Back with more. And yes, things are still going badly for Dee Dee, but things
might ease up for her soon. I hope so.
-----
(Part 19)
The next day
Dee Dee explained to Alex that she has to be at the community center early to set up for one of the children’s birthday party. It was the best excuse she had for leaving the house early in order to make her doctor’s appointment. Fortunately he bought the story.
Even with all the drama, Dee Dee still managed to keep her physical appearance; clothes hair and makeup in check. Not quite as much makeup as before, only enough to highlight her natural features. After she’d chosen the khaki colored pants and cream colored blouse, she began dressing for her trip to the doctor’s office. Just as she started to zip her pants, she realized that the zipper was harder to pull close than usual. She pulled the pants down, lifted her blouse and took a good look at her stomach the mirror. For the first time, she noticed that her familiar taut abdomen had taken on a new look. She could see the rounding formation which was evidence of her pregnancy. It was as if the changes took place overnight, since she looked at herself in the mirror everyday. At two months, she wasn’t showing at all, and although a little disappointed, she knew it was for the best when it came to explaining to Alex. Now, at three months, she could see a difference. She knew that Alex would be able to see the difference soon too. She continued to stare into the mirror. She wasn’t just looking at her stomach, she was looking at the woman she’d become. She saw a woman who was living in fear of her husband, who had been told she was nothing and mattered to no one, and who had let herself become a victim of a man’s brutal force….again. She felt betrayal from herself. She wasn’t supposed to let herself be a victim again, and she’d let it happen. But this time, she wasn’t the only victim, and it was crucial to the smallest and most innocent victim that she found peace and safety.
Earlier in the day; she stepped from the tub, stood in front of the mirror; looking and hoping that somehow, maybe magically, the warm soapy water had washed away the bruises on her back and arms. No such luck. She was dealing with thoughts of the previous night’s events as Alex’s voice still boomed in her head. “Why, is he still calling here?! Didn’t I tell you to stop talking to him?! I cannot believe you, Dee Dee! See, this is the kind of shit that makes me so angry with you! Why do you go against me like that?! Damn it!” Yesterday, the telephone at the Turnan residence rang until the answering machine picked up. After the recorded greeting was over, Rick left a short message for his best friend. “Hey, Dee Dee, it’s just me….calling to talk for a minute….nothing important. I’ll be away for the weekend…visiting my mom, so, I’ll catch you later. Maybe you can catch me. I’ll be here until noon tomorrow…L.A time, of course. Bye.”
A phone call from her best friend….a simple innocent message on the answering machine and nothing more, caused Alex to explode with rage, and she had her battle scars to prove it. She’d postponed her doctor’s appointment for two weeks, in order to give the last bruises time to fade, but now she had new ones, and knew the appointment shouldn’t be put off any longer. Maybe the bruises wouldn’t be as noticeable as she thought. Maybe a lie would have to cover them for her.
------
Dee Dee looked up to see the nurse, Suzanne enter the doorway with a bright smile. “Hi. How are you today?”
“I’m doing okay. And you?”
“Fine, thanks. I’m glad you kept this appointment. You’re two weeks off schedule. Dr. Cameron was really hoping to get more blood work a month after your last visit, since she’s concerned about the anemia. It’s really important to keep your appointments.” Another scolding wasn’t what Dee Dee wanted. Alex provided enough, but at least this was truly for her benefit. “So, you’re up to twelve weeks now. How’ve you been feeling? Anything out of the ordinary?”
“No. I have my days of morning sickness…well, not always in the morning, and sometimes I get sleepy out of the blue, and I’m still having a few headaches. Other than that, I’m good.”
“The anemia can be responsible for a lot of your sleepiness, and headaches too. Are you still taking your Chromagen iron capsules and vitamin C tablets?”
“Yes, everyday, like clockwork.” Dee Dee realized that Suzanne hadn’t brought a gown for her to change into. “Am I not having an exam today?”
