All whosoever read this shall hence know the supreme quasitical influence, charm, elegance, gorgeous good looks, and all powerful divinity that is Dandelion! I, of course, would be Dandelion, and all that is true, except for everything after the first part. The Master summoned me to the Primes from a comfortable life tending the Pillar of Skulls. Wretched place, the Primes. Lucky for me the Master was someone questing to change the filth of Toril. But I scatter my thoughts. Allow me to begin again.
The Master summoned me to the Primes while on an excursion in some scummy castle. Whomever lived there was probably very proud of it, but the heaps of troll dung scattered about likened it more to a public craphouse. Anyway, I materialized on the material plane facing my new Master. The incantation he cast - Find Familiar - chose me (of all beings!) to... serve... him. Dandelion is not stupid! He knows the fate of familiars! The host binds the life force of some... lesser!... creature to his own. Dandelion!? LESSER?! To an elf? Pfagh!
"PRIME! YOU HAVE GATED THE ALL-POWERFUL DANDELION. APPEASE HIM OR YOUR LIFE IS FORFEIT!" I mounted my offense, yes. The Master is not a particularly clever man, though I knew this not at the time.
"Where is he?"
"(Erf!) *AHEM* FOOL! DANDELION SPEAKS TO YOU NOW. APPEASE HIM, MORTAL, OR SPEND ETERNITY PLAYING BINGO WITH BLUE-HAIRS."
"Come now, into my pack."
"DANDELION RESIDES IN NO SMELLY BACKPACKS! APPEASE HIM! BRING DANDELION THE HEAD OF A SNIPE!"
The Master then smacked me around quite thoroughly and stuffed me in his pack. I did my best to eliminate profusely, which made Master even angrier. He cleaned his pack out by emptying it (and me!) into a large cauldron of stewing dogmet! I barely managed to fly out of the pot, and for that the Master smacked me. And throttled me. And choked me. Then kicked me a good deal. I hoped Master was as practical as he was cruel.
"WAIT! Abuse not! Bound we are! If Dandelion dies, consequences for you!"
"Dandelion?'
"Yes, yes, Dandelion speaks to you."
"Dandelion the Quasit?"
"Yes, foo-! Yes, fond master! Abuse not."
"Why are you called Dandelion?"
Bah! Finally Dandelion could have rid himself of this accursed name but his penchant for speaking in third-person thwarted him! "Erm. Dandelion... smells like the Prime foliage of similar name."
The master sauntered over and knelt down. Dandelion cowered! Shook in terror! After the rough beating even you would fear an elf! "Abuse not! Abuse not!!" But Master gently lifted Dandelion to his face and sniffed him.
"You do."
"...do?"
"Smell like dandelions."
"Bah!"