In the Beginning, Part 8

Scarlett's stomach lurched and she sat up in bed, her face breaking into a cold sweat. No. Please don't let it be this. But even as she stumbled to the lavatory and retched into the basin, she knew she was pregnant. With a shaking hand, she wiped her face with a wet towel and went back into the bedroom. Rhett, as usual, was already up. Probably downstairs having breakfast this minute. It's just as well anyway. I don't want him asking any questions, she thought. She brushed her teeth and tried to think of other reasons she might be feeling so sick. So deep in thought was she sitting at her vanity, that she did not notice Rhett approach.

"Penny for your thoughts," he said, and kissed the top of her head.

Scarlett stiffened involuntarily, and he removed his hands from her shoulders and watched her face in the mirror. With her bloodshot eyes she looked at him for a minute in the mirror, but she always wavered under his unflinching gaze. She looked down and twisted her rings. Her fingers were swollen.

"You missed breakfast," he said blandly.

"Am I not allowed to miss breakfast?"

"When Scarlett O'Hara skips a meal, it's my duty to find out what is wrong."

"Well, you needn't have bothered. I have a lot of work to do," she said coldly.

"Fine. Far be it from me to keep you from your 'Emptorium'--excuse me, your General Store."

"Go to hell!" she shouted as he left the room, but his only response was to slam the door.

Scarlett had her suspicions confirmed later that morning by Dr. Meade. She left his office biting her tongue to keep from crying, and she instructed her driver to take her to the store. Sitting in her tiny office, surrounded by ledger books, she finally wrestled her wedding rings off her finger. Suddenly, she hated Rhett with a consuming passion. Damn him. Damn him to hell for this! Hot tears threatened to pour down her cheeks, but she swallowed them back and grimly set about to do her work.

Scarlett worked through the dinner hour and spent the afternoon in her office staring at the walls. She ought to go to the mills, but she knew Ashley would take one look at her and know something was wrong. Several times during the course of the afternoon she had to rest her head on the desk to keep from being sick, but she couldn't go home. Not yet. Finally, at six o'clock, after the store had closed and her employees gone for the day, she knew she couldn't put it off any longer. She wearily gathered her bonnet and keys and went home.

Rhett was only half listening to Wade chatter about his day at school, while Ella played with her favorite doll. He poured a drink and glanced at the clock again. It was not unusual for Scarlett to work all day, but she had not come home for dinner, and she was so upset this morning. Still, he had seen Scarlett angry countless times.

He heard the front door open and close, but then no other sound from the front hall. "Stay right here," he told Wade. "That must be your mother."

He entered the front hall, and Scarlett's back was to him. He watched her listlessly remove her bonnet. "Scarlett," he said.

She turned to him with blazing eyes and said, "I want to talk to you." Without waiting for a reply, she went upstairs. Rhett followed her into their bedroom and when he had closed the door, she abruptly told him she was going to have a baby.

His eyes went sharply to her face as she spoke. But he said nothing. He watched her in silence but there was a tenseness about his pose, as he waited for her next words, that was lost on her. Indignation and despair had claimed her to the exclusion of all other thoughts.

"You know I don't want any more children! I never wanted any at all. Every time things are going right with me I have to have a baby. Oh, don't sit there and laugh! You don't want it either. Oh, Mother of God!"

If he was waiting for words from her, these were not the words he wanted. His face hardened slightly and his eyes became blank.

"Well, why not give it to Miss Melly? Didn't you tell me she was so misguided as to want another baby?"

"Oh, I could kill you! This is all your fault, and--"

"All? I seem to recall you being there too."

Scarlett suddenly burst into tears and flung herself facedown on the bed and sobbed. Stunned both by her news and by her violent reaction to it, Rhett stood for a minute and watched her cry. Then he sat on the bed and started to rub her back.

"Leave me alone. I hate you," Scarlett said vehemently.

"So you have said many times over the years, and I haven't left you alone yet." He continued to rub her back, and she stopped crying.

"You don't understand!" she said, her voice muffled by the pillow. "You can't possibly understand!"

"Understand what, honey?"

"How hard this is! Being sick all the time for weeks on end, getting fat and ugly and puffy, not being able to go anywhere, all of it! You can't understand any of it."

"No," he conceded. "I can't understand it. But I can try and help you feel better and make things easier for you."

