Hi, gang.
I promised myself that I'd get this part up before the month of January went out. I made it!
I hope you're all doing great and will find some enjoyment in part 22. Things
might start to look up for Dee Dee some time soon.
.
Thanks so much for coming by to read. Your dedication makes it all worth while to write.
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(Part 22)
“Dee Dee?! Dee Dee!” Alex burst into the bedroom; scaring his wife out of a rarely sound sleep.
“What?!” She bolted straight up in bed; her heart racing at full speed. She wasn’t sure of what was on Alex’s mind, so she instinctively feared the worst. “What’s wrong?!”
Before she even sat up, Alex had already clicked on the ceiling light with the switch by the door. As Dee Dee sat confused; in wonder of what was happening, she watched as Alex momentarily and silently stared at the bed and then at her.
He exhaled deeply. “Oh, it was the dream, again. I thought you were…” He stopped; with a quick thought of the scene. “It was so realistic.”
Dee Dee was still unaware of what he was talking about and waited for more details.
“I had a nightmare.” Alex sighed again. “I’ll tell you about it in a minute.”
As Dee Dee’s heart rate slowed a bit closer to normal, she rested her back against the headboard as she wondered what Alex’s dream could have been about. Perspiration on his face, and his wild-eyed look, made it clear that it had shaken him pretty badly.
Alex went into the bathroom for a wet cloth to wipe his face and neck. When he returned, he took a seat on the bed. “For weeks I’ve had awful dreams…nightmares, of women crying and pleading for their children not to taken away. There’d be groups of them in a worn down abandoned clinic; some with small children, or either they’d just given birth or were about to. There were other people there too; men and women…some wearing scrubs, who only walked the halls and in and out of the rooms looking for the babies. As soon as a baby was born, they’d immediately cut the cord then rush out of the room with the baby, never giving the mother a chance to see it, let alone hold it. The screams these women had…the ear-piercing shrieks of despair rang through my ears, but I never did anything to stop these people from taking the babies. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. It was like I was glued to where I was standing and no matter how much I wanted to move, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t even speak. All I could do was watch and hear the screams.” He wiped his brow and sighed deeply again before continuing. “Tonight, it started off the same as what I’ve just told you, and then changed into the focus of one particular woman. She was pregnant, in premature labor, bleeding and begging me to help her. The difference with her and the others is that I had ever opportunity to help her, but I chose not to.”
Dee Dee was surprised to hear that, and waited intently to for why Alex wouldn’t help the woman.
I didn’t know these other women, but this one; I know her.” He looked directly into her Dee Dee’s eyes. “It’s…you.”
Dee Dee’s heart fluttered along with the chill that ran down her spine. The idea of anything happening to the child she was carrying was most upsetting. Although Alex didn’t know about the baby, she couldn’t help but wonder if somehow his dreams were some sort of premonition of the truth.
Alex continued. “We’re here at the house, I’m in another room and I hear you calling me. Once I get to the bedroom you’re doubled over on the bed in pain. You ask me to take you to the hospital, but I just stand there without any attempt to help you. I feel nothing but anger toward you because I don’t want the baby. Throughout the whole time you’re in labor, I’m waiting for someone else to come and take the baby away. I don’t know who this woman is, but I do remember making a phone call for her to come over. The baby’s born before she gets there. He was tiny… probably just a couple of pounds…wasn’t breathing; no response. The woman came in with her medical supplies, revived him and handed him to you. You were quite relieved, but I couldn’t wait to get rid of him. I wanted him gone as far away from me as possible.” Alex lowered his head and sighed heavily, almost seeming remorseful.
Dee Dee remained quiet as the unbelievable story was told. Even if she did want to speak, she didn’t know what to say.
“I remember pulling the baby from you arms and handing him to the woman. She took him downstairs to someone who was waiting to take him away. You were hysterical because you wanted the baby, and the woman gave you a sedative and eventually you fall asleep. After a while, as I’m sitting beside you on the bed, I begin to feel horrible about what happened.” Alex had to hold his emotions intact. He felt a pang of guilt, but didn’t find it necessary to show anymore signs of his weakness in front of his wife. Telling her about the dream was enough admittance to fault for now. “I wanted to find the baby and bring it back, but I knew it was too late. The person, who was waiting downstairs for the baby, was Monica Fallon. I knew that I told Monica to do whatever it took to keep me from ever seeing that child again.”