“Nope, just checking your blood pressure and taking blood for to see if you’re iron count is up. I’ll do another sonogram, but you just have to lift your blouse off your stomach. You’ll get to see how much the baby’s grown in the past six weeks.” She was relieved to be spared of the poking and prodding today. “What happened to your arm?” Suzanne had pushed Dee Dee’s sleeve up in order to take her blood pressure. Mrs. Turnan hadn’t realized how much of her left arm had been exposed.
“I was pushing a little boy on the swing, and I stepped back out of the way and hit my arm on the A-frame.”
“Getting a head start on using playground equipment, huh?”
“Kinda. I’m volunteering at a community center and sometimes we spend time on the playground with the younger kids. I really enjoy it.”
“That’s nice. If I had the time, I’d like to do something like that. I’m glad you’ve found something you like. Just be careful, okay. Accidents happen to adults as well as children on the playground. Well, I guess that’s obvious to you, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I’ll be more careful.” Dee Dee felt she’d scored with getting by on a concocted story of that particular bruise. But how long would she have to play this game?
Suzanne wasn’t completely satisfied with her patient’s reply about the bruise. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I really, really need to know that you actually got hurt at the playground, and that no one did this to you purposely.”
Mrs. Turnan knew what the nurse was driving at. She’d been the one to doubt the cause of bruises on people before, herself. And like a lot of those people, she lied about the cause. “Yeah, I did it myself.”
“Well, even so, I have to let the doctor take a look at it. And we have to make a record of it and any others.”
Dr. Cameron stepped in the room at the end of Suzanne’s sentence. Dee Dee’s sleeve was still up and the doctor had a few couple of questions of her own. “I see the bruise on your arm. What happened?” The patient explained the reason for the bruise just as she told the nurse. “Well, I’m just extra curious when I see a woman with injuries that could have come from her husband. There are thousands of pregnant women who are abused everyday by their husbands or boyfriends, but lie about the injuries out of fear.”
“I know. I’ve seen it happen.”
“Right. You were a police officer and I know you’ve seen some horrible things. I don’t want you to have to live through any of it in your own home. That happens sometimes.”
“I understand that. And I never said that Alex did this to me.” Dee Dee heard herself defending her husband, and she wasn’t happy with herself. The flashbacks of Alex pinning her to the sofa only a couple of weeks into the marriage made her realize that she’s suffered for much longer than she’d admitted to herself. She sighed heavily at the thought of the first slap across her face, and both doctor and nurse picked up on her distress. “Dee Dee. You know the first day you came to see me, I told you that I was here to be trusted. I didn’t let you down when Alex wanted me to talk you into an abortion and I won’t let you down now. I need to know if Alex has been abusing you. It’s extremely dangerous for you and the baby. Most women don’t realize it, but mental abuse is very unhealthy during a pregnancy too. The constant beating up on the psyche can wear on the nerves; making you flinch at his ever move, keeping you restless…losing sleep, and cause you to have ulcers and a constant upset stomach. None of these things are any good for you or the baby.” The doctor went right for the big questions. “Now, have you told Alex that you’re pregnant by Rick? Is that the majority of the reason he’s doing this?”
Dee Dee knew she wasn’t going to be able to talk her way out anything else on the subject for much longer. She was too tired of hiding, hoping, and praying that she could keep secret, what was causing her to endanger her child’s life. “I haven’t told him, because things are tough enough as it is. Why make it worse? He’s hit me a few times, but not because of the baby since he doesn’t know about it. He’s been going through a lot with losing someone he cared for in an accident, and he’s dealing with a drug addiction. Well, more or less ending it, now. That pretty much adds fuel to the fire. He’s really easy to set off.”
“You know that doesn’t give him the right to do this. Have you ever called the police on him?”
“No.”
“If you don’t, I will. I have to report this.”
Mrs. Turnan hadn’t realized how much she’d said, and how much trouble she could be stirring up. “No…don’t! Please. I’ll be leaving him soon. I plan to leave him without telling him about the baby, but I just haven’t found the chance yet.”