Scarlett rolled over to face him, and tears slowly leaked from her eyes. Rhett gently wiped them away with his thumbs. He took her in his arms and held her. "Did you eat any dinner?" he asked as he smoothed her hair.

She shook her head.

"You need to eat. Do you feel like going downstairs?"

She sat up in his arms. "Will you stay with me?"

"Of course I will."

At Rhett's insistence, Scarlett ate some supper before he helped her undress and get into bed. She was so exhausted that she fell asleep right away, and she did not know Rhett sat beside the bed and watched her sleep.

***

Rhett was kindness itself over the next few weeks. He mopped her face with damp cloths when she was sick, entertained the children so she could rest, and ran her businesses when she was too unwell to leave the house. His actions puzzled her. She had expected coolness and mockery, and there was none. So often since their marriage, he had jabbed her with barbing words, until finally she wondered why he had married her at all. She prepared herself at every turn for his old jeering attitude but no cutting words came from him, even when she was most unpleasant. And as the weeks went by and her nausea subsided, her disposition improved and she softened toward him. He never referred to her violent outburst when she told him about her pregnancy, and she did not know how to tell him she no longer felt the same way about their child. For not that most of the physical discomfort had passed, Scarlett realized that she was actually happy about this baby.

The thought of her earlier actions sickened her. How it must have hurt him when she said she did not want their baby--not that he had displayed any hurt. Scarlett suddenly realized his suave indifference--even claiming he did not care if she had one child or twenty--was only a protective mask. And if--if this detachment toward their child covered his love, what of his feelings toward her? Scarlett's eyes widened when she realized he must love her. For all his mocking declarations to the contrary, he loved her. Of course he had not told her this; he thought she loved Ashley.

And she loved him. Tears pricked her eyes, and she wiped them away with a shaking hand. I've loved him all along, and neither of us knew it. But how will I make him believe me? He's only being nice because of the baby. Oh, what if--what if he goes back to the way he was once the baby is born? She rested her head on the back of the chair. She was so tired.

Rhett came home and found Scarlett asleep. He gently kissed the top of her head, and she awoke and yawned.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"I'm glad you did."

"How do you feel?"

"Fine. Just tired. I wish you would let me go to the store."

"Not a chance. It's enough that I bring home work for you to do."

"How about a real kiss? I missed you, even if you do treat me like I'm an invalid."

She rose and put her arms around him. He laughed and kissed her softly at first and then with a quicker urgency. The blood pounded in her ears and she trembled even as Rhett held her tightly. She could feel his heart hammering beneath his shirt, and she gripped his shoulders before he broke the kiss with difficulty and whispered, "Shall we continue this upstairs?"

She did not answer him but smiled lazily and removed his silk cravat. Running the fine fabric between her fingers, she turned and exited the room.

***

Scarlett sat at her desk ignoring the invoices in front of her and nibbled on the end of her pencil. Their first anniversary was tomorrow, and she still had not bought Rhett a gift. What could you buy for a man who had everything already? She had shopped every day for a week, and nothing seemed right. She had even systematically searched the house whenever he was gone to find his gift for her, but she found no evidence that he had purchased anything at all. She pursed her lips. Think!

And in a flash, it came to her. The perfect gift! She hurriedly composed a note to Melanie asking if the children could stay tomorrow night and after she dispatched Pork to deliver the note, she sent for the cook and gave instructions for a special supper to be served for the occasion. What could she wear? She surveyed her wardrobe and sighed. The number of dresses she could still wear was shrinking even as her figure was beginning to expand.

Scarlett was still standing in her closet, clad only in her chemise, when Rhett found her and laughed. "Well, isn't this interesting?"

"I'm trying to decide what to wear tomorrow night," she said.

"What's wrong with what you have on now?"

"Do be serious! I want to wear something special, but nothing fits anymore."

"And what is so special about tomorrow night?"

"I give up!" Scarlett cried in frustration and put on her wrapper.

"I mean to say, are you suggesting we celebrate having lived together one whole year without killing each other?"

"Well, yes, something like that."

He kissed her and then began to rifle through her dresses.

"Rhett?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you really forget our anniversary?"

"You have been looking for a present, haven't you?"

"What? Of course not."

"You have, and you're worried because you haven't found anything."

"I have not," she replied indignantly.

"Don't you suppose I'm smarter than to keep a present for you anywhere in this house?"

"So you have bought me a present, then?"

"Yes, you might say that. Here--how about this one?" He pulled out a pale green taffeta dress that was full in the waist, yet still showed off her figure exquisitely.

