DIfficult question, JMJuly 15 2012 at 11:43 PM
|Pink Dandelion (Login Pinkdandelion)|
Response to when should we tell the kids about separating?
Im trying to put myself in your shoes. A cabin I love where I want to return. and I dont want the kids to associate the separation with the cabin. Not easy, any way you do it. In either way, I think you will be able to create new memories at the cabin, or you will find a new cabin all your own to start creating different memories down the road....
Whats the deal with the Aug. 1 move out date? Did he rent an apt., and thats when the lease begins? It seems odd that he plans his exit date smack in the middle of the cabin dates, unless he plans that as his move-out time. You deserve for him to be honest with you as to his exit plans, for your and the kids sake. Have you asked him his plan? If it were me, Id want to know and wouldnt want to know, all at the same time....
If your husband goes with you to the cabin and is going to stay the whole time, then Id say tell them when you get back from the cabin. if he only plans to stay a few days at the cabin and then leave and move out, then maybe tell them at the cabin? I think it would be strange to tell them beforehand and then you all go to the cabin together (just trying to put myself in your and the kids shoes)
If he tells you he isnt going to the cabin, then I think Id tell them beforehand, especially if he will be moving his studio while youre away. I dont know, but maybe it will be a bit easier for his things to leave the house while youre not there? I cant imagine standing in the hall while my DH carried things out of the house (gives me a lump in my throat just thinking about it for you, I am so sorry that he cant see his way through this obsession)
I dont know if you got a chance to purchase the Mister ROgers divorce book (its on Amazon) I recall that he has a section for parents in the back of the book on this very topic (only in relation to divorce, though I imagine the important points would be the same for both situations), and the important things to say when you deliver the news.
And for what its worth, I still dont think hes in as much love as he is infatuated. He has been with you forever, and you are like comfortable slippers. She is just new and different, and he doesnt parent with her, so it is totally different than being married.
Please try not to blame yourself for what is totally his undoing....