but perhaps fighting a losing battle?
It's hard to come to terms with the fact that we don't have a lot of control over our kids, and apparently some of us have even less control over our adult in-laws!
I do sympathize so much with your issue. And if you're biting your tongue with comments like that from her, you're an angel!
Do they live pretty far away? You mentioned that they cut short a visit in your home, and it sounded like this was multiple nights.
I think I'd probably try to split the difference, fight the battles that are most important and let the others go. If their teeth are in fairly good condition, maybe the rare soda can be tolerated (without caffeine, of course). Or if you don't mind them being sleepy the next day, the rare bed-time video game. I guess with the game, especially, if grandparents are there the next morning, you could make them deal with the grumpy, sleepy kids. Not as easy to make them deal with cavities.
I never had spoiling grandparents who doted on me, but I've heard about them, and what I've heard is that it's very special to kids to have someone like that in their lives. But if these are ppl who see the kids every week, then yes, there needs to be respect for your rules!
So I'm suggesting that you consider how often the outrageous spoiling occurs, and if it's rare, then pick something you can live with and negotiate. Something like, "The sodas are a non-starter because of Jr's horrific dental visit, but if you'll deal with the kids in the morning while I sleep in, you can have 15 minutes of video games with them tonight."
GL! Certainly anything concerning the kids' safety is out of the question. (I'm thinking of the time that mil had 3yo ds help her clean essence of raw turkey out of an ice chest, or when fil set 5yo ds on top of a tractor and turned on the ignition.)
Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 51, dh 52
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg
Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc
ttc since 1998