You can only speak in wry one liners and seem to like killing people. You may be trapped in a lame genre film.



Do you feel an uncontrollable desire to start your car by punching through the glass of the drivers door, then ripping wires from under the steering column?

Whenever you shift into gear and release the handbrake, does Kenny Loggins start playing?

Do you cross the road by running into heavy traffic causing cars to squeal their brakes while you steady yourself on their hoods?

Has your black superior officer given you just "twenty-four more hours" to crack this case"? Will he "have your badge" if you "screw up"?

And before bedtime, do you feel it is likely you will be lured into some kind of climactic shoot-out in a hall of mirrors?

Are any of the following people nearby, sneering: Michael Ironside, Joss Ackland, Lance Henriksen, Carl Weathers, James Belushi, Eric Roberts, Jon Voight, Gary Busey, Danny Trejo, Christopher Walken, Tim Curry, Kiefer Sutherland, Bolo Yeung, Brion James, Frank Langella, or Will Patton?

Are you divorced and live in a cruddy little apartment because your wife got the house and custody of the child, whose birthday you nearly always forget?

Is the arch-villian's base conveniently situated in an abandoned chemical factory near the old docks. Helpfully, does it have miles of ventiation ducting which, for no clear reason, has been built big enough to hold a man?

Before heading to this base, do you have a strange urge to wordlessly prepare and sheath guns, knives, grenades and a crossbow?

When shown on network television, does your dialogue contains words like "motherfarmer", "freak you" and "sockcutter"?

Does the arch-villain have a female martial arts sidekick of questionable sexuality who appears to want to rough up your female sidekick in a lengthy yet strangely bloodless fight?

Does a sort of 'king' henchman who is larger/blonder than the rest and doesn't really say much keep appearing?

Have you ever run from a burning building and flung yourself headlong behind a conveniently placed mound of earth at the precise moment the building explodes, thus ensuring you are not blown to smithereens, but merely have a few streaks of dust on your face?

Have you sustained wounds that would kill an adult elephant? But do you only grimace slightly then totally ignore them for the rest of the film, until your arch rival thrusts rusty metal spikes into them in the final confrontation?

(My personal favorite) Have you recently done something so spectacular that a nearby drunk has rubbed his eyes in disbelief before staring accusingly at his bottle?

Has the sardonic leader of a group of European terrorists spent the last ten minutes climbing somewhere absurdly high, only to plummet to his death, when he would have been perfectly OK had he stayed on the ground and just shot you?

At the conclusion of the movie, does your tough, uncompromising black police chief tell you: "You're suspended for two weeks with full pay - now get your ass to Miami Beach. (Then do credits role with hero cop in a bikini jam with cocktail and hot-rocking babe in hand)

haha Good stuff MD.. You should also add:

"Have you ever made a robot that has come to life only to save the day in an extremely human way"

I'm gettin too old for this shit. Just a day from retirement and a mega-corporation run by ruthless Europeans hires street thugs and a former KGB hitman to evict my sickenly sweet and surprisingly fiesty poor old grandma from the home that my grandpa <whisper>god rest his soul</whisper> built with his own two hands. Fortunately I've got a young sidekick who has some mad karate skills and never seems to miss what he's shooting at, but he's also slightly deranged and suicidal in a lovable way. Sadly those street thugs shot my old dog, who has never left my side even through the rough times.

Good news, my dog miraculously lived!!

I had a friend who was an extra on LETHAL WEAPON..
They were shooting this scene where the guy was gonna jump off a building..
Mel Gibson, Danny Glover.. a couple of stuntmen were there..
Didn't see much of Richard Donner..
But that was something..!