One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Sean Bean.
At the end of each week, Sean Bean murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.
Sean Bean punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Sean Bean.
Sean Bean once pulled a bus full of school children teetering over the edge of a cliff back onto the road with his bare hands, saving everybody inside. Even as they cheered, he screamed, "I'm not your savior!" and headbutted the bus over the edge, sending them all to their horrible doom.
Sean Bean is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Sean Bean.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Sean Bean smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Sean Bean.
Sean Bean does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Sean Bean uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
There is no chin behind Sean Bean's beard in Lord of the Rings. There is only another fist.
Sean Bean once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Sean roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
It was once believed that Sean Bean actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Sean Bean himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Sean Bean has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A blind man once stepped on Sean Bean's shoe. Sean replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Sean Bean!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Sean Bean.
Sean Bean once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Sean Bean's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF Sean Bean!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fawn with Sean!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Sean Bean doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Filming on location for Lord of the Rings, Sean Bean brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Sean Bean roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Sean giveth, and the good Sean, he taketh away.
Sean Bean appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Bean replied, "That's no glitch."
When Sean Bean's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Sean said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Sean Bean."
Sean Bean cloned himself just to see if he could kick his own ass. The result was the second ice age.
Those aren't credits that roll after Goldeneye, it is actually a list of people that Sean Bean round house kicked in the face that day.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Sean Bean's fist.
Sean Bean died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Sean Bean is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.
When Sean Bean sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Sean Bean has not had to pay taxes ever.
Sean Bean got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Sean Bean for every answer.
Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Sean Bean once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Sean the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas.
Why we (and Dante) should all be at the edge of our seats anticipating 'Silent Hill'
1) Christophe Gans (dirctor of 'Brotherhood of the Wolf')
2) Roger Avary (co-writer of 'Pulp Fiction')
3) Radha Mitchell (hot chick from 'Pitch Black')
4) Coming out in late April (not the movie-bomb wasteland of January thru March)
5) and of course, Sean Bean.
I hope to God Dante doesn't go to the theater in a trenchcoat.
Sean Bean appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Bean replied, "That's no glitch."
that one alone cost me 8 minutes of pure laughter. Where did Sean Bean learn this finesse with his legs? Was he a former Ballerina?