“How many chances do you think you’ll have? There may not be a perfect time to leave, if that’s what you’re waiting on.” Dr. Cameron nodded for Suzanne to give Dee Dee the information packet. “Here. This has all the information you need about getting help. I can get you into a shelter today if you want. I can’t force you to do it, but I strongly advice that you go.”
Dee Dee suddenly thought of herself as one of the countless women in L.A shelters, who were either pregnant or had young children with them. The vast majority was abused by their husbands, and she didn’t want to be in that category. She knew she didn’t need a dime to get into the shelter, and realized she was unintentionally using the lack of money as an excuse not to leave.
“Listen, Dee Dee. I don’t have to tell you how women lie and keep quiet to protect those losers from going to jail, and themselves from more abuse. I know you’re scared, but you know full well that you don’t have to take this from Alex.” Doctor Cameron didn’t intend to be harsh with Dee Dee, but wanted to make a stern point. “I’m not saying that you should know better because you were a police officer, because this happens to women of all walks of life. It burns me up when I hear people say it wouldn’t happen to them or to someone they know because they’re too strong willed and independent. They just don’t know how it works. They think ‘no way’ would that happen to someone of authority. Some victims…prison guards, for example; literally hold the key when it comes to keeping abusers locked away in prison. But when they get home, their husbands can berate and belittle them so badly that they lose themselves…their identity for the all moments they spend with that man. I don’t want to have to preach to you, but I want you to realize what you’re doing to yourself and to that little baby. I want you to believe that you have a choice to make your situation better.”
“I do believe that. And I’ll make sure we’re safe.” Dee Dee wasn’t exactly sure of the exact moment she’d make her situation better, but she knew it wouldn’t be too far off.
The doctor asked Mrs. Turnan if she could lift her blouse from her back for further inspection. As suspected, Dr. Cameron found more faint but visible bruises. “With your permission we’ll need to take a few pictures, just to keep on record. Hopefully Alex won’t hurt you any worse than he has, but if he does….”
“If he hurts me bad enough, that I can’t speak, or if he kills me, you’ll have evidence for the police. I know.” For a few seconds Dee Dee felt sadness within herself. She had let Alex take away so much from her and she let it happen so easily. She knew that most of the suffering could have been prevented if she’d have had the courage to fight back. She needed strength to fight, and Alexander Jay Turnan had stolen that strength. “I’ll be okay. I know I have to leave Alex. I can’t let him take anything more from me.” The determination in voice and the flash in her eyes proved that she meant it.
A trusting look appeared over the doctor’s face. “Against my better judgment; I’m giving you twenty-four hours to get out of that house, or at least report Alex, or I’ll do it myself.” Her patient nodded her head in agreement. “I’ll do it. Thanks, Dr. Cameron.”
Dr. Cameron squeezed her patient’s hand in support and encouragement as her pager alerted her of an emergency call. “Good luck with moving on and getting out of there. Call me when you get settled into the shelter or with friends and if I can help or just if you need me to listen. I’ll see you back here in two months, unless you have any problems.” The doctor left Suzanne to finish up.
“Did you fill out the form…the father’s medical history? Dr. Cameron told me to be sure to get that from you.”
Dee Dee hadn’t bothered with the form. Putting up with Alex caused it to actually slip her mind. “I completely forgot about it. I mean, I forgot to bring it. Is it okay if I mail it in?”
“Sure. I’ll leave a note for the doctor to let her know. Make sure you mail it right away. It’s really important.”
“I will. I’ll mail it tonight.”
As the sonogram began Dee Dee could see the difference in her baby’s growth. And for the first time, she could also hear the whooshing sound through the speakers, which indicated a strong heartbeat. Dee Dee was amazed by what she saw and heard, and spoke softly to herself. “I’ll never forget this sound…this moment, for as long as I live.”