Dee Dee sat in awe; shocked at Alex’s deplorable acts in the dream. She couldn’t believe the twists and turns of this story. It was all too surreal. She thought – (This man causes terror in both reality and non-reality. Is there no end?) She shook her head in disbelief and pulled the covers more securely over her stomach as she thought her baby.
“I didn’t have a clue as to how to find him, and I felt horrible knowing that I’d given Monica the go ahead to do whatever she wanted with him.” Alex looked directly into his wife’s eyes with all honesty. The guilt is killing me, Dee Dee.” Mrs. Turnan had figured that much out sometime ago. But his admitting it was another story. She needed to know why he’d feel so guilty since he was so heavily against them having a baby; even going so far as to have her abort their own child if she were pregnant.
Alex began again. “I know you were never pregnant to begin with, but I guess the reality that I could have become a father within a few months, must have really rattled me. I’ve had dreams and thoughts of those babies who died in Africa while I was there…the horrible mortality rate and the suffering of those who had to lose the battle against disease and starvation. I’ve seen parents begging and pleading hysterically and willing to give up what little they owned if the life of their child would be spared. And even though I didn’t tell Monica what to with the baby, I knew in my heart that she was capable of doing something more horrific than just selling him to someone. That made it all the more real to me that I was no better than those people in Africa who stole and sold babies. Or those that didn’t save the babies that died. In every single dream, I could see blood at my feet and when I looked at my hands, they were covered with it. I guess it represented what I should and could have done to help those women…and you. It was like I was a part of the killings and kidnappings.” He sighed deeply again in what seemed to Dee Dee an effort to release stress. “I suppose the dreams are a way for me to realize how wrong I was, with handling the situation when we thought you were pregnant. I shouldn’t have been so harsh with you about the abortion. I’m not saying I would have wanted to keep the baby, because the timing was just wrong and with the vasectomy it’s more than obvious that I didn’t want one. But I just feel I could have gone about the decision a little better.”
Dee Dee was quite surprised to hear that Alex had any feelings that he could have been wrong about anything.
“I’ve done some horrible things to you, Dee Dee. But the man who did those things isn’t really who I am. My life has been destroyed by something I couldn’t handle, and I found joy in hurting you; some way to have control over something.” Alex took a deep breath to add sincerity to the last two words. “I’m so sorry, Dee Dee. I’m really very sorry for what I’ve done to you.”
Dee Dee thought she was the one dreaming now. (Alex is sorry?) She didn’t really know how to reply to that. Before she could give it another thought, Alex began with more surprising news.
“I need to talk to you about something really important. I’m sure you’re curious as to why I haven’t been to work in a while.” Dee Dee didn’t answer. She only looked at him with uncertainty as he continued. “I have a serious problem, and it’s why I’m not working.” He paused, sighed and let his eyes wander the room as he seemed to search for words. “It’s a little hard for me to admit this, but I have to do it. I’ve been using cocaine.”
Dee Dee wasn’t surprised of course, but did fake a surprised “Oh” to the confession.
“I started using when I met Monica. She introduced me to it and I couldn’t refuse. At first it was only a line a couple of times a week, but after a while my cravings grew stronger and I began using most every day. Now I’m ready to stop. I’m afraid of losing so much; not just my life as a scientist, but my life as in leaving this world. I don’t want to die, Dee Dee. I really don’t. I blame Monica and I blame myself for letting things go so wrong, but I can change now, before it’s too late.” He shifted his weight for more comfort and better focus on his wife. “I’ve had awful dreams about Monica coming after me after she’s dead; telling me we belong together, and I guess they’re a wake up call for me. She helped me started in all of this, and now I know I have to end it. By request of Dr. Ingram and the board, I’m supposed to admit myself into a rehab facility. But I don’t need to. I feel I can do this at home with your help.”
