A ventriloquist is visiting Newcastle.
He is walking past a farmhouse on the outskirts of Byker and sees a local sitting on the veranda patting his dog.
He decides to have a bit fun, so he says to the Mag,
'Hello. Mind if I talk to your dog?'
Mag: 'The dog doesn't taak, yer dafcun'
Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'
Dog: ‘Aye, canny, doin' aal reet.'
Mag: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (pointing at the Mag)
Dog: 'Yep'
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you then?'
Dog: 'Canny, man, real good. Walks me twice a day, feeds me great scra and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'
Mag: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Mag: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Cool'
Mag: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the Mag)
Horse: 'Yep'
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: ‘Aal reet, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the elements.'
Mag: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
Mag: 'That sheep's a f***ing' liar......'

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"Increasingly a shag now stands for syphilis, herpes, anal warts and gonorrhoea."

possibly the worst joke i've ever heard.

0/10

why did he have so many animals just hanging around.

you fucking cock.

are you a ginger, bed-wetting mackem from a poor family by any chance?

because it's a farmhouse you bloody idiot

i thought it was quite good. 7/10 maybe

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Good boy, have a biscuit, you prick!