Here's a calculator and a page that has some good information about the decision to stay home or not:
http://www.spencerandwaters.com/calculate.html
They publish a book called Staying Home: From Full-Time Professional to Full-Time Parent
I haven't read it, but have spent some time on the web checking out the topic as I have been struggling with that decision too. For now, I am a SAHM. At age 41, I am a bit sad that 'my generation' was raised to believe that a career was SO IMPORTANT. I mean, my culture was that I should be like a man, and that my children would actually be better off if I put them in daycare and focused on MY CAREER. Well, honestly, I have been working for more than 25 years, in a pretty interesting field (computers) and honestly I can tell you that I have not found enlightenment there. I have not found personal fulfillment there, and I have not found a peaceful, joyful heart there.
I really don't want to work. I have found a joyful heart caring for my baby, I have found personal fulfillment making my home a warm and inviting place for all who live and visit here. I have found enlightenment in exploring the miracle of being a mom, from conception on out.
However, I do live in this culture where that is considered 'wasting my education', and somehow like I am less than the intelligent, successful career woman I had been. It's in my cells, too, and I am fighting that insidious thinking and learning to honor those who choose to go this path.
And, the beauty that we feminists fought for wasn't really the chance to give us all a big career, but the chance to give us a CHOICE about what path we choose...
so, I honor your struggle and know that you will make a good decision for yourself and your family. Even if you change your mind every six months - that's allowed!
Let us know how it goes, ok? and I'll do the same!
hugs,
annabanana