There's a spiteful little part of me that wants Michelle to be boo'd to death as she steps out of the Big Brother House.

There's an even more spiteful part that both hopes and expects that people will throw things at her as she walks back to the studio with Davina.

Why? Because she's a clinging, whingeing headcase of a bunny boiler who's driven me raving mad with her ultra-sloppy Stu-obsessed antics over the past few weeks . . . and for that she must die.

However, there's another (thankfully larger) part that recognises a sad and badly-damaged psyche when it sees one - and Michelle is just about as sad and as badly damaged as a psyche can be.

She's a girl desperate for love and affection and her forthcoming rejection by Stu (yes, he'll dump her as sure as God made little apples) will be almost enough to drive her to suicide.

I say 'almost' because, after a suitable period of weeping and wailing, her new-found celebrity status will ensure she's comforted by any number of gold-digging Don Juans one of whom will quickly replace Stu in her desperately lonely little heart.

After recovering from her rejection, she'll have her 15 minutes of topless fame in The Sun as long as they can get to her before she balloons to size 18.

After that, it'll back to obscurity for the poor girl.

Sad.

Genuinely sad.

Who is Michelle? What is the Big Brother House? And why is this message here?

Michelle is a contestant in Channel 4's 'Big Brother' show.

'Big Brother' is a worldwide reality TV phenomenon in which a group of about a dozen strangers are put into a house where they live for about 10 weeks under the constant and unremitting scrutiny of the TV cameras.

Every week, the viewing public choose one housemate to be evicted.

The last man (or woman) standing pockets a large cash prize.

The posting is on this site for the simple (and, I contend, sufficient) reason that it is interesting.

P.S. I've taken the charitable view that Alaric's questions are genuine requests for information rather than an attempt to set himself above the worldwide army of BB-lovers in general and me in particular. Upon sight of one jot of evidence that I've been too charitable in that respect, I'll immediately point out a glaring error in his posting re grammatical correctness!

I agree with you about Michelle, Lotta, and I was particularly sorry to see the back of Becky a couple of weeks ago--as genuine and "natural" a spankophile as I've ever seen on mainstream TV, whoc combined all the classic psychological characteristics of the spanko (feisty rebellion against a traditional background, etc.) with a willingness to act out a number of her fantasies. Seeing her bend over for three strokes of the cane from Ahmed and rubbing her bottom afterwards was more enticing for its "vraisemblance," as Lotta would say, than any number of contrived spanking videos. Not surprising, though, that she was quickly ejected by the moralizing British public, who found her "really dirty" (i.e., edgy, provocative, disturbing) and who of course much preferred the sloppy sentimentality of Michelle.

VIEWERS HAD ENOUGH OF JABBA THE SLUT (Jul 31 2004)

by Kevin O'Sullivan

EVERY now and again a truly golden moment comes along and my fading faith in human nature is restored.

With an extraordinary landslide vote the great British public proved they know a vile bunny boiler when they see one.

Jabba the Slut Michelle wasn't just evicted - she was booted out by furious viewers who couldn't stand another second of her disgusting suffocation of hapless loser "boyfriend" stupid Stu.

The fat Geordie scrubber adopted a bulldog chewing a wasp expression as the crowd booed every time they heard a mention of her name.

Only one as astonishingly self deluded as mad Michelle would fail to understand why viewers came to hate her. Most of us feel that jealously is an unpleasant attribute we try to control.

But for the tawdry tart vicious envy is a way of life.

"Our relationship will carry on and we'll have happy times," she told unhappy Stu, left, as she tightened her grip before packing her bags for a life of obscurity. No doubt some sucker publication will grant talent-free Ms Bass her pathetic wish to become a topless model.

But why bother. The awful old slapper's been getting what she stylishly calls her "baps" out almost hourly.

So farewell you chicken obsessed bore. And before you cluck off remember - Stu fancies Shell, not you. Ha ha!

..............Michelle ................................. Jabba