Dee Dee let out a slight gasp at the surprising news. She knew that Alex couldn’t quit the drugs without proper supervision and counseling. Detoxification without professional help could be very dangerous and he could suffer long term physical and emotional trauma. Not to mention the danger he could be to her. She was afraid, and would try to explain without raising his anger. “I can’t help you, Alex. I don’t know how. I’m not trained to handle this type of situation.”
“Come on, Dee Dee. Just give me two weeks to do this.”
“Two weeks?” Dee Dee said in surprise. She thought - (Is he serious? That’s not nearly enough time at all)
“Yes. If I can’t make it, I’ll go to rehab and check myself in.”
“Stopping drugs cold turkey is very dangerous. You’ll go through withdrawal; be angry, confused, and…and there’s no telling what else. What if during the confusion, you mistake my doing something to help you, as something to hurt you?”
“I won’t, Dee Dee.” Alex wasn’t finished bargaining yet. “Please don’t say no, just yet. I want you to read something.” He went to his office for the object he spoke of and returned to give it to his wife. “Here. I typed it up before Monica died, and I feel now is the time for you to read it. Read it, and you’ll understand what’s going on with me. I’ll be in my office and you can come talk to me after you finish. On second thought, I’ll sleep in there tonight to give you time to yourself, to think about it overnight.” Alex left the room, allowing his wife time alone with the letter.
Mrs. Turnan began to read the words of confession from her husband.
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“Dee Dee. I don’t know if I could handle actually talking to you about this. Call me a coward if you want, for writing a letter, but at least I’m letting you know what’s going on.
I know you didn’t deserve the way I’ve treated you. It was as if I was under a spell. Like my mind, body and soul had been taken over by demons. I remember a lot of the things I did and said to you, so I couldn’t have been totally unaware of my actions. When I was with Monica, things were wild and reckless. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but at the same time I felt I needed to do it. Hurting you was some sick bonus, I guess, but I did realize how deep the pain I was causing you was. I had times of guilt and depression over the way I treated you. I never owned up to it because I didn’t want to show any signs of weakness against the dominant persona I’d built. I didn’t want to lose anything I’d gained in my professional status, and knowing I could keep you under complete control made it so much easier to keep you from destroying me with the truth. I didn’t care that I was destroying you. I had my own personal cheering section to keep up what I was doing to you. Yes. You’re correct to assume Monica.
Monica was a helpless woman. Drugs, sex, and her career were the only things she felt she had control of. I was there for her as the company she needed when she got lonely. When I first met her, a friend warned me that she was nothing but trouble, but I was fascinated by her. It wasn’t just about the sex, and drugs. She was a very determined woman. And watching her perform an act of balancing a demanding career while being strung out on coke; never losing a beat or getting caught, intrigued me even more. I was drawn in. I must admit, for years I’ve been tempted to try something to give me the extra boost, so I could put in one more hour of work for the day. I wanted to go the extra mile without getting winded, but never felt I could get away with it. That is, until I met Monica. She was amazing at the way she worked it all out. She told me I could do it as easily as she did. At first, I started off slow because I was afraid of being transparent. I thought I’d start acting weird like the obvious junkies I’ve seen at parties, or wherever. I soon realized that I didn’t have to worry about that when Monica taught me to pace myself and how take certain precautions to alter the drug testing for work. That was the green light to push it further. A few weeks passed by and we were nothing more than two friends snorting powder and trading stories about career goals, until one moment we felt we wanted to alter the level of friendship and we decided to sleep together.”
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Dee Dee felt a sickening feeling as she read that part. She’d already been told about their sexual escapades, but the reminder on paper wasn’t one she needed. She pressed on with the reading. She had unintentionally become transfixed with the letter, as her eyes followed along to the next paragraph.
-
“With the combination of drugs, alcohol and curiosity, I couldn’t say no to Monica. I’d realized from the start that whatever it was we had would never amount to anything worthwhile, but I didn’t turn her away. When I started having the nosebleeds, I knew that I had to give up the cocaine. It was obviously doing me more harm than I admitted, but I couldn’t stop. I can stop now, but I need you to help me get through it.
Dee Dee, I’m truly sorry for what I’ve done. Please believe me. I’m hoping you will, and that we can work on being happy together, just as we should have been. I told you that I never had an undying love for you, but maybe that could change. I’m not guarantying that I’ll be the exact man of your dreams, but I’ll give it my best in return of you helping to save my life. You really do deserve so much better.
