Okay, Bond, let's have this conversation. The rest of you can read this, too.
August 17 2003 at 2:31 AM
(no login) from IP address 65.117.210.105
It has reached my ears that apparently, a great many of you are convinced that I think you are idiots.
You may rest assured that you have nothing to worry about. As has been noted before by others, I try to let everyone know exactly what I think of them at any given time. If I think you're an idiot, I have fucking let you know. If there is any doubt in your mind about my opinion of you, either assume that you have left no lasting impression in my mind (unlikely), or drop me an e-mail.
(If you have a decent enough impression of yourself that what I think of you doesn't matter to you one way or the other: good. That's as it should be. But I have been hearing through intermediaries that a lot of you appear to think that I will smite you with thunderbolts if you dare approach me, which is frankly untrue.)
The exceptions here are Bond and Gengen. Gengen, I have aired my issues with you at just and copious length. I have no intention of doing so again, save this: stay the fuck out of my sight.
Bond, you have just posted on the Ballad. Your post includes this sentence:
"Hi. For the four of you who may not know me, I'm the annoying kid that everybody hates yet you can't get rid ofTM."
Look, fuckaround, the fact that you can make that statement should've been your first god damn warning sign. I thought of you as a particularly annoying, obsequious fanboy before the infamous C-Ko's incident, which, as I've mentioned, I caught hell for, because MOT and QS are tangentially affiliated.
Your actions between then and now have, thankfully, been largely outside of my perception. Good move. But now you post on the Ballad, basically flaunting the fact that you are the cancer on the ass of any community you soil with your presence?
If you had the common sense and capacity for self-analysis of half a ton of peat moss, you'd've realized that a statement like that is not cute, or funny. It is, in fact, vaguely pathetic if it is true by half.
I can't speak for anyone in Quasispace, obviously. But for myself, I can say this: realize that the statement you have made contains more than a grain of horrible, obvious truth. Perhaps others are too polite to tell you this, but from where I'm sitting, you are apparently here because you enjoy the abuse. You are the annoying kid who, for whatever reason, won't leave.
Actually I think it's mostly just me who thinks that.
August 17 2003, 3:34 AM
I remember you saying something about dub getting a rather negative welcome to the Shinji chat room just because he was associated with QS, and thus, Pond. I just didn't want to risk stirring the proverbial cauldron anymore then it needed to be.
Which I know sounds weird coming from ME of all people, but hey, #OR ain't my cauldron.
As for the rest of the post: Wilde, I love you forever.
As for you, Pond...well, if what TW is reporting is the truth, which I don't doubt for a second, I can safely say that you should give me a wide berth as well.
The problem is that [from my view] he is still here because he likes causing trouble, which to me suggests that a good way to get rid of him [or at least get him to behave properly] would be to just ignore him whenever he makes an ass out of himself [especially when he does it just for the attention].
Furthermore, people like that are [again in my opinion] too stupid to listen when told to do the sensible thing. Fact is, once Lysander reads this, he'll probably just try to annoy everyone again.
I'm never good at starting a post or a story or an essay or whatever when I feel strongly about the topic. I've got several thoughts here I'm trying to express, but I'm not quite sure how to say them. I'm basically letting my subconscious take over in a stream-of-thought sort of way in the hopes that this will sort of switch over into what I want to say. ...It didn't work. Fuck.
Look, I just want to get one thing clear. You can hate me for being an idiot, because I've fucked up incredibly and idiotically on several occasions. But know this: I am not mearly here to cause trouble. I find that behavior idiotic and, frankly, pointless. So I don't do that.
