Considering how rarely Rowan engaged in conversation with him, Soran felt a bit shocked when he pushed aside sex in favor of a discussion. He rested a hand on the elf's knee while quietly listening to what he had to say. It soon became apparent that Eremis was the reason for the sudden soul-searching Rowan undertook at the moment. The healer seemed to think their relationship was based purely on sex alone, and that the elf would move on to someone new once their routine got too boring. Didn't Jeremy warn him about the same damn thing? He couldn't help but wonder if everyone found Rowan shallow and incapable of sustaining a lasting relationship. Maybe I'm an idiot for seeing more depth to him than anyone else gives him credit for.
"I want something from you, but it might not have as much to do with sex as someone like Eremis probably thinks it does," Rowan said. "It might be that I’ll hurt you in the process of trying to get what I’m after, and it might be that I’ll hurt myself."
Soran frowned because he had no idea what the hell the elf meant by that. What could Rowan possibly want from him that he hadn't already given to him freely? Recently, he even professed his love, handing Rowan his heart even though he knew full well that he'd probably end up getting it broken eventually.
“Okay, so that probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense," Rowan added, "but it’s the best way I can think to put it. Anyway, that’s the long and short of it."
Soran chuckled softly. At least he wasn't the only one confused by some of Rowan's words. At times like this he almost hated himself for expecting complete faithfulness in a relationship because he sensed how much that faithfulness part stressed the elf out. He knew he had a tendency to get angry and sarcastic whenever Rowan flirted with, or showed an interest in, someone else yet he didn't want a partner who'd be too afraid to be himself only because of possibly upsetting him.
"Now, can we move on to the ravishing part, or do you like hearing me make an ass of myself like this?"
Their eyes met then Soran leaned in to place a gentle kiss on Rowan's lips. "Just so you know, I'm having some difficulty with this relationship thing too, Ro. I'd really like to be the only one you ever think about but I know that's a rather greedy attitude. And, I wish you could love me like I love you yet I know you can't force love on anyone."
As he spoke, Soran unlaced Rowan's shirt and pulled it off over his head. His hands slid over the elf's shoulders then down his chest. "I fell in love with you, flirtatious ways and all, and don't want you to change...but yet I DO want you to change. How raking confusing is that? Maybe I'm just too young and inexperienced to know what I really want. I've never gotten close to anyone romantically other than you, and maybe that's a bad thing because now YOU'RE the one stuck dealing with a virgin in the dating-relationship department."
Soran grinned after hearing Rowan suck in a breath when his hand slipped inside the front of his pants. "I have a strange feeling you'd like me to use my mouth for something beside talking now." Soran squelched any reply Rowan might have made by pushing him down on the bedroll and sliding his naked body over his while crushing their lips together for a kiss filled with fiery passion.
*******
Fear rose up inside Eremis once he realized Cas was having second thoughts about their relationship. He choked on the cigarette smoke he'd inhaled as he thought about the possibly of having to live the rest of his life without the demon boy beside him. NO! Suddenly he found himself wishing he could get his hands on a tall glass of brandy to help calm him down. He fought off the urge to run and ask Darlanta if she had any liquor available then blinked back tears when Cas wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close. Maybe I'm getting way too upset over nothing.
"Remy, it’s just crazy, ‘cause we really don’t have shit in common. I mean, either way, one of us is gonna be pissed off for a long, long time. If you let me do what I want, you won’t have no peace, not ever, and if I go on and be a homebody with you and get a proper job, I won’t be at all happy, not truly."
Eremis crushed his cigarette out in the dirt before wrapping his arms around Cas and embracing him tightly. "We can't go our separate ways and live the lives we want because we love each other, Cas and would be miserable if we're apart for too long. We have some differences of opinions on what we want for the future but I'm sure we can come to some compromise that'll make us both happy."
He pulled back to run his hands through the demon boy's hair and share a quick kiss with him. "Our differences are good for one another too. Can't you see that I need you to motivate me to do more and you need me to add a bit of stability to your life?
After drawing in a deep breath, he met his lover's eyes once again. "I love you, Cas and intend to spend the rest of my life with you therefore I'll do anything it takes to keep us together even if that means going off on more of these missions to satisfy your hunger for adventure. Sure, I'll probably complain about them because I'm terrified by the prospect that one of us might be killed, but I'm trying NOT to let fear rule my life. I'll be happy with whatever we choose to do as long as we do it together."
They shared another kiss then Eremis buried his face in Cas' neck. "I'd crumble into a million pieces if you ever left me, Cas. You're the only reason I'm still alive today and the only reason I want to keep on living."
*******
Jeremy stretched out in the bedroll then yawned a couple of times before finally throwing his clothes on and making his way out of the tent. He squinted in the morning sun as he made his way to the campfire and put on a fresh pot of java. While waiting for it to brew he opened his backpack and pulled out a roughly sketched map of Loris he'd bought at a bazaar. They had quite a ways to go before reaching Dara. If things went well on the road today, they'd probably reach the city of Annib by late afternoon.
According to the map, Annib was a lot larger than the small village of Moltare so the chances were good that it'd be a much more interesting place. Jeremy was in the mood to do a little gambling and maybe get a bit high for a change. He even looked forward to spending a couple of hours at a brothel. Maybe he could convince Alex or Kato to tag along with him for an action packed evening of enjoyment since Rowan wasn't interested in having any fun nowadays thanks to Soran.
After stuffing the map back into his pack he filled a mug with java then tore open a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. "What a great breakfast," he smirked while munching on the candy and waiting for the others to wake up and join him by the fire.
