Dear Dad, My thoughts here are real scrambled, because I have so much that I want to say to you, that I will just post it as it comes to me. First and foremost I would like to say that I LOVE YOU and hold on to your memory inside my heart. I find myself thinking of you and about you in the most strangest of times. I have learned some things about you since your death and one in particular is that all of the things that irritated me most about you while you were alive are the things that I value and appreciate about you more than ever now that you have passed (I am just a little regretful that it took your passing for me to recognize)! I miss you with an unbearable ache inside my heart at times, although I can only hope for your soul to be at peace now that you are gone. I believe that GOD has given me a valuable lesson proceeding your death: Life really is too short, to hold on to your loved ones (how I wish that I could hold on to you now), never let a bad argument/fight allow you to say things that can burden you with regret or to let that same argument allow you to hang up the phone without saying I love you, because that just might be the last opportunity that you have to speak to your loved one. Unfortunately, our last conversation was soiled and concluded with bitter words of telling eachother to have a nice life. I apologize for that but have learned to accept the lesson and move on with it. I know in my heart of hearts that you loved me and I know within that same heart, that you know, I loved you!!! I also never had the chance to tell you that I completely and 100% forgive you for the traumatic things that happened to me in my childhood, inflicted by you. I know and also understand that your mind was not well and those instance later burdened you in life. I hope that you understand, that I have sought help with those instances in my life and forgive you for everything (I have no room in my heart for grudges or hatred) and refuse to let these episodes consume my well being. I only wish that I was able to prevent it from consuming your life. I miss your voice DAD. I would give anything to hear your voice again, to have you sing to me one last time. When I find myself feeling troubled or needing some advice, I try to place within my mind, your presence, your great advice and your soothing voice; however I also find it difficult. If your able to recieve this message Dad, please come to me and sing to me, when you know I need soothing and comfort. I still have this incredible urge to keep you in my life. Perhaps I have not been able to let you go. I MISS YOU although I know this absence is only temporary and that we shall one day meet again. I love you!!! I try to sing your songs to my kids (I can't remember the lyrics), and try my hardest to keep your spirit alive through my children. You were a beautiful person dad and I can honestly say that I love you and cherish many qualities about you and everyday I hold you close to my heart. Your life has not been forgotten within me. You said to me in one of our last coversations that you hope atleast one person can say "That Rickey was a good ole man" I can still picture your face and how you got choked up and kind of chuckled with a sarcastic laugh as tears fell from your eyes, as if you yourself did not believe that statement to be true. Dad, I hope you can hear me now, because with all do respect, and upon all my belief, "That Rickey was a good ole man"!!! I hope to meet with you again one day "On Top Of Old Smokey"
Forever In My Heart,
I lOVE YOU,
Erika
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