Why do I keep coming here even though half the community wants to kill me and the other half doesn't particularly care? I mean, let's be honest here: no one likes me. So why do I stay? Well, I really don't know. I do say this, though: I have learned a lot from being here. I've learned how to better express myself, that I'm not the biggest bestest funniest mufuckeh in the world just because I may be that in this tiny, backwater town I live in. (I can't believe I thought that. God, that was morronic.) I've learned to, basically, wake up. When I first showed up I barely put any thought into anything. I didn't even put any thought into signing up for Quasispace. I just found the website one day and thought "ooo, lookees, funny MiSTing group! Why don't I join it?" And I did just that. Now, someone with actual, ahaha, brains would have looked at the boards for a few days, seen the way things ran, get the general personalities of the regular posters, then popped up and say hi. I didn't even look around to see what the cast was for the MiSTing you were doing. I was so stupid that I thought that just because you had chapter 4 of OMF that meant that that was the only chapter you were doing. So, yeah. My introduction was, in no uncertain terms, one big gigantic clusterfuck. When I left for a few months, I had honestly thought that that was it. I think I came back in September kind of on a whim. Mainly because I thought, well, I've wisened up from that, at least a little... And, well, I think I've done *better*, at least. Look, I know that I'm not as smart as, well, everyone here. I don't even compare to some of you. That is why I made that statement on that balad, because dammit, I know that its true. But my solution to it is not to just leave, but I try to get smarter, get funnier, and actually do things that can get me some goddamn respect on this board. But it never works. Because, for some tragic and unexplained reason, I seem to have a terrible curse wherein whenever I try to do something, I spectacularly fuck it up. Exibbet A: these goddamn motherfucking episode summaries. I mean, how hard can it be to summarize the plot of a couple MiSTings? And yet I can't get that right until I make myself look stupid correcting some very stupid and obvious mistakes.
Where am I going with this? Well, I just want to say that, yes, I have enjoyed my time here. Not because I enjoy the abuse, but because I've found this place to be, don't laugh, an inspiration. I spend far, far too much time online. I freely admit that. I need some goddamn perspective. But in the meantime, falling flat on my ass and catching hell has, I really think, made me a better person socially. So... thank you, everyone, for not using the kid gloves.
You can rend your garment and tear your flesh and whip yourself with briar bushes all you like. Point is, you will continue to keep fucking up until you take a step outside yourself and realize what you look like to others.
You are young, a high school kid, and therefore, you are entitled to more than your fair share of incredibly inane social mistakes, particularly in this here intarweb, where social codes change from site to site.
But let me break this down for you. You have been informed at copious length that you have fucked up; you may, in fact, aspire to the horrible bestowed title of "fuckup."
Your reaction to this is not to shut the fuck up and go away, perhaps to return at a much later date armed with foreknowledge and restraint. You stick around, like the drunk guy at five in the morning who thinks the party's still going, and continue to make yourself a highly visible pain in the ass. You are apparently aware of this and you continue to stick around.
I don't care how stupid you think you are. Don't you think that's, I don't know, completely fucking backwards retarded?!
As a matter of fact, yes, I do. I honestly don't know why I stick around. [N/M/T]
August 17 2003, 6:47 PM
I could make all kinds of guesses; I stay because I need the abuse or else I'll get my ego bloated again, I stay because I have nothing better to do, I stay because I'm completely fucking batshit insane.
...Or perhaps it's because you're the mental equivalent of a sack of dry rat shit.
August 18 2003, 1:00 AM
> I could make all kinds of guesses; I stay because I need the abuse or else I'll get my ego bloated again,
What ego? You never do anything right with enough consistency to DEVELOP one? Are you saying that you need to be constantly reminded what an asshole you are so that you won't let it go to your head when you pat yourself on the back?
> I stay because I have nothing better to do,
You have nothing better to do, so you figure you might as well stick around in a place where the vast majority hates your guts. Beautiful.
> I stay because I'm completely fucking batshit insane.
Cut out that last 's', and you're pretty close.
> But the bottom line is, I just don't know.
Then why don't you take some time off somewhere far, far the fuck away and think it over?
No, he's just a proud graduate of my correspondence course.
August 18 2003, 3:36 AM
Only $18.95 American per month, and you too can be a vaguely bitter, professionally trained wordsmith who can put the fear of God into people with only a few carefully-phrased paragraphs!
Act now, and I'll throw in my autobiography, Five Thousand Ways To Use the Word 'Fuck,' absolutely free.