This woman was caned at school, but was it on the hand or on the bum? If the latter, I am in for a good night.

I don’t know about the caning but I do know something about her knickers. The following appeared in my favourite newspaper on October 26.



If you thought Carol Vorderman owed her svelte figure entirely to diets and detox, think again.
The TV presenter, recently seen in some glamorously clinging creations on Strictly Come Dancing, has let a little secret slip.
When it comes to keeping her streamlined shape, she swears by what she describes as 'gripper knickers'.
According to Miss Vorderman, 'grippers' are one of showbusiness's best-kept secrets.
"There are loads of tricks models and celebs use," she told the latest edition of Closer magazine.
"Grippers are big pants that hold everything in and come up to your boobs. Most department stores stock them.
"I know loads of celebs who use them, even slim 20-somethings, but I can't name names."
Miss Vorderman, 43, made her name on the TV quiz show Countdown with her head for figures.
But she made her figure with a detox diet, dropping more than two stones and three dress sizes, five years ago.
Since then, she has launched a bestselling range of diet books and shed her inhibitions to pose for a series of risque pictures in men's magazine GQ.

I saw Carol Vorderman on tv last night but she did not show her knickers. Appearing in the same programme (Strictly Come Dancing) was the gruesome Esther Ratbag. This horrible old woman looked like a losing contestant in a glamorous grandmother competition. She is trying desperately to reinvent herself as a sex-crazed widow and is destined to become a national embarrassment, along with Brucie, the host of the show, whose comic timing is matched only by Richard Whiteley.

On "I've Got News For You" when she appeared in the last series they presented an article which said that she was given six of the best with a cane on her backside.

No more details I'm afraid, but she did go to school in Rhyl.

Allegedly.

Not even 'allegedly'. Carol Vorderman was caned on her hand for playing a game of 'slap-hand' at primary school.

A caption was flashed on the screen during an episode of 'I've Got News For You' that stated that she received six of the best on her backside, but this was simply a joke, as it was stated that Richard Whiteley was administering the caning. It is, afterall, a comedy programme.

On the subject of her knickers, she revealed in the same newspaper article in which she admitted to being caned, that she wet them during a painting lesson and spilt some water on the floor so as no-one would know what she had done.

Well, that’s it then. Another reason for living gone. I don’t want to know anything about hand caning.

Don`t give up entirely, on Have I Got News For You they do feature factual newspaper articles, THEN make jokes about them.
So the Carol Vorderman Six of the Best on my backside article may well have been true, but obviously the Richard Whitely comment was a joke.

Paul

You are living in a land of fantasy.

If it had been true she would have referred to that incicent rather than the hand caning in the newspaper article.

To be completely pedantic and post a response to my own message, Carol Vorderman responded to the question posed by the Bradford Telegraph and Argus: “Were you ever punished at school?” with the reply: “ Only (my italics) when I was a small child. I got the cane for playing slaphand, which when I look back now I think was a bit harsh.”

Exactly.
Even in that article she never said whether was caned on the hand or bottom, and how many whacks she got.

Paul

However in a book I read about celebreties and their schooldays she is quoted as saying she got it on the hand.
I really cannot remember the name of the book but I saw it in Foyles London about 6 years ago.
Sorry to spoil the fun but the sight of Carol holding out her hand is just as interesting as her bending over.

Sure, but that`s not to say the "Six of the Best with a cane on my backside" reference isn`t another school (or home) one she`d previously not mentioned.

Paulhttp://www.network54.com/Realm/tmp/1099916705.JPG

Oh dear, Paul. You are coming across as an absolute obsessive who really wants to believe that Carol Vorderman was caned across her bottom, when she was not. Get a life! It was a joke on a comedy TV programme. No doubt there is a perv amongst the production team who was aware of the stir it caused amongst us fellow pervs when she first admitted to the hand caning. Hand caning erotic? Certainly!

On ‘Countdown’ today she was wearing a tightly fitting blue dress and I noticed that she has an ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE BUM. It’s the sort of bum that I want to rub my cock all over.

Before ‘Countdown’ was shown yesterday she said a few words about Richard Whiteley. I recorded it on the new DVD. She was in tears and my whole family were crying along with her.

C***tdown returned this week with Des Lynam in the chair. Carol’s arse has spread since the programme has been off, or is it just an optical illusion caused by my new widescreen tele from Harrods? Lovely Susie Dent came up with word “todgers” for seven.

The word on the street is that the truth about what they are calling ‘the caning of the twentieth century’ will be revealed on ‘C**town’ early in the new year.

On ‘Countdown’ today during a conversation with Des about being caned at school, she said, “It was on the hand, not on the b.t.m.”

From the way he spoke about it you definitely got the impression that Des's caning, for hanging from a lamppost doing pull-ups, was taken bending over, which was how headmasters usually did things in my experience. Carol was more willing to talk about hers, at the age of six, than he was.

Who the hell is Carol Vorderman?

ALARIC

This is an example of a curiously British phoenomenen.

Bit-part role in the media, debut starts as a result of mentorship by a better-known celebrity.

Bit-part player goes on to dominate everything and is consequently to be seen on all 5 terrestrial channels in a given week.

Bit-part player does not realise that over-exposure isn't just referring to accidents like Janet Jackson's brassiere collapse at the Superbowl! Bit-part player has no idea that irate thousands have long since hurled boots at the silver or small screen whenever he or she appears as they are SICK of the sight of THEM.

You don't have to be female, brainy or someone who was beaten at school to become one of these, Alaric, so Ms Vorderperson is not the only one I & thousands of others loathe for their ability to crop up in a living room near you at any moment of any day of the year.

My only surprise is that no-one's ever written a good horror/sci-fi movie on this theme!

How did BigBumWatch know that the truth would be revealed early this year?

Perhaps the order of letters (C A N E S) was fixed so that Carol Vorderman could talk about her punishment?

Ah ha " I put this to you " as the actress said to the lawyer ( or was it the other way round?)
Wearas she confirmed that she was cand on the hand at school, she did not deny being caned on the bottom, she merely deigned not to comment on any such thing. This does not mean that it did not happen.
Until she states that she was not caned on the bottom there is still a chance for us CVCP fanatics that she was.
We exist in hope eternal......

The woman is milking the corporal punishment theme for all it’s worth. Today on ‘Countdown’ she introduced the guest thus,

“…a man who used to be a teacher of maths and music in a previous life, so watch out Susie, expect six of the best from Tom O’Connor!”

Dear Carol,

Your veiled references have not gone unnoticed.

Keep visiting!

Corporal punishment continues to feature on the BigBum Show.

Today, both contestants produced “beating” and this prompted posh buffoon Henry Blofeld to comment, “It was bend over time - beating.” The enchanting Susie laughed, BigBum laughed and gave Des a knowing look.

Susie came up with ‘lardass’ and BigBum, touching hers, said “I’m not putting that up, with this!”

Thank you, BigBum, your efforts are much appreciated.

On one of my rare veiwings of Brit TV today I saw countdown.
The word hat came up with lots of giggles was " Fetish".
Does not beat Des's reference to his spandex cycling shorts and vaseline which made it hard. CV guffawed her way through a rather risque conversation. Apparently vaseline hardens the nether regions which are in contact with the saddle.