Friends this is in response to Gina's request about a Christmas poem..
I have mentioned my friend "HEAVY" on occaision and here is a poem we did a few years ago. We were just goofing off after he mentioned he was putting up his yard decorations and I offered to help.
Enjoy.. I took the liberty of mixing his version and my version togeather...
Xmas Decorations By Bill “HEAVY” Macfarlane
The Holiday Decorations Dell “MULE” Mangum
We each wrote a poem about Christmas Decorations … Heavy wrote his version and I wrote back… Now here they are together….
(H)
There we were on a Saturday, with not too much to do.
The wife came in and took a look, said "what you gonna do?"
"Think I'll hang those Christmas lights and put up our display".
Ole Ma she kinda grunted, "Can ya get em down by May"?
I didn't even answer as I headed out the door.
My track record wasn't all that good; I'd try to even up the score.
So I started off to do my task and get out all our stuff.
I dressed with some "provisions" so I could be real tough.
I think I would have been okay if I was out there all-alone.
But soon I was informed of help a coming via the telephone.
Well here they came and about half drunk to help me with my task.
We had gone damned near five minutes, when someone found my flask.
(M)
It’s a good thing that I came over to help ya put up your Holiday display.
At the rate that you were going, you would have been all day.
I need to apologize for the other helpers that were rushing all about.
They were hurrying to finish up the job before all the booze ran out.
They will all come back some time next week to help straighten it up some,
But they thought that they’d leave early to get um some more rum.
(H)
Well we drank to everybody's health, and then to everyone we knew.
Then we started fresh to do the job that we'd started out to do.
The booze was flowin faster than the parts were disappearin.
The neighbors were showin some concern about the language they were hearin'.
(M)
The neighbors probably had good reason to complain about the noise,
What with all of us singing way off key about Santa and all those toys.
You really should have listened when I warned about the cops.
But no, you just kept twisting lids off more of them barley pops!
(H)
We thought we'd been real good and rather kinda quiet.
Little did we know, we got turned in for havin us a riot.
So the cops arrived and we were glad they finally found their mess.
The only problem that we had was, it was at our home address.
The cop in charge said, "Who owns this? You ought to be ashamed!
You've got this stuff displayed in such away, you will certainly be blamed".
I didn't really realize till then, what all had been transpired.
Because by then I was about half drunk and getting kinda tired.
I looked up on the porch to see just what we had completed.
It was rather kinda obvious we were handsomely defeated.
The sleigh was full of empties! The reindeer were spread out on the lawn!
Rudolph had his head up an angel’s skirts, or perhaps it was just plain gone!
(M)
It was probably a good thing that it was a nice big open sleigh.
It makes it easier to recycle all those empties when you take it down next May.
Those reindeer scattered on the lawn had once been on the roof.
But nobody remembered to fasten them down with a wire around each hoof.
You will probably locate Rudolph’s head, hanging on your fireplace wall.
Even with all the help, we had a tuff time getting it down the hall.
(H)
Mrs. Claus was in the bushes doing something with a lively little elf.
Santa was standing in the doorway of the shop, doing something by himself.
Frosty the Snowman was leaning on a broom, and in his hand he held a glass.
I ask your honest opinion. “ Hasn't this scene got class?”
(M)
What is Mrs. Claus doing with that elf out there behind those trees?
She’s trying to help the drunken little fool put on a set of skis.
As for Santa, he was still busy working in his shop.
He said he needed to make some repairs; he doesn’t ever get to stop.
Your snowman with the challis in his hand and the broom to lean upon,
Is covering up the fire-pit, that Santa’s helpers burnt in your lawn.
(H)
The three wise men must have got lost or couldn’t find their way.
I asked everyone where they were, but none of them would say.
I think they brought along a donkey but I was too afraid to ask.
I figure it got sodomized by the last dummy with the flask.
(M)
You asked about the missing wise men that came riding in from the west.
They left just after lunch; they said they were on a quest!
(H)
The cop's finally quit a laughin and asked if we would quit.
Me in all my drunkenness, I kinda threw a fit.
I said, "I know you think this crew, really isn't all that bright"
Well, come back in about three more hours, we're gonna turn on the lights!
(M)
Those deputies that you said were humbled by the splendor of your display,
Were still laughing down at the donut shop over coffee the next day.
When you finished stringing up the lights on your out-door Christmas tree.
You should have used stuff with a UL tag; not that stuff you got for free.
It was kinda exciting when you plugged them in to give it all a test.
The resulting glow out-shone the sun as it was going down the west.
Next time my friend, I suggest, you get new lights with built-in blinkers.
Don’t use the electric-fencer, or you’ll end up with a yard full of clinkers.
The end, Merry Christmas "Heavy" 12-12- 00
The End ….. Merry Christmas “MULE” 12-13-00
E-Mail me at target@ida.net ask for a copy and I'll send an attachment your way