(Cy, I hope you don't mind. It's more likely to get read up here.)
No, DH and I didn't have a big discussion during his absence. I was going to talk to DH last nite, but he was complaining that he was catching a cold. I figured that it would be better to wait until he felt better and to let him know that I cannot deal with our current situation and how he (DH) handles things.
The short story is that a couple weeks ago, DS was doing his typical defy me and goad me in front of DH. DH stepped in and smoothed over DS's bad behavior. When DS apologized, I held fast to my earlier statement about a consequence for the bad behavior. DS then went back to his horribly disrespectful behavior. I told DH that DS needed to be put in his room again.
Evidently DH thought I should have rescinded the consequence since DS apologized. Then DH blew up and claimed I had "turned" on him. He then proceeded to yell in my face. When I asked him what he wanted me to do, he yelled, "Leave!" As I was packing some things he went to the car and gave DS the digital camera that I had told DS he would not be receiving if he kept up his dispectful behavior toward me.
I was so furious, I packed up some things and left. Ended up spending the night in the car. The next morning as I was working at the local Starbucks on my laptop I got a call from DS. The battery of our other car was dead and I ended up taking DS to school. He told me that DH had stormed into his room after I left and told him that I was a "^%$#!!!".
I had important end of the month items I HAD to get out and no printer, so I ended up going back home and telling DH that I needed to deal with my regulatory requirements. We pretty much spent the time before DS' trip ignoring each other. I never gave nor received an apology.
When DS had a meltdown right before he left (he was tired, keyed up, trying to pack, and DH was trying to help but ended up yelling the throwing DS' stuff all over), I firmly refused to listen to DS' "Yes, but Dad. . ." protests and told DS that I was not going to let him create the situation when I would secondguess DH or play judge in a conflict between DS and DH because that what DH did to create problems with me. I specifically told DS that it was not ok for him to throw a fit, no matter what DH says or does. DS is the child and needs to be respectful of his parents and cannot count on creating an uproar every time he doesn't get his way.
I guess the message got across because now DH is very concerned with making sure DS has time with him to shop for my mother's day present and was disappointed I chose to see one of my cousins from CA (who I haven't seen in 30 years) and her husband on Saturday nite and go to my grandma's on Sunday instead of having them take me out for Mother's day. I ended up asking if they could take me to see the Globetrotters on Saturday, which I think is much better than just having a meal.
Anyway, I'm not sure where I'll end up after all of this. Thanks for being such a caring and reassuring friend. It means a lot to me. I haven't even really talked to my best friend IRL about this. She's up to her neck in alligators with her own family and professional situation.