A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The Blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

"There's no charge," she says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the blonde says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I just switched the heads."

Since I’m 10-minutes to dead anyway, I want The Blonde Mortician to do my funeral, She can put my head on President Bush. Sure, he’s still alive but he proved to me you can be brain-dead and still run the United States of America. Besides, this way I can be buried under my own popularity polls.

The Universe

You better be careful. Don't you know that you just don't mess with Texans.


"If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that man's head."
Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower discussing President George Bush's policies.

Especially the ones that move for Texas to Washington D.C. (right Mac?)

And I think someone undercut the Agriculture Commissioner, because there seems to be an endless supply of ignorance running this country these days. Yep GW, it's a gusher!

The Universe

One Dark Night a Morticians assistent was working late at his new job in the Mortuary. While he was in another part of the building the Morticians Friend who was like Otis from the Andy Griffith Show let himself into the Mortuary Room. He then got up on a long mortuary table, pulled a sheet to his chest and set about to sleep off the drunk as he usually did once a week.
Shortly thereafter the Morticians
assistent who was working late came into the silent dark room where the bodies were kept. Seeing the body on the table he finished pulling the sheet over its face.
Suddenly the body or the drunk (unbeknowest to the Morticians Assisstent ) started to sit up.
They say the Morticians assistent lket out a scream that could be heard a couple of blocks away, tore open the door and ran screaming down the street.

A similar thing happened in the Doctor Who Fox New Years Special I have when the Doctor believed to be dead was put in a room in the hospital mortuary where bodies were kept. The assistent had been watching a Frankenstein Movie on TV then heard a loud pounding. Then as he watched the Metal ? Door to the Mortuary Room where the Doctor had been placed dented then came open. The Doctor wrapped in a buriel robe came out of the buriel room to the Assistents horror as the Frankenstein Movie on TV showed Frankensteins monster coming to life.
I think the assistent fainted.

I wonder if it had been Jesus Christ what would have happened if I saw him come out of his tomb.

SWEET DREAMS AND REMEMBER WHERE YOUR TOWEL IS

Timeloyd Rich GALACTIC PICNIC INFRO. AND GALACTIC ORDER OF TOWELERS GalacticPicnic@RespectThePlanet.comMSN MESSENGER Buddy List ~ Timeloyd@webtv.net Taimm@webtv.net [_-_}+ http://community.webtv.net/Taimloyd/FORAGINGTHEEDIBLE http://community.webtv.net/Taimloyd/SMUDGINGCEREMONY HAVE A FANTASTIC AND MARVELOUSLY SHININ YEAR REMEMBER WHERE YOUR TOWEL IS DNA4FR IS [o__} : : : : http://community.webtv.net/Timeloyd/GALACTICHITCHHIKER REMEMBER WHERE YOUR TOWEL IS DNA4FR