Musings of a Paranoid Man
By Lds_phile
rating: G/PG
summery: well, you read it, and then you'll know
Disclaimer: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, the Cigarette Smoking Man and Walter Skinner are co. owned by Chris Carter and ten-Thirteen Productions along with Twentieth Century FOX. No copy right infringement intended.
They call me crazy, ha! I’m not as crazy as they think. In fact, I’m the most rational person in this whole building. That’s not saying much, seeing that I’m in an insane asylum. I was put here because of what I know. I guess the world wasn’t ready for it yet. Empty days pass away in this padded chamber. I was used to a life of running, action, and danger. Now I sit in this cell with nothing but my mind to keep me company. Different nurses take turns shaving my face, cutting my hair, and feeding me. Sometimes they forget to feed me. I’m so hungry! I wonder what time it is. The nurses took my watch away. They were afraid I’d use it to kill myself. That’s all I think about now. If I have to wear this white jacket any longer, I swear I’ll find a way to die. The jacket constricts my space and makes me claustrophobic. I start to bang my head against the wall, not because I’m crazy, but because it comforts me. The repetitive motion clears my thoughts, but it doesn’t hurt because of the soft walls. For a moment, I’m not here. I think myself back in time, before I came to this awful place.
My life was great. It wasn’t perfect, actually it was pretty far from it, but I thought that it was great. I was a promising young FBI agent. I had the best partner that a guy could ever ask for. Sure, we were as different as night and day, but we had an exceptional partnership. Dana Scully was a medical doctor. She stood at only 5'1" and had fiery red hair. We looked odd walking down the J. Edgar Hoover building corridors together. I was over a foot taller than her! More than just our height set us apart. Agent Scully and I had very different reputations. I had a problem with authority, I was a ladies’ man, and my nickname was “Spooky Mulder.” Scully, on the other hand was the all around perfect, by-the-book FBI agent. Heads were turned and questions were asked when Scully was assigned to be my partner. She was originally paired with me to debunk my work and to discredit my investigations into the paranormal. Despite our differences, we grew to be best friends and were considered by many the best team in the bureau. With no family that I was currently speaking to, Dana Scully became my life. She was always there for me, and I for her.
That’s when my ‘life’ ended. After more than five years of being together, they took her away. Scully and I had been working off the mainstream of the bureau, in a division called the X-files. We worked on cases that dealt with paranormal phenomena. We worked to uncover a government conspiracy that reached down to every man woman and child on this planet. Many times our lives were threatened by these conspiring men we aspired to reveal, these shadow men. They went to great lengths as an attempt to stop our work. They knew how close Scully and I had become and how much I came to depend on her. If these men wanted to stop me, they knew how. I had no fear for my own life, but I felt obligated to protect hers.
If I had been there the night when she was taken, my whole life would be different. If I had been there, I could have saved her. Had I been a better partner and friend, I would have been there. It’s my fault. They took her to stop me, no, to stop us. I showed up at her apartment to go over some paper work. When I arrived, it was too late. Tables and chairs were upturned, signs of a struggle. A note written on the wall in what looked like blood read: GAME’S OVER G-MAN. THIS TIME SHE WON’T BE RETURNED. As I picked up a chair and smashed it against the blood-stained wall, I yelled, “If that’s her blood, I’ll kill you!” My voice cracked and a single tear ran down my cheek as I added, “I swear I’ll kill you.”
I knew that whoever had done this to my partner was long gone, but I needed to voice my threat. I needed to scream it so the world would hear, so she would hear. It was as much a promise to myself as it was to Scully.
After that terrible agonizing night I died. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Once in a while I’d doze off, but the nightmare that was my life managed to wake me every time. I contemplated suicide, but that’s what the shadow men wanted. They wanted me to give up. I couldn’t do that to Scully. I couldn’t leave her out there. I didn’t even know whether or not she was alive. No one fully understood how close Scully and I were, how much she was a part of me. I remember thinking once that all I need to live was air and Scully by my side. She was my human credential, my other half.
Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer. I cracked. I went to work and I marched right into Assistant Director Skinner’s office. I was prepared to hand in my letter of resignation. I decided to give up on my job at the FBI and search for Scully full time. At that moment I didn’t care about anything but my oath to find her. When I walked into Skinner’s office, I saw him. One of the shadow men I blamed for my partner’s disappearance, one which I called the Cigarette Smoking Man. He stood talking to my boss. How could Skinner betray me like that? My rage and emotion over took me, and next thing I knew the Cigarette Smoking Man lay stiffly on the ground with a bullet hole from my gun in his head. I don’t even remember drawing my gun or pulling the trigger, but when it was done, I was glad that it happened. He deserved it. The Cigarette Smoking Man had been at the barrel of my gun before, but then I didn’t have courage to pull the trigger. I’m sure that he had killed a man on more than one occasion, and with less reason than I had to kill him.
I don’t clearly remember what happened after that. I know that I ended up in court. I recall taking the stand in my trial. The lawyers asked me questions. I didn’t believe that they were asking the right questions, the ones that proved how much the Cigarette Smoking Man deserved my bullet. When I couldn’t stand the interrogation any longer, I went off on an enraged tangent. I stood up in the middle of the court room and told the jury what I knew. I told them that I was a key player in an ongoing government charade, a plot to conceal the truth about the existence of extra terrestrials. That it’s a conspiracy that reaches down to every man woman and child on this planet. That the Cigarette Smoking Man and his allies were working against me. They didn’t want me to reveal their secrets. That’s why they took my partner, to stop us from uncovering the secrets that they worked so hard to conceal. They were allies with aliens that were going to colonize our planet. The shadow men help them in order to ensure their own survival in a future that seemed inevitable.
The judge and several officials attempted multiple times to force me to my seat, but I refused. I was held in contempt of court and later the decision was handed down that I was not mentally capable of standing a trial or taking responsibility for my own actions. So, I was placed in this asylum where I sit day in and day out banging my head against the wall while pleading for my freedom. I promised her I’d come and save her. They don’t understand. She needs my help. I’ve concluded that I’ve been contained here for almost six months.
I hear people coming down the hall. Two sets of heavy footsteps pounding and one set lightly tapping the hard marble floor. They visitors proceed silently down the corridor as their footsteps grow louder and louder until they reach my door. I hear the jingle of the guard’s keys and the sound of one key sliding into the lock on my door. I wonder what they want to do to me now. Haven’t I been through enough yet?
The door opens to reveal the impossible. Dana Scully stands beside two muscular guards in uniform, tears flow down her face the moment she sees me. My heart almost lurches out of my chest. Is it really her? Has she finally come back to me? There is only an instant of hesitation before she comes to my side. As quickly as she can, Scully takes the straight jacket from me. She sits down on the floor with me and we hold each other, rocking and weeping. I wonder how she managed to come back to me and if they’re still going to make me stay here. I soon forget my worries and lay my head on her shoulder in what I hope is a never-ending embrace. Tears flood our eyes and streak down both of our cheeks. We don’t need to speak. We know each other’s thoughts. I don’t ever want to be without her again. A small smile of pure bliss surfaces on my lips, hopefully the first of many in what seems to have been an eternity.
Feedback?! I need it! this is my 1st story, I need encouragement or critisism, either one.