Don't Shoot the Dog book. I liked some of the things it said. Thank you for giving me the specific pointer regarding permission to have a delayed consequence. I don't think I would've remembered that one. I may need to check it out again. . .
I can see where not having to get everyone to support this is easier than trying to get DH to agree. Over the last couple days I've gotten some nice cooperation from DH to be the "enforcer" (Thank you Don't Shoot the Dog!).
Instead of giving DS a whole extra set of chances after I've repeated myself at least 4 or 5 times, DH is cutting off the arguments and excuses and telling DS, "Just listen to your Mom and do whatever she says the way she wants you to do it." Voila, no triangulation and setting up more fights between DS and me or DH and me. I have to remember to reinforce that behavior so that DH becomes my "muscle" instead of another complication.
Thanks for the great suggestions! I'm buying my own copy of Don't Shoot the Dog and trying to remember it's a better way to get animals (including people) to actively do what I'd like them to do.