I am a bit worried about Sue. She got the bus down to Dover early this morning and when she got there she sent me this text message –

I still luv you Candy
But on the bus I got randy
And just outside Dover
A bloke got his leg over

She says she will send me another message when she gets to Calais. Do you think she is being unfaithful to me?

I knew I should not have let Sue go off on her own. Five minutes ago I got this text message –

You know I love you dearest Candy
But today I drank a pint of brandy
And while sailing on the Calais ferry
I had it off with a bloke named Terry

I really am quite upset. I got a postcard from Sue today and this is what she wrote –


Yes I still live you darling Candy
Though you’ve got legs like Mahatma Gandhi
But today I went down in Gay Paree
On a bloke for the price of a cup of tea.

Sue should be returning to Tyneside in the next few days. Not that it matters – today I got another postcard from her -

I’ll have to say goodbye sweet Candy
For I have met a girl named Mandy
And in the middle of the Rue de la Paix
I finally let her have her way.

My deepest sympathy.

I'm so sorry, poor old Candy.
Things with Sue could've been so dandy,
If not for sur le continong
She hadn't taken so much prong.