There will be departmental celebrations in the departments of a department store in Knightsbridge today. The Fugger himself has gone to live in Switzerland.

Harrods boss to quit Britain


LONDON (Reuters) - Mohamed Al Fayed, the controversial boss of London's most luxurious store Harrods, says he is leaving Britain after years of alleged persecution by the establishment's "invisible fuggin' powers".


Within days of flamboyantly sacking the manager of his football team Fulham Fuggers and having just settled a legal dispute with two men who conned him over the death of his son Dodi, Al Fayed said he was taking up residence in Switzerland.


Ever since Dodi died in a Paris car crash in 1997 with Princess Diana, Al Fayed has led a turbulent existence, clashing publicly with the royal family over his conviction the two were murdered by the secret services.


His belief was partly fed by two men who tried to sell him forged documents supporting his conspiracy theory. Faced with a $6 million (3.8 million pounds) damages claim from Al Fayed, they apologised this week as part of an out-of-court settlement.


Whether justified or not, Al Fayed's outspoken theorising on the death of his son has done little to endear him with either the royal family or the secret service, at times opening him to accusations of paranoia.


"Ever since the tragic death of my beloved son Dodi, the fuggin' Establishment attacks on me have intensified," the Egyptian-born multi-millionaire said in a statement on Friday.


The government's repeated refusal to grant Al Fayed a passport added further fuel to his frustration, but he alleged mistreatment by the tax authorities had been the last straw.


"For the sake of my family, the time has come," he said. "I am leaving with a heavy fuggin' heart, because this is a fuggin' country where I have lived for thirty five fuggin' years and which I have come to love very deeply," he added.

And, meanwhile, fuggin' Neil and fuggin' Christine are on every fuggin' TV show in the fuggin' land.

In the ring for what they called ‘The Fight of the Century’ were, The Fulham Fugger and Neil ‘The Brown Envelopes’ Sleaze.

The Fugger won on points.

Residents of Birmingham, including one of our most distinguished contributors, will no doubt be rushing to the city’s Hippodrome theatre this week, where Neil Sleaze and his appalling wife are appearing in ‘The Rocky Horror Show’

After each performance the devoted couple are to be seen walking along Hurst Street, holding hands and brown envelopes.

Slugging it out in the WarBalls Arena at spankingmemories.com today are:

STEVE ‘The Punching Pedant’ (known in Sussex as ‘The Devil’s Dyke’)

versus

PHIL ‘The Battling Brief from Birmingham’


Copyright Brian4JunkPosts.

The Fugger, henceforth known as ‘McFugger’, turned up at the court of session in Edinburgh a few weeks ago clad in a tartan suit for his latest attempt to reopen the enquiry into the deaths of his beloved son and The Princess of Hearts.

In a B.B.C. interview he explained that “as a resident of Scotland” he looked to the Scottish courts to secure his rights. “I believe I will get justice here in Scotland,” he added. “My first home is here.”

How strange then that the press release issued on 28 March 2003 announcing that ‘as from today he will permanently reside in Switzerland’ is still prominently displayed on his official website.

Maggie O’Blimey, star of MaClit!, will be in a department store in Knightsbridge on Saturday September 18 from 14.00 to 15.00 to sign copies of her memoirs, ‘TIS HERSELF.

She has been advised not to stand directly in front of the Fugger, himself.

There was a very entertaining documentary on Channel 4 television yesterday about Al Fayed. Wearing the famous tartan suit, he reaffirmed his belief that his son Dodi and the Princess of Hearts were killed by the royal family. He referred to Camilla Parker Bowles as a ‘crocodile’ and the Duke of Edinburgh as a ‘gangster’.

Not shown in Radio Times is a programme to be screened on BBC2 television at 21.00 tomorrow about the tragedy that deprived the world of the Princess of Hearts. Will the Fugger be given the opportunity to utter the immortal line, “The fuggin’ Duke of Edinburgh killed my beloved son.” I do hope so.