might call an “inspired” game. The result will probably turn on the manner in which the game is called by the gray-shirts . . . the USGDA is petitioning to have no refs in this contest. If they “let ‘em play,” if it is a physical affair, the US has the puncher’s chance (to borrow a boxing, not a hockey metaphor). If it’s more free-wheeling . . . well, golf awaits . . . lots and lots of . . . golf.
Hope they have their clubs . . . 4-2, Finland.
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Play hard, shake hands, drink beer.
"LA needs two hockey teams like Switzerland needs two navies" -- Norman Chad (from "My 10-Point Plan to Save Gary Bettman from Himself")
