Thanks for your replies - and I agree with you

it is about picking your battles and I feel I let most things go (the sugar consumption goes through the roof when they are about - that was just a losing battle - I use to say to my FIL, if you must buy sweets, can you make it chocolate - but nope, it is always the the worst kind of sweets for rotting your teeth like the ones that stick to your teeth all day or lollipops). The 5 year old has the start of a cavity that we have been warned about since the age of 3 (it has not got worse but clearly a bit of rot has started).

So yes, I have let the sweet battle go but feel strongly about the soda stuff because it was only when I reached adulthood that I start drinking soda and that was when I got all my fillings - I asked the dentist at the time "why do I always need a filling these days" and he asked me do you drink alot of soda and at the time I did so I stopped and I never needed another filling.

And just to add, my inlaws are not just indulgent - they truly can be excessive with indulgences. In fact my inlaws were cutting up a big round cake into 8 bits and said, next time we will bring two, so the boys can each a quarter of a cake (YUK!).

And you are right, my boys are so lucky to have doting grandparents because I only ever had one grandmother (the others had died before I was born) and I would have loved to know them all and I loved my granny to bits (she use to give me a piece of chocolate (Fry's Cream) but those were the days when chocolate was not given out in abundance).

My boys spend lots of time alone with the grandparents and I never do ask them what have they been fed (quite frankly, I don't want to know - ignorance is bliss sometimes). So I genuinely feel I don't nag or hover over them or even be obssessive about it.

I am trying to work with the 5 year old about excessive consumption and not to drink soda but clearly that did not work here. Fortunately, my 3 year old hates soda and the two middle ones actually will eat sweets but not excessively (my inlaws were gutted when a 2nd piece of cake was turned down by my 3 years old)

Not so much with the soda but the bedtime, I felt my FIL was blatantly disobeying me and that irritated the hell out of me because I think "let see how you like looking after 4 kids on your own for 2 weeks solid and I betcha would not want your routine being put out of sort by PIA visitors". I am on my own for 2 weeks while my DH is at work (he works 2 weeks away, 3 at home). So I stay a bit firm on bedtime and let them go a bit later (up to an hour) because if is was up to my inlaws, my boys would still be up at midnight (I use to go to bed before my nephews (their other grandsons) when they were under the age of 5.

My SIL (their daughter) once told me that "routines get disrupted but after a couple of days, it will go back to normal". But why should I have to put up with a rubbish couple of days for late nights when you can enjoy the boys all day. The inlaws visit at least once a month, coming to stay with me for however long they want (it might be 2 days or 5 days) and with usually less than 24 hours notice.

Anyway, I do want them to enjoy their grandsons but tread a bit more carefully with my wishes (as I do a fair bit of pussyfooting round them, I would like some back)

Anyway it was good to vent and to hear your wise words. And Zakia, it would be lovely to meet up if you make it to the uk - if it is Manchester area(if I remember rightly), well that is about 5 hours away. A bit far but if you fancy a visit to Scotland?