-----
Later, at the center, the kids worked on their macaroni necklaces as Dee Dee sat down in one of the junior sized chairs, at a matching table to fill out the medical form. She knew quite a bit about Rick’s medical background, and a little about his family. They made up games such as ‘name this ailment’, or ‘guess that surgery’, when they were bored on stakeout. She thought of when he lied about his friend having his liver removed. She argued that it’s impossible for a person to survive without a liver. She smiled at the thought of his defeat, when he told her the guy had a little bit of his liver left…the size of a hamster’s liver.
Most of the questions were easy to guess at, and get a pretty accurate answer. Others, she had to hope for the best. Although he did love his pizza, cheeseburgers, beer, and the ever popular, extremely precious, chili dogs with the works, he wasn’t totally dependant on the junk food. He also did a great job of keeping in shape by lifting weights, basic exercise and jogging along the beach; every day he wasn’t too exhausted from work. Dee Dee kept herself in pretty good shape too. She never did a lot of strenuous exercise, but yoga and the occasional light aerobics did the trick. She was naturally fit, so it didn’t take much for her to keep in shape. After completing the form, she gave it a once over for any missed questions, and it hit her that she and Rick were actually expecting a baby together. Every question she answered on that paper pertained to the father of her child….Rick Hunter. She felt she’d burst if she didn’t tell someone about her baby. This was the type of news she’d always wanted to share with her family and friends. She didn’t think her mother would understand the situation. She didn’t want to have to hear questions like: Has she told Rick about the baby, will they have joint custody, was Alex was going to raise the child, would they divorce, would she marry Rick, and any number of other questions her mother and father might ask. And she definitely didn’t want Rick to hear the news from them, instead of her. She didn’t even know how she’d tell Rick about his baby. She couldn’t dwell on that now, or else the thoughts of his not wanting a child right now would send a flood of tears down her cheeks.
“Dee Dee?” The voice of Ryan Jacobs came from behind. “What are you up to? Why aren’t you making a macaroni necklace for your mom? I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”
Turning to face Ryan, Dee Dee could see the thirty-something year old display his boyish grin with his joking comment.
“Hi. I decided to wait until we moved on to a full set. You know…necklace, bracelet, earrings and ring. My mom really likes to coordinate her jewelry.” Dee Dee’s smile was welcomed exercise to her facial muscles. It was usually around the kids when her smile made an appearance, while Ryan Jacobs and Celise Grey were also responsible for a few.
The math teacher opted for the tabletop for a seat, instead of trying to wedge his 6ft. frame into the miniature chair. “So your mom is a jewelry hog, huh? I’ve got some tri-color pasta shell bracelets and a few other items I’m trying to hock. Think she’d be interested in taking them?” Again, the boyish grin made an appearance after his attempt of a serious expression failed.
“I don’t know. I’ll have to ask her about it. She’d probably want a private showing if you can arrange it. She’s all about business when it comes to jewelry.” Dee Dee managed to keep her serious expression with her reply until Ryan’s laugh broke the spell.
“So, how’s ninth grade math treating you these days, Mr. Jacobs?”
“It’s about the same as usual….very kind. It’s the students who give me the trouble. They tend to believe that homework is a form of cruel and unusual punishment. And, heaven forbid I should call one of them to the board to solve a problem. That’s when I have to duck and dodge the rotten fruit and vegetables.”
Dee Dee thought about the time she had the same items thrown at her. “You’re joking, but my partner and I actually had people throw that stuff at us.”
“Really?” Ryan’s interest was peaked. “What was going on?”
“Rick…my partner, was checking on a lead in an apartment building, and a group of residents didn’t appreciate his snooping around. So when he stepped outside, they bombarded him with all sorts of garbage. He managed to get inside his car, but all his tires had been flattened so he was stuck. He radioed for help…me, of course, and when I drove up, nasty garbage was flying all over the place. Boy was I glad I listened when he told me not to drive my car. Two police issued cars were covered in rotting stinking garbage. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”
“Ah, the perils of police work and teaching. Not too far from being the same.” The two shared a laugh at the comparison.
