Wow. Seems like an epic vacay. We were gone from 7/18 to 8/2, slept at home 2 nights, and then drove about 100 miles for a wedding and spent 2 more nights there. I had 9 days in NYC earlier this summer, too. o.m.g. I am so tired.
Western leg of the trip was wonderful. We spent 3.5 days with Quadmom, who is a fabulous hostess and buddy. And she makes parenting quads look easy! And two of them are mildly autistic! (Very mild. I wouldn't have known if she hadn't been telling us all these years.) They are wonderful kids. She has a terrific extended family who made us feel so welcome. DS had a great time with the quads. Neither the quads nor their cousins ever teased or bullied one single time, even when he was inappropriate, which is just so not the norm for him.
The wedding . . . my outlaws . . . this is really making me think and question the effort I've been putting into those relationships. I've been feeling so bad for ds growing up with few cousins, no siblings, long distances from relatives, so we try to make sure he gets a week with them every summer. We spent 1.5 full days with dh's family this weekend. As I watched from the corner table where we were charted to sit with the grumpy older relatives, I noticed the family members who were our age enjoying themselves among their closer relatives, friends and buddies. I thought about how little (no) effort many of them made to talk to ds the entire visit, even in the a.m. when we all had breakfast together and went swimming, and I just had to wonder why I'm spending so much money and energy trying to create opportunities for ds to be with them. Even when we're with them, they put so little effort into their relationship with him. DH's brother hardly spoke to ds at all. To think we once had appointed him as guardian! I am so glad we changed that. My dh has always played so much with their kids, but it's obviously very one-sided.
We are such opposites. After all these years, our only middle ground is as thin and superficial as a puff of dust on a light breeze.
And you know how in some instances opposites can overcome the gulf?
We can't.
I've already decided we're only spending 3 days/summer with them going forward, but still, it costs either $900 for all of us to fly there (plus boarding the dog) or 2 days to drive. And that time and money is precious -- it takes a lot away from other things we might do.
I'm very torn. I know so many ppl who enjoy their cousins, and poor ds seems to be getting the short end.
Is this one-sidedness normal? Are my expectations too high?
Keiki's Makuahine (Keiki's Mom) 52, dh 53
Keiki: b. 2002 after 3 months bedrest
Natural conception following ZIFT/chem. pg
Olivia: b. 1999 d. 1999
28-week preemie, ptl cause unknown
Natural conception after 1 mc
ttc since 1998
