In the Beginning, Part 1

This is my entry for the Anniversary Contest. It is already completed, so I will try to post part of it every day.

Timeline: from Rhett's proposal until their first anniversary.

Rated at least PG-13 for some language and mature themes.

Please let me know what you think! This is my first completed piece.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. They are the property of the estate of Margaret Mitchell. I have included excerpts taken directly from "Gone with the Wind." In no way am I attempting to pretend these are my own words.

bluesneak

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He abruptly started off across the room and she followed him, bewildered, to the closed doors.

"What is the matter? Where are you going?"

"To my rooms to finish packing."

"Oh, but--"

"But, what?"

"Nothing. I hope you have a nice trip."

"Thank you."

He opened the door and walked into the hall. Scarlett trailed after him, somewhat at a loss, a trifle disappointed as at an unexpected climax. He slipped on his coat and picked up his gloves and hat.

"I'll write you. Let me know if you change your mind."

"Aren't you--"

"Well?" He seemed impatient to be off.

"Aren't you going to kiss me good-by?" she whispered, mindful of the ears of the house.

"Don't you think you've had enough kissing for one evening?" he retorted and grinned down at her. "To think of a modest, well-brought-up young woman--Well, I told you it would be fun, didn't I?"

"Oh, you are impossible!" she cried in wrath, not caring if Mammy did hear. "And I don't care if you never come back."

She turned and flounced toward the stairs, expecting to feel his warm hand on her arm, stopping her. But he only pulled open the door and a cold draft swept in.

"But I will come back," he said and went out, leaving her on the bottom step looking at the closed door.

She stood for a minute and scowled at the door before turning to go back upstairs. She had the uncomfortable feeling that she had been tricked somehow. Hadn't Rhett always done this--bested her, made her head spin in confusion? And now she was going to marry him! Oh, how could she have agreed to this? She came downstairs a new widow, and less than an hour later, she was newly engaged! It wasn't decent. She should die of shame. And what would Mammy say when she found out? Scarlett didn't care what anyone else thought, but her toes involuntarily curled in her shoes when she imagined Mammy's inevitable remonstrations. Scarlett stopped halfway up the stairs. There was no need for Mammy--or anyone else--to know what had just taken place in the library. Didn't Rhett just say to write him if she changed her mind? Relief flooded through her veins, and she continued up the stairs with her jaw set. As soon as Rhett let her know his address in England, she would break the engagement.

But as she sat at her dressing table and removed the pins from her hair and began to brush it, the memory of Rhett's kisses made her shiver. She rubbed her fingers across her still swollen lips and--

"It's just the brandy talking, and nothing more," she said aloud. But she had not been tipsy that dreadful night at Rough and Ready when he had kissed her and she had felt hot and cold and weak in the knees. It would be terribly exciting to live with Rhett if just by kissing her he made her knees turn to jelly. Mother of God, what am I thinking? Suddenly, she looked down at her hands and saw her thin gold wedding band. She took it off but thought better of it and put it back on her finger. People will ask too many questions if I take it off right away, she thought. I just won't think of it now, that's all. Rhett's gone, and I won't have to see him, so I just won't think about it. And she walked into the hall and called to Mammy to help her undress and get ready for bed.

The next morning after breakfast, Scarlett walked through the back yard to Melanie's house to bring Wade and Ella home. Melanie was outside before Scarlett had even reached the door, and Scarlett found herself enveloped in a tight embrace. Then Melanie pulled back and smoothed Scarlett's hair. "Oh, my dear, are you all right? You look so tired."

"I'm fine, Melly, really. I've come to take Wade and Ella home."

Melanie's brows puckered worriedly. "Are you sure you're up to it, darling? You know they can stay here as long as you need."

"I'm sure. I miss them," she said. And she did. "You know Aunt Pitty means well, but she's driving me crazy with all of her clucking over me, and all the neighbors too. And--the house is just too quiet."

Melanie squeezed Scarlett's hand and said, "Of course, I understand. Let's go inside. We've just finished breakfast, and Dilcey is cleaning the children up."