“So, how’s Tanya?”
“She’s fine, Thanks. She asked about you the other day. She said to tell you ‘hi’ and that she hasn’t forgotten about going to lunch and shopping with you. She’s just been really busy at work.”
“I understand. And tell her hello from me too.”
“I will. She really enjoys working at the foundation. As a matter of fact she; along with a couple of other lab techs got an offer from Kinsley to go to Africa for a two year study. I think it’ll be in the same area where Alex was.” Dee Dee thought about Alex’s mention of traveling the world for Kinsley, and how his plans included taking her away from her new friends. It could be now that at least one friend would be leaving her.
“Is she going to take the offer?”
“She’s thinking about it. It’d mean I’ll have to give up my job and leave the students I’ve just gotten to know. But I guess that’s all in it. I knew that her career could cause us to move about for a while but I guess it never really set in as to how quickly it could happen.”
“I know what you mean.”
“I know how important it is to her, so I won’t protest. She said if she takes the offer, we’d either come back here or go back to the states for good after the two years. To me, it’s like being married to a member of the military….always on the move. I just hope we can get settled in one place for good, especially when we decide to have kids.”
“You will. Just give it a little time. It’s good that she has you to support her with her decisions.” Dee Dee remembered how she felt the same about Alex’s decision. She was very supportive of his career move, and as his wife she intended to stand beside him for every minute of it. She didn’t realize her support would lead her to a hellish life.
“I really love that girl. And I’ll do anything for her.” Ryan was lost in adoration for his wife, until he glanced at the papers in front of Dee Dee. “I forgot you were working on something when I started talking. I’ll let you get back to it before the kids attack you with the pasta jewels.”
“That’s okay. I’m almost done.”
Ryan Jacobs raised his six foot tall frame from the small table he was sitting on, in order to leave Dee Dee to finish what she was doing. “I’d better get back to my room. I left four to practice chord on the guitar, and I’ve got two kids; ReAnne and Jamal both fourteen, coming for math tutoring in about a half hour. They haven’t made an official announcement, but I think they’re experiencing puppy love. Have you ever spent ninety minutes with two fourteen year olds with crushes on each other?”
Dee Dee smiled with her reply. “Nope, I can’t say that I have. But I was a fourteen year old girl once and I know what an aphrodisiac algebra can be.”
Ryan laughed at the response and added a compliment. “And I’m sure you were a beauty, with all the boys wanting to study any subject with you.” Dee Dee smiled with a slight amount of blushing.
Mr. Jacobs made a quick sweep of the room full of six and seven year olds; giving each child praise for their craft, and reminded them to behave for Mrs. Turnan as he exited the room. Dee Dee was grateful that Ryan hadn’t been nosey and asked about the papers in front of her. She wasn’t ready to go into detail with him, about her situation. She did, however want to share with someone.
(A few hours later)
After arriving home from the community center, Dee Dee paced the bedroom floor, wondering who she could talk to as she had wrestled with the idea of talking about her baby for weeks. Alex forbade her to ever speak to anyone about the marital arrangement, but if she didn’t at least share the news about her baby, she’d explode. She wasn’t up to talking things over with her mother. Not yet, anyway.
She could talk to Celise about what was going on. She headed down the stairs. Peeking into the den, she saw no sign of her husband. She heard sounds coming from the kitchen; the refrigerator door closing, and the light pop of either a beer or soda can being opened. As Alex exited the kitchen, Dee Dee caught him at the doorway and told him she was walking down the block to Celise’s. Alex didn’t have a problem with her visiting with Celise. It was back when she started volunteering that he agreed she should have at least one friend, so it wouldn’t seem as so obvious that he held her by a short leash. She and Celise had grown closer over the past couple of months, and she felt that news like this could be trusted with her. There was so much to say. If she didn’t tell Celise about every miserable detail with Alex, she’d at least tell her about Rick and of course, their baby.
****