How stressful! (long, sorry) (m)May 6 2012 at 6:40 PM
|cy (Login cy2)|
Response to Thank you to all of you
You're doing such a great job holding it together through your little ones' crises. Sorry I didn't respond to the first post re: the former BFF. You got such great responses, I can't think of anything to add, except you might want to try to put things into perspective.
When my DS went through a situation recently where some of his "friends" teased him to the point of triggering a mini-meltdown, he had to go through some really painful realization that two boys who he thought were good friends and who he confided in, were really faux friends. I was proud that DS independently went to the counselor and voiced his problem, asked for a group meeting with all the "friends", and asked to re-visit the counselor when 2 of the 4 culprits were continuing the harassing behavior, even after the supposed resolution. I was not happy that he had numerous meetings with the counselor and neither he nor the counselor bothered to let me know what was going on at the time. This was even after I directly questioned DS about why his afterschool behavior was so horribly negative, disrespectful, etc. I asked him if anything bad was going on at school that might be causing some of his irritation and DS had the audacity to tell me "no". Later her admitted to seeing the counselor when I asked him where he got the survival band bracelet. Also, he said that he assumed the counselor had gotten in touch with me. (It was not entirely DS' fault. When the Vice Principal called to clue me in that DS was being teased by some older boys and had some issues with his faux friend classmates, she was surprised that the counselor hadn't gotten in touch with me earlier.)
Anyway, to get back to the point, DS and I had a long conversation about who is important in our lives. I told him that I don't maintain contact with anyone who I went to elementary school with, or even high school or college at this point. We also discussed the people who are dear to us as a family and dear to me individually.
I reassured DS that throughout his life he would meet many people and he would have the opportunity to figure out if they had potential to become dear friends (as close as family) or just be acquantances or casual friends. I also stressed that he needed to protect himself from people outside of his close circle. We also talked about figuring out who to let into his close circle.
The whole idea was to try to give him some perspective about learning from negative experiences, figuring out who was safe to trust with his feelings, and trying to take away the sting of the huge betrayal by putting it into the context of his whole life. Some of it went over his head, but he did recognize that he needed to move some people who were in his close circle out of that position of trust.
Sorry that got so long. I'd been meaning to post something about here, but have been totally swamped.
I can't imagine the stress of dealing with your 6 year old's injury. Head trauma is so scary. It must be hard to keep an active, inquisitive guy still and quiet. Since tv is the opiate of the masses, might it be a way to make sure he isn't jumping around? It isn't meditation, but it is very passive from a brain perspective, compared to figuring out how to build a fort or some other fun activity. Or maybe can you get a good book on CD or tape story and let him listen? DS loved Charlie and the Chocolate factory on CD. Your library might have some nice titles.
Hang in there! You're a tough lady and wonderful mom! I hope your Mother's Day is peacefully uneventful and without physical injury or emotional upheaval!