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July 9 2012 at 10:37 PM
juliemam  (Login juliemam)
*HFP Mommies*

ok, things are getting serious and going downhill.

DH is leaving (again) and don't you roll your eyes! lol

I am so freakin' fed up at this point, I am like, ok, get the hell out. I don't want you pulling this crap every 2 months, ya know?? How many times will I lay down for him to drive his car over me and crush, crush, crush.

Same old reason: doesn't feel right. well you know what? I think he's dead bored with me, tired of my "know it all" attitude--his words--ish, I am paraphrasing. He's being kind and subdued on this. In fact so subdued that he barely talks to me, shuts me out.

So his exit date is August 1st and I want him out sooner. I am so fed up.

I keep having that song by the Supremes run through my brain: --kind of surprised this is the only live video of it. Love that young Diana Ross voice, so sweet.
But seriously, it;s it exactly how I am feeling.

No more! Hear me roar. He can't trample my heart this way make me feel undesirable and unappreciated over and over.

Meanwhile, I have started HRT. I take two prometriums at night, those pearls, by mouth and hoo boy do they make me drowzy, I feel drunk (like now) and I also apply some estrogen gel every day. I just want a libido, some energy and perhaps a clearer head for a little while.

Don't worry about me, I am a mama bear right now, fed up with enabling him--boy do I enable him. I played a big part in keeping him an arrested adolescent. He needs to go out on his own and see how it is to take charge of your life. I'd have liked that he'd choose to do this with me by his side but obviously, he doesn't love me enough. He (get this) still pines for the other woman and at this point, I do hope they end up together so he can realize what a vamp she is (I mean who pretends to be friends with a woman just to get close to her husband??? SHe is not honourable and I guess he isn't either)

I am so mad. and all I want is someone to cherish me, enjoy spending time with me and won't find me unbearable.

Love that in this fine group of women, I can lean on you and know I am loved (appreciated), even though I've never met you!

Julie (who isn't crushed this time. not again, not ever again)

me:43, DH 44
FSH 26
DS: born by c-sec Apr15'03, 9lbs5oz 41wks gest. (after 4 years of ttc, starting in 1998)
DD born by c-sec Oct 13 2007, 8lbs13oz 39wk gest. (after just under 3 years of ttc)
~~DS was conceived naturally the cycle following a cancelled DE IVF, using my good friend's eggs. She was on the verge of hyperstimming.
~~DD's nat conception I attribute to using OPKs like a crazy nut, eating grapefruit daily and using preseed. also 5 cycles of TCM ending 2 cycles before that lucky cycle.

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