Everybody favours love and friendship but that's different for me. Love and friendship relationships have always caused me to have the deepest emotional pain. I realize that I should not love anybody and should not be close friend with anybody otherwise I suffer severely. I dont say that I love loneliness much. Nevertheless, I think, contrary to general opinion, loneliness is not a bad situation for some people. There are some people who love loneliness. They are usually diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. I am not a fanatic of loneliness but loneliness is not very boring for me. It is not a disturbing idea for me to live like Robinson Crusoe did for the rest of my life. However, I am not alone. There are many people around me but I dont love any of them and I am not close friends with any of them. I refuse close relationships anymore. My major principle of living is instead of having a few love or close friendship relationships, prefering many distant relationships. I am the only close friend of mine. I love only myself. I trust only myself.
I refuse all of the possible value judgements (traditional, religious, modern, personal, etc) What I have learned from what I have experienced is that close friendships, love relationships and value judgements have always been the triggers of my major depressions.
Do you think I have some cognitive distortions?
yevgeny
Posted on Apr 6, 2002, 2:21 PM from IP address 213.243.30.4