...Or perhaps it's because you're the mental equivalent of a sack of dry rat shit.

> I could make all kinds of guesses; I stay because I need the abuse or else I'll get my ego bloated again,

What ego? You never do anything right with enough consistency to DEVELOP one? Are you saying that you need to be constantly reminded what an asshole you are so that you won't let it go to your head when you pat yourself on the back?

> I stay because I have nothing better to do,

You have nothing better to do, so you figure you might as well stick around in a place where the vast majority hates your guts. Beautiful.

> I stay because I'm completely fucking batshit insane.

Cut out that last 's', and you're pretty close.

> But the bottom line is, I just don't know.

Then why don't you take some time off somewhere far, far the fuck away and think it over?