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Happy people.... are a disease, a cancer of this planet, they are a plague, and we are the cure."
~ Robert Smith on The Cure
The Cure are a Goth band from a cave somewhere in Northern England where it's dark enough for them to survive without being burnt by the sun. They make dark, depressing Goth-type music and are known for their propensity to drinking stupendous amounts of alcohol. They tend to attract fans who dress all in black all of the time, even in the middle of summer; write deep, meaningful and atrociously melancholic poetry, often dream of killing themselves and desperately need haircuts. The Cure are now officially rock dinosaurs, having been around since 1979.
Contents
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* 1 Band History
* 2 Major Releases
* 3 Criteria to be Met in Order to Be Able to Listen to The Cure's Music
* 4 External Links:
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Band History
In 1979, Robert Smith and some other jerks joined together for the purpose of curing cancer. Somehow, they came to the conclusion that music was key, so they formed The Easy and Quite Swift and Painless Cure for Cancer, AIDS, and Other Various Ailments (later shorted to just “The Cure”). It started auspiciously, with the young Smith filled with hope and dreams. Then, in 1981, Morrissey told Smith, “You idiot, everyone knows that music can’t cure cancer!” (At the time it was believed that music and cancer were unrelated, later it was discovered that while music cannot cure cancer, it can cause it) Thus the seeds of bitter rivalry were sown.
Meanwhile, Morrissey’s comment made Robert Smith very, very sad. He began to don complete drag (previously he had only worn women’s panties, then only as a comfort thing), encouraged by friend and fellow drag queen Siouxsie Sioux. His bandmates went along with it for a few years, but the band began losing members left and right. Thatonejerk noted, after leaving the band, “why does everyone say they wear panties ‘for comfort?’ They’re a bad in the ass. Literally!”
In 1989, Smith sacked his best friend and co-founder of the band, Lol Tolhurst, who pretended to play keyboards (as he was usually too drunk to play them, Smith normally did the actual playing) for not being drunk and depressed enough for The Cure's style. Tolhurst subsequently took Smith to court for unfair dismissal, accusing him of being a raging alcoholic with delusions of taking over the world. Smith suddenly changed his tune and now likewise accused Tolhurst of being an bumbling alcoholic who "still wouldn't know a keyboard even if you shoved it up his arse". The case became a joke as Smith and Tolhurst had both turned up to court totally smashed and were just standing there taunting each other and calling each other things like "boozer", "bozo", "wino", "alco", "turdface", which went on for about an hour until the judge dismissed the case and ordered them both to detox clinics. Tolhurst was not re-hired.
Due to internal pressure, they broke up in January 1985, but reformed three months later. This pattern of breaking up and reforming continued well into the 90's, until 1994, when Robert Smith was killed in an epic battle with Morrissey.
However, in 1999 Smith returned as a ghost, fulfilling the fantasies of his legions of Goth fans, re-formed the band and subsequently successfully recorded and released two more studio albums as well as a host of compilations and re-mastered editions with really bad sounding demo versions of the Cure's early songs. On being a ghost Smith has stated: "It's bloody fantastic. I don't need to spend hours in the make-up studio to make myself look like a ghost anymore. I just get out of bed, and presto! I'm already looking deathly pale. I guess that's because, I'm like really dead now, hey, not just pretending to be."
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Major Releases
* Three Imaginary Boys (1979). Three Imaginary Boys was inspired after Smith read the preface of Sartre's classic work Being and Nothingness and subsequently decided that neither he not the other two band members actually existed, but were actually a product of an LSD hallucination. It features the eerily prophetic Killing an Arab, which deals with George Bush's invasion of Iraq in 2004. The lyrics forespell: Standing on a beach with a gun in my hand/I'm the stranger/Killing an Arab. Spooky.
* 17 Seconds (1980). The title refers both to how long it took the band to record the album and the playing length of the album. As they had run out of money for drugs and beer one night, they decided to produce a vastly minimalist work in order to make a quick buck. The production reflects the decision.
* Faith (1981). This first of two "experimental" albums deals with Smith's short-lived but disastrous flirtation with US-style fundamentalist pentecostal Christianity. Bright, uplifiting songs of praise and worship such as The Holy Hour and the title track were not at all well received by the band's growing legion of Goth fans and the band quickly abandoned the project.
* Pornography (1982). This second of two "experimental" albums was even less well received than the first. To distance himself from his previous Christian stance, Smith decided for some reason to release a whole album of songs dealing with explicit sex and XXX-pornography. Not only did, once again, the band's legion of Goth fans loudly protested, Goths being much too ephemeral and serious for such crass subject matters, but the album was given an X-rating in many countries, meaning it was only available in dingy sex shops, most of which were totally uninterested in stocking a record by an obscure UK Goth act. The record subsequently sank without a trace and is now considered a precious collectors item.
* Japanese Whispers (1983). Changing direction completely, the next album was sung completely in Japanese as Smith had on an amphetamine induced whim decided to learn Japanese. Hit singles included the now legendary 私達は寝る and 歩行. The video for the last single 愛猫, featuring a bunch of cats being abused by obviously drug-fucked band members however led to a major RSPCA investigation after a cleaner found 23 dead cats while cleaning up the set after the shoot. Notwithstanding, fans took well to the Japanese angle, Japanese being seen as both exotic and waiflike enough to fulfil Goth criteria.
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Criteria to be Met in Order to Be Able to Listen to The Cure's Music
Not just anyone can listen to The Cure. To be able to listen to The Cure's music without catastrophic and life-threatening side effects occurring it is first necessary to fulfil the following conditions:
* You must be suffering from major depression, preferably in conjunction with chronic alcoholism.
* You need to be an active member of the exclusive Goth subculture.
* You must be a believer in the philosophical theory of existentialism, believing all existence is totally meaningless and the only things you can believe in is angst and despair. [Note: as the emotion of angst has been copyrighted by Goths, you need to hold an active Goth license before you can believe in it, otherwise you may be sued.]
* You should have written lots of really bad, depressing poetry, bemoaning the futility of existence and forced the people who used to beyour friends, before you made them read your poetry, to read them all.
If you can answer "yes" to all of the above you are ready to listen to The Cure, although chances are you probably already are anyway.
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External Links:
* The Cure Message board [[1]]
* Official Website [[2]]
* The Cure Fansite [[3]]
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Categories: Ugly | Musicians | Goth
