Rowan awoke with his face buried in the back of Soran’s neck, the boy’s shoulder-length blonde hairs pillowing his cheek. He blinked and lifted his own head, not remembering falling asleep in such a position. Beside him, Soran was still asleep, his fingers curled loosely around the arm Rowan had flung around him.
He yawned and sat up, carefully rearranging the blanket around his lover while trying not to wake him. Soran was an admitted insomniac, though, and at best a light sleeper. His eyes opened just as Rowan was brushing a strand of hair from his face.
Rowan smiled down at him. “Morning, sleepyhead. I want to get an early start so we can reach Annib before dark.”
He leaned down to plant a light kiss on his forehead, but then his lips seemed to move on their own accord to brush against Soran’s mouth as well. So much for an early start—the next thing he knew, his student had his arms around him, pulling him down again. It was a while before either of them finally emerged from the tent to greet the others for breakfast.
Rowan caught part of Alex’s question as he and Soran sat down and helped themselves to eggs and java. He raised his eyebrows at the young man’s obvious distress, but had the good grace not to laugh.
“I sympathize with your noble sentiments,” he said, smiling. “But it’s not our job to question our employer’s motives. Had I thought the task an immoral one to begin with, I wouldn’t have taken it.”
“Consider it like this,” he continued, trying to help Alex understand what he was getting at, “Latisha is presumably a very powerful woman. If she wants something, she’ll no doubt succeed in getting it, I’d stake my share of the reward money on that.”
He shrugged. “Being conscientious is one thing, but worry too much about the consequences of your actions and you’ll never get anywhere or anything. I give her the wand, she gives me a thousand gold.” He couldn’t quite hide the silly grin that came to his face then. “Saves me the trouble of having to steal it from her later.”
~*~*~*~*~
Cas didn’t sleep very well that night. Forcing himself to console Eremis with promises of never leaving him left a rather sick feeling settling in his stomach. Of course then he’d felt obligated to seal his verbal promise with a more physical display, but to tell the truth, that didn’t really bother him much. Hell, he liked making love to Eremis. It was the shit that happened between all that he knew he couldn’t stand.
He stayed awake for most of the night, holding his sleeping lover close and hating himself for the thoughts he was thinking. Deep down, he figured he really DID love Eremis. Everything that had happened to them—it wasn’t like it never meant anything. In fact, it meant TOO much to him.
“Aw, fuck,” he mumbled, burying his face against his lover’s neck to dry the sudden tears in his eyes. “I love him. I really do!”
He woke up feeling surprised that he’d gotten any sleep at all. Quietly, he got up and dressed, trying not to look at Eremis’s sweet, complacent face as he did so. It was the only time he ever looked really happy, when he was sleeping, he thought.
And it’s me who’s gonna go and mess it all up for him again! He scowled and ducked beneath the tent flap, blinking at the early morning sun. Was he making the right decision? Was he just being selfish? Shouldn’t being in love with somebody be enough in the end?
“Hell, I dunno,” he muttered, kicking at the dirt with his bare foot in frustration. He made his way over to the campfire where the others were having breakfast. His expression lightened somewhat when he saw Soran, who looked up and smiled at him.
“Hey,” he said, before he even knew what he was saying, “Can I have a word with you real quick?”
“Sure,” the other boy chirped, setting down his plate and standing. They walked away for a few feet before Soran stopped and cocked his head curiously at him. “So what’s up?”
“Uh,” Cas began. It wasn’t a very promising beginning, so he decided to give it another go. “I kinda need your advice.”
Soran nodded, waiting for him to continue.
Cas shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the ground. “I wanna break it off with Eremis, but I’m just not sure when to do it. I mean, I know I’ll wait at least till we get back home, you know, but after that, I’m just not sure.”
He added that last part as an afterthought, once again without really thinking about it. It made him happy to know he could stall until they returned.
But then the bad feeling returned. “There’s another thing,” he added, biting his lip. “Last night, he kinda…he kinda hinted that he might kill himself if I left him.” He paused and scratched at the base of one of his horns, giving Soran a somewhat helpless look. “I dunno, do you think he means it? What am I sposed to do?”
