JM -- oh my friend ... first off here is a hug ... second (and I'm sorry but I have to say this) what the fuck is he thinking, how dare he ! My initial thoughts are focused on you, what do you want out of this. It sounds as if he is steering the ship here, it's his decision, but it isn't - you're part of the equation ! I know that you are raw as hell at the moment and DH seems to be fluffing around with all the power trying to decide what he wants ...
My lovely lovely SIL went through this. Her DH was fooling around with someone else, having a mid-life effing crisis, poor SIL distrought. She went through a dark period, she loved him so and was so desperate for him to return. After a while though she picked herself up and empowered herself. He of course wanted her back then but she didn't need or want him any more. Her life is great with her and her lovely DD, it just took a different direction.
Intially I was all gung-ho regarding anti-depressants as I used them for a short while with great success. However, I have to agree with SusanOR's wise words that they are not warrented in this situation. You have to get yourself in order and that means financially as well as emotionally and mentally. A councelor may help trremendously, help you work though the mountain of feelings and emotions that you have.
Oh JM, I just can't believe this. I just hate that DH seems to be controlling this situation with you waiting to see if "decides" to return. This about both of you, not just what he wants or doesn't want. I would make sure that he knows to stay away right now until you are clear in your head too. It may be worth organising child visits if he hasn't already ? Where is he staying ?
I am sure that he's a nice guy but he's acting like a shit head ..... plus I don't know him, I know you, and you are a good friend. I am so so sorry that you are in this place
Lots of love V xxx