With all sincerity and love,
Alex
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Dee Dee thought - (Sincerity and love? From Alex?) She honestly wanted to believe he was sorry, but it was far too easy for him to go this route.
A few minutes after reading the letter, something dawned on her. It had become clear why Alex accused her of being happy about Monica’s death. She remembered from her psychology course that some people push their guilt onto others when they’re not ready to accept it. Alex blamed Monica for a lot of his problems and when she died, he felt guilty for wishing her away for good. Alex was the one who was happy…relieved, that Monica was dead, and instead accepting the fact, he tossed blame upon his wife.
Dee Dee wondered, how could she be so kind to someone who was so cruel? It was her nature to be giving, but she needed to draw the line somewhere. Saying no to him might cause more physical abuse against her as well, but she would have to take the risk because she knew she had to leave the house for good within a few hours. There were still a few hours left before the sun would rise, and Dee Dee wanted to get some rest for the busy day ahead. With so much on her mind, she knew it wouldn’t be an easy night of rest. After an hour of tossing and turning had passed, she turned on the television for background noise, hoping it’d help to distract the thoughts of dealing with Alex. No matter what she thought of to clear her thoughts of Alex, nothing worked.
She also had to deal with worrying about the call from Dr. Cameron. The doctor made it very clear that she’d only allow her twenty-fours to remove herself from the house, or she’d place a call to the police; exposing the truth of Alex’s abusive actions. She had only a few hours before the call was due, and if Alex found out… She didn’t want to think about the consequences, but it couldn’t be helped.
She spent the remaining hours of darkness, wide awake.
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Later into the morning, Dee Dee planned to leave while Alex was in the shower, but he was in the room to talk to her early that morning.
“Have you thought about it?” He asked eagerly. “I hope the letter shed some light on my situation, and helped you decide to give me a chance. Will you help me?”
Dee Dee knew needed to buy herself some time. Even if only one hour, she needed time to gather her things and get out of the house without Alex knowing. “Yes, I’ll try.”
A grateful Alex clasped his hands over his wife’s. “Thank you. You won’t regret this. I promise.” He stood up and walked toward the door. “I have some coke here that I’ll have to get rid of, but I can’t do it all at once. I’ll have to be weaned off. You’ll have to monitor my intake of it and the anti-anxiety medication.”
Dee Dee couldn’t believe how casual he made it sound; like trying to cut down from one pack to a half pack of cigarettes a day. She sighed lightly at how preposterous the idea sounded. Once Alex was out of the room, she went into the bathroom to shower and dress for the day. She chose a soft blue hooded warm-up suit; fitting more tightly at the waist than usual, and white socks. After she went downstairs, Alex decided he’d go up and get a shower too. Dee Dee realized that it was most likely at this moment that she’d be able to sneak her suitcases from the back of the closet and get them out to the car. As soon as she heard the water running full force in the shower, she peeked inside the bathroom to make sure Alex was inside the shower stall. She pulled her white sneakers from the closet and sat on the edge of the bed to untie the laces. As her nervous fingers struggled with a knot in one lace, she hoped Dr. Cameron wouldn’t call to check on her. Alex would surely freak if he found out. She managed to quietly remove one of the cases from the closet and take it downstairs and out to the trunk of her car. As she headed upstairs for the second bag, she suddenly felt a wave dizziness take over. She steadied herself by holding on to the banister, but before she could move, nausea made an appearance. “No, not now.” She said to herself. She knew that feeling ill would definitely slow her down. She also knew Alex would be out of the shower soon, and timing was very crucial. After a few moments, she was able to continue upstairs for her second bag. She quickly grabbed it and headed for the stairway, but once again she felt sick; even worse than before. The stairs seemed to swirl below, as her head began throbbed steadily. She didn’t get any farther than the top first step when she had to sit down. With her suitcase at her side, she rested her head against the wall and hoped the feeling would subside very quickly. She had to get moving.
Suddenly, she was startled by Alex’s voice from behind her.
“What’s this?” He looked at the suitcase and then back to his wife. “You wouldn’t be planning to sneak out on me, would you?”
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