"Perfect! And, Rhett?"

"Yes?"

"Wade and Ella are spending tomorrow night at Melanie's." She smiled over her shoulder and left him still holding the dress.

Scarlett looked lovely in her dress. Her new plumpness made her look even more beautiful, but Rhett knew he could never tell her so. There was something else too. She looked happy and content, and Rhett knew she had not been altogether happy this past year. She was thrilled with the house and though he had expressed his opinion that the house was an architectural horror, he had allowed her to furnish it as she liked because it was worth it to him to see her eyes sparkle with excitement. She had spent money freely this year, giddy at the notion of buying whatever she pleased without concern for the cost. Still, these were superficial matters--even for Scarlett--and he knew she had not really been happy.

She drank, though Rhett had put a stop to that once she became pregnant. Her nightmares had continued, though less and less frequently. Sometimes she did not come to bed at all, but he would find her curled up in a chair downstairs with the brandy decanter. She had twice left to go to Tara, each time declaring that she would never come back. Each time she returned wordlessly, sullenly daring him to question her. He knew he was the cause of much of her unhappiness. Like a man possessed, he had purposely hurt her, taunted and needled her. Afraid of showing any love for her, he had done just the opposite. No wonder she had begun to pull away from him. But something had changed in the past few weeks. He dared not hope that she loved him, but at least she seemed happy with him.

They finished their supper and adjourned to the sitting room where Rhett sat on the sofa and smoked a cigar. Scarlett sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. Despite her outwardly relaxed appearance, her stomach churned with nervousness. What if she was wrong and Rhett did not love her?

"Well, my dear? Are you ready for your present?"

Scarlett sat up and feigned excitement. "Oh, yes!"

Scarlett did not see a present in the room, so she was surprised when Rhett merely pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. "I believe the traditional gift for the first anniversary is paper, is it not?" His eyes twinkled with merriment as he awaited her reaction.

"An envelope?" she asked, puzzled.

"Open it."

She took the envelope from him and opened it to find a sheaf of papers inside. "These are legal papers. I don't understand--" she broke off in confusion.

"Read the first part."

She read to herself a few minutes until tears blurred her vision. "You bought back Careen's share of Tara from the Church?" she choked.

"That's right." He reached in his other pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. She wiped her eyes and studied the papers in silence a few minutes before speaking again.

"But how? I thought it was impossible."

"You should know by now that anything is possible with enough money. But being the good Episcopalian that I am, I underestimated the tenacity of the Catholic Church. My lawyers worked over a year to reach this agreement. I had intended to present this to you at our wedding."

Scarlett looked down and twisted the handkerchief in her hands. "I can't believe you did this for me," she whispered. Any lingering doubt she had of his love for her vanished. Eyes still shining, she said, "I'll be right back. I have a gift for you too." She brushed his check softly with her hand and then hurried from the room to her office. Hidden in a desk drawer was Rhett's gift. Concealing it behind her back, she returned to the sitting room and stood in front of Rhett.

"I believe we were thinking along the same lines," she said and handed him an envelope.

He took the envelope from her, and she sat beside him and rested her left hand on his shoulder. He opened the envelope and removed a single sheet of heavy, ivory colored paper on which she had simply written: "I love you." He stared at the paper a moment without speaking and when he turned to her at last, she said, "Happy Anniversary, darling" and smiled. He carefully placed the paper back in the envelope and put it on the side table. With one hand on each side of her face, he kissed her tenderly and then pulled back to study her face.

"That is what is different," he said.

"What?"

"You. You looked different these last few weeks." He kissed her again. "I love you too, you know."

"I know, Rhett. I was beginning to despair that you would ever say it. That is why I said it first."

"What changed your mind?"

"I realized you were the first face I wanted to see every morning and the last face I wanted to see before I went to sleep."

"What have you done with the real Scarlett O'Hara?"

"She's still here, Rhett. Just grown up a bit. If you like, she can bring you dessert."

"I would like that very much."

Scarlett returned in a few minutes with a bowl of strawberries. She sat on his lap and held the bowl out of his reach. "My favorite husband taught me a very interesting way to eat strawberries."

"And how is that?"

She licked her lips and smiled. "Like this." She selected a particularly luscious strawberry and bit down on one end. Rhett laughed and before he took the other end in his mouth, said, "I can hardly wait to see what you give me for our second anniversary."

The End