argh! another book recommendation ...February 29 2012 at 10:28 AM
|Alex (Login bogart99)|
Response to Any good ideas to stop DS from talking back disrespectfully? (m)
I have not BTDT (DS is only 5 and while he does sometimes disrespect in his case I think it is mostly "in the moment" and not necessarily knowing what is "disrespectful" speech versus not. DH exacerbates this (not knowing) by talking disrespectfully to me, ostensible "in fun" but I am trying to get him (DH) to understand that it is not cute -- he has done it a long time and I have bugged him about it a long time but clearly to no effect -- and not OK to teach DS through observation. But I digress!).
Anyway, another book I read and really liked and have (already) had some success with for DS is "Have a New Kid by Friday." I forget who wrote it but the title is unusual enough I don't think you'll have trouble tracking it down? Basically it argues that you should withhold (semi-) special privileges if you're not getting the behavior you want, i.e., no we cannot go to the mall (or whatever) because you spoke to me disrespectfully earlier and that is not OK and I'm not going to do nice things for/with you if you don't follow house rules (treat me respectfully, etc.). It really moves away from the "instant consequences" paradigm and I have to say I have had good results with its approach the few times I have applied it to DS.
A nice thing about this approach is you do not necessarily have to get others on board with you (beyond a basic point). You can for example just revoke privileges even if you only find out after the fact that DS was disrespectful at school or whatever.