That teacher who secretly enjoyed it: Another testimony
May 13 2012 at 3:34 AM
I stumbled across this forum several weeks ago, and have since been reading through the archives with some interest. Of particular interest has been an older and very lengthy exchange from 2009, in which a member going by the handle "JJ" describes his experiences slippering female students when he was a teacher. While the veracity of this account is difficult to determine, it brought back a flood of memories for me. Most of what I'm about to relate I have never told to anyone; it's now far enough away in space and time that I feel comfortable sharing it, however, so hopefully telling this story will give me some peace.
During the late 70's and early 80's, I taught English and mathematics at a high school in the southern midwest of the United States. For the sake of anonymity I'll leave precise dates and locations (as well as most names) vague. The school was technically private, but essentially functioned as the main public school in the rather small town it was in. (The origins of this situation are interesting but somewhat difficult to relate anonymously and not entirely relevant to this discussion.) As one would expect from the locale, the student body was mostly white, conservative, and middle-class. Enrollment averaged around 500 students during the years I was there; a class size of 20-30 students was typical.
I grew up with some experience with corporal punishment, both as a child and at the school I attended, but it was a fairly rare event. I was not spanked personally after perhaps the age of six, and the topic rarely came up. There was always something about it that excited me, however. In junior high I remember hearing of girls being paddled and getting a strange thrill, but due to the rarity and nonchalance with which it was treated it never become a major focal point for my sexual appetite.
When I was about to first take my position at the school, I was warned by a friend that paddling was used fairly extensively there. I believe he said this more as a cautionary sign about the student's behavior than anything else, but whatever the intention, it had the effect of re-awakening some of my childhood fantasies. As the school year approached I began to think more and more about spanking and paddling, especially involving female students. I must admit that the possibility of a little disciplinary action made me look forward to starting work, even though I was less than certain about my actual teaching ability. Still, I thought more in the manner of an observer than a participant, hoping more to see it used than carry it out myself.
All that changed several days before school started. I was going over school policies with the principal when the subject of corporal punishment came up. The actual content of this conversation is a complete blank in my head - I imagine the shock and novelty of the information simply overwrote my memory somehow - but what I do know for certain is that, at the end of it, I walked out of the principal's office with a wooden paddle and a radically different frame of mind. I took the paddle home and put it on the table next to my bed. The next few days were busy, but I remember looking at it often. I actually tried the paddle on myself a few times. (It really didn't hurt as much as I was expecting. I later realized that I'm pretty much just impervious to pain, or unwilling/unable to hit myself very hard - certainly, the kids I paddled thought it hurt plenty.)
Each teacher or administrator was in charge of their own discipline, although they could elect to have matters taken care of by the principal or AP if they wished. I believe about a third of the teachers took this route; the others handled most of their discipline in-class. There was a fairly specific set of restrictions on how paddlings could be carried out - maximum of six official swats, in private, no clothing removed except for outer layers like coats, etc. Within this framework we had relative freedom to manage our classrooms as we saw fit. There was an official list of punishable offenses, but most of them just said "at staff discretion".
I realized immediately that if I was going to paddle students for my own enjoyment, I would have to be extremely careful. As a self-respecting, extremely heterosexual male, I was only really interested in paddling girls; but in order not to arouse suspicion, I would have to be very careful to be gender-neutral in my discipline. In reality this probably resulted in me paddling boys more than I wanted to, rather than paddling girls less than I wanted to, but I think I succeeded in appearing fair. (I will admit that I probably let the boys off a lot easier in terms of actual force.) Like JJ, I also made a point to be "the nice teacher" in every other respect. This was naturally my inclination, so it was not difficult - I received no pleasure from bullying girls overtly, but rather from subtle psychological displays of dominance. It also probably helped that there was one particular biology teacher who was notorious for paddling on a whim. Like a Highlander there could only be one "paddling teacher", and he was a lot nastier than I was, so he received the student's whispered title of "Mr. Watch-Your-Butt" instead of me. (I am not making that up, by the way - that was literally what they called him.)
This combination of strict discipline and kindness probably worked against me to a degree, in that I very quickly developed one of the best-behaved classrooms in the school! In a few of my less rational moments I regretted this, wishing for more disciplinary opportunities, but for the most part I was just happy that they respected me. (Re-reading this, I realize that I'm probably coming off as an obsessed pervert. Admittedly, it was a little obsessive and perverted, but I want to emphasize that I really did care a great deal about teaching. I loved the kids, and my first priority was to make sure they had a good education. The sexual elements were there, and I am slightly ashamed of them, but 99.9% of the time I was just another earnest teacher lecturing on his subject. I watched for opportunities to fulfill my darker side, but for the most part I didn't actively try to create them.)
Nevertheless, I did paddle pretty regularly the whole time I was there. The kids weren't throwing spitballs or the like, but there were plenty of tardies, disrespect, profanity, and escalated disagreements to keep a fairly steady stream of students after class. I also managed to take over a few incidents for another teacher who didn't like handling them herself and didn't want to send them to the principal.
I kept more or less the same position until the mid-80's, when I had the opportunity to move to Sweden to work at an English-language private school. (Sweden had just passed its full corporal punishment ban several years prior, although spanking in schools had been illegal since the 50's, I believe.) That marked the end of paddling for me (at least in a school context.)
I returned to the United States after six years to teach at another Midwestern school, this time one without corporal punishment. I have worked in schools on and off ever since, now in more administrative roles than teaching. I still retain an interest in spanking, but more as an act of foreplay with my wife than anything else. Paddling real, breathing, troublemaking kids no longer carries much excitement for me - for which I am somewhat grateful - but as a subject of fantasy, I must admit that it is still quite a part of my mental repertoire.
I have many individual stories and anecdotes from my teaching years that I'd be willing to share if anyone is interested; this is merely an overview. I'm liable to forget incidents or neglect details, however, so feel free to ask about anything of particular interest. I understand that many will doubt the truth of all this. I am severely constrained by the necessity of maintaining my anonymity, but I'm certainly willing to answer any questions that may help establish my credibility. Nevertheless, I won't be offended if I'm met with skepticism; I merely wish to get my account out in the open, in the hopes it may be useful to someone.