Once inside and they were seated in the parlor, Scarlett asked quietly: "Is Ashley all right?"

"He will be fine. Don't you worry about him. Dr. Meade says he needs to stay in bed and rest a few more days to regain his strength, but he is all right. Why, Scarlett! Honey, don't cry--"

Scarlett had begun crying in weak relief when she heard that Ashley was going to recover. In a flash, Melanie was beside her and dabbing her cheeks with a handkerchief. "Oh, Scarlett, I'm so sorry. How insensitive of me. Here I've been prattling on about Ashley's recovery, and poor Mr. Kennedy is--Oh, can you forgive me?"

Scarlett snatched the handkerchief away from Melanie. Great balls of fire! Melanie would be stupid enough to think she was crying over Frank! "There's no need to scrub the skin off my cheeks," she said crossly. Then she closed her eyes and bit her tongue. "I'm sorry, Melly," she said with some effort. "I didn't mean to be hateful. It's just that--"

"It's all right, dear. Can I get you a cup of tea?"

Scarlett nodded and wiped her eyes with the handkerchief.

After a few minutes Melanie returned with two steaming cups of tea and after Scarlett had taken a few sips, she asked: "Are you feeling any better?"

Scarlett nodded miserably and placed her cup on the side table. She twisted her hands together. "Melly, I'm sorry." She held up her hand as Melanie started to interrupt her. "Please, let me finish. I'm sorry for snapping at you like that after you've been so good to me. It's just that I can't bear to think of it being my fault Ashley was shot. When I think what could have happened--" Her voice cracked.

Melanie put her cup down and took Scarlett's hands in hers. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was!" Scarlett cried. "Frank told me not to drive through Shantytown, and I did it anyway.

"Scarlett, look at me. Scarlett! Look at me." Scarlett looked up with her red-rimmed eyes and found comfort in Melanie's non-judging brown ones. "Now, is there another way to get to your mill without going through Shantytown?"

Scarlett shook her head.

"All right, then. You did what you had to do to run your business, and you can't be blamed for what those brutes did to you, just as our men can't be blamed for avenging you."

Scarlett's eyes widened. Why, this was almost what Rhett had said last night! How funny that he and Melanie should think alike.

"What's the matter, Scarlett?"

She blinked and realized Melanie must have noticed the change in her expression. "Nothing, Melly. It's just that Rhett came to see me last night and he said the same thing you did." She grabbed her teacup and drank. She should not have said anything about Rhett's visit. What was she thinking?

"Really? What did he say?"

"Just that--that I'm not to blame for what happened."

"How kind of him to have stopped by."

Kind? It was maddening the way Melanie so often misread people's motives. Yes, Rhett was being kind when he tricked her into accepting his proposal. He knew she was drunk and wouldn't be able to say no. She smiled wryly and resisted the urge to throw her teacup across the room. "Yes, it was kind of him to come and say good-by."

"Good-by?"

"He's leaving for England today."

"For how long?"

"I don't know." The longer the better, she added silently. She placed her empty cup back on the table and said, "Maybe I'd better get the children now."

They rose, and Melanie went to get Dilcey. When they returned, Dilcey was carrying Ella and Wade clung to Melanie's skirts. Beau stood beside Dilcey. Normally he would have run to Scarlett and she would have kissed him and ruffled his fine blonde hair, but Mother had said he must be quiet because Aunt Scarlett was sad.

"We're going home, Wade," Scarlett said gently.

He only looked at her and said nothing. Scarlett closed her eyes. She knew she didn't have much patience for Wade, but it hurt her nevertheless when he showed his preference for Melanie. Melanie bent and whispered a word of encouragement to him and finally he let go of her and came toward Scarlett and stopped in front of her.

Scarlett knelt and smoothed his hair and pretended she didn't notice when he flinched. "When we get home, I'll read your pirate book. Would you like that?" He nodded and smiled. "All right. Let's get your sister and we'll go home." She took Wade's hand and led him through the yard to Pitty's house, Dilcey and Melanie following with Ella and the children's bags.

