Things are bad for some people here at the moment, so I’m going to send in some songs to cheer them up. There will be no filth: I will do all the censoring myself.

Say to yourself, “I will be happy, I will be happy today!”
Say to yourself, “I am so happy, I am so happy, hooray!”
Say to yourself, “I’m happier and happier
Than ever I’ve been so far”
Then you will all be oh so happy
To find how happy you are.

I’ve left out certain words of this song because I don’t want to cause offence.

There’ll be bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow, just you wait and see.
There’ll be love and laughter and peas ever after
Tomorrow, when the world is free.
The shepherd will ___ his sheep,
The valley will bloom again,
And Jimmy will go to _____ in his own little room again.
There’ll be bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover
Tomorrow, just you wait and see.

Christmas is only just over a month away and for some of us poor sods it is the worst time of the year. I don’t know about you, but I bloody hate it! Anyway, here’s one I shall be singing to the Christmas tree.

It was then the sixty-nine all sat down to dine,
The day the vicar came for Christmas lunch.
“Who wants stuffing?
Don’t all ask at once”
“I do!” shouted Gladys
“I’ve not had a bit for months!”