***

"Why did I ever promise Wade I'd read him that book?" she thought later. It would always remind her of Rhett. Not only had he given it to Wade, but the pirate in the book resembled him as well. As soon as she had finished the story Wade begged her to read it again, but she told him no and sent him off with Mammy.

Scarlett was bored. She couldn't go down to the store so soon after Frank's death because it was considered disrespectful and she couldn't go to the mill for the same reason, though she was desperate to know how the businesses fared. And it would be days before Ashley would be well enough to check on things for her and weeks before she could do it herself, though Uncle Henry had promised to step in in the meantime. She couldn't go calling, and nobody could call on her. She had almost forgotten how dreadful it was to be a widow! And if she didn't keep busy, then she would start thinking about Rhett, and she didn't want to do that. Common sense told her it would be at least several weeks before she could possibly hear from him, and that bought her some time. How could she have ever thought that breaking the engagement would be simple? Despite Rhett's cavalier words, he would never let her go so easily. "At least there's an ocean between us," she thought grimly.

Two weeks later, she received a telegram from Rhett announcing his safe arrival in England. Great balls of fire! He must have sent it the minute his feet touched the ground. She shoved the telegram in her top bureau drawer and then pulled the drawer back open and buried it beneath a pile of underwear. Then she resolved to forget about Rhett entirely: "After all, he's in London and I'm here and I can't do a thing until he lets me know where he is. And until he does, there's no use in thinking about it."

To help alleviate her boredom, she tried to spend more time with Wade and Ella, but she soon became frustrated and largely gave up. Wade was always so fidgety and shy around her, hardly speaking unless spoken to, and he ended up spending much of his time outside of school at Melanie's house--just as he always had. She tried to play with Ella--who was no longer bald but had grown soft red curls and was even becoming somewhat pretty, just as the neighbors said she would eventually. But Ella was teething and often screamed for hours no matter what Scarlett, Mammy, or Melanie did. Pittypat usually claimed a headache during these spells and took to her bed and the whole house was in an uproar, with Cookie and Uncle Peter running about the house getting in each other's way in their efforts to soothe her; Mammy, applying salve to Ella's swollen gums; and Scarlett, when she wasn't jiggling Ella on her hip, in her room with her pillow over her head, trying not to scream herself. The result was that Ella regularly was sent to Melane's house with Wade. "It's not as if I have to beg Melanie to take them," she told herself one afternoon as she sat locked in her bedroom sipping a brandy. "She offers! Says she loves to have them--Ella screaming or not. Says I am under too much strain as it is and it's the least she can do to help me."

Ella did not limit her crying to the daytime, and Scarlett was up almost every night walking her back and forth, begging her to be quiet before she awakened Wade. Soon, the strain began to show. Her features became sharper, her face wan, and circles appeared under her eyes. She did not mean to be so cross with everyone, but she was miserable and nobody understood why. They all clucked over her and whispered about her grief over poor Frank's violent and untimely death. Yes, she was sorry Frank had died the way he did. That did not mean she wanted to spend the rest of her life mourning him.

After a time, she realized she missed Rhett. He had been gone almost a month and she knew that if he were here he would make her feel better. He had after Charles had died. She had grown accustomed to his visits and his conversation?even as irksome as he could be. Though Rhett easily won all of their arguments and jabbed holes through any feminine wiles she attempted, he brought a much-needed spark to her life. And that very afternoon when the mail was delivered, there was a letter from him.

"I believe I'll go to my room and read my letter, Aunt Pitty. I need to lie down anyway. I've got such a headache," Scarlett said.

"Oh, dear! You must rest! We can't have you getting sick. You go on upstairs. I'm going calling this afternoon, so I won't disturb you," she replied.

Scarlett smiled as she walked upstairs. She had no headache, but she could not read Rhett's letter under Pitty's curious gaze. She knew Pitty would tell the household not to disturb Scarlett and she would have a rare afternoon free from interruptions. She sat on a chair and tucked her feet underneath her before opening the letter.

To be continued...