All depends on your viewpoint, but the Government's new rules mean the death of fatty stuff at schools, and probably crisp detectors will be installed next to the knife detectors at school gates soon.

So the little angels will now grow up without any cholesterol-and any resistance to diseases that attack the weak, including salmonella, which is rampant in uncooked food like salad & all the other healthy Jamie Oliver-style gunk your child will be forced to eat. I can't stand phoney Cockney tossers like him-nor his sly lads' fry-ups when Tony and the cameras are elsewhere.

I do hope that the kids have enough initiative to forge a letter from Mum,saying they are going home to dinner & then blitz the local chippy en masse. Leave healthy food to home!

What do you reckon-is CP by school meals about to end or begin? Could a frustrated generation of thrashers and beaters be about to inflict sadistic rituals on kids again? Imagine all those non-PC snacks confiscated from the fatties & humiliating them by forcing them to eat pitta bread and olives in front of the class-plus, the teachers could make a fortune flogging the Mars Bars,Curlie Wurlies etc to the older kids!

It would be nice to have a picture to accompany this fascinating thread. I believe you have one in the archives showing Phil and Maureen from Basildon signing out of a slimming club. Maureen is asking “What sort of potatoes would you like for dinner this evening?” and Phil replies “Big ones!”

TINA

This is MY thread, so you are only likely to get cows or ferrets, or my cats from my archives.

Anyone else is WELCOME to embellish it with suitable viewing material,Big John, RA, Lotta and you other visual geniuses!


Steve M

Unfortunately, Tina, I am not able to locate the picture you have in mind. Here instead is a very rare photograph from the now defunct ‘Slimming in Basildon’ magazine.

The accompanying article reads:

‘BASILDON MAN IS SLIMMER OF THE WEEK IN BASILDON.
A Basildon man from Basildon, a mere elephant of his former self after just ninety days following the Basildon low protein five-toffee-crisps-a-day diet, is pictured here with his wife Elizabeth at the award ceremony held in Basildon.’

Ha ha.

Funny that I was only thinking yesterday back to school dinners and how it was compulsory that we had to eat up all the sludge on our plates no matter how obnoxious it was. I can't remember any boy ever refusing even though sometimes we gagged trying to swallow the slimy, smelly excuse for food that was served.

I was wondering what would have happened if I had refused to eat those brussel sprouts or fatty pork? We ate at long tables, about 12 boys to a table with a member of staff at the head of the table. In my first year I sat at a table where the staff member supervising us was actually the headmaster's secretary, not a master like most tables had. What would she have done if I had refused to eat up those soggy greens or gristly beef? Reported me to her boss I suppose and then I would find myself bending over in the headmaster's study for another whacking with his cane.

Ugh. School dinners. Disgusting.

DAVE

I wonder what will happen to the little darlings who dare to say THEY are not eating all that "lovely" quorn mince or fair trade cucumber quiche?

I'll have to guess they'll probably be corrected via politically correct essay-writing in detention. Listing the alleged nutritional advantages of tofu over sausages or parsnips over chips'll teach 'em.

School dinners as we knew them were partly responsible for Mick Jagger,Jimmy Greaves,Billy Fury,Alan Sillitoe,Alex Higgins,Peter Cooke,Ian Botham,Billy Gillespie,John Snow,Paul Gascoigne,Alan Sugar,Denis Law,Peter Kaye and many other cultural icons, including our dear Lotta & Mimi. I do hope"they" know what they are doing! This forum could be extinct in 20 years time otherwise, which is a pity.

Anyway, here is photographic proof of what can happen if you try to keep today's youngsters away from sausages! Celeste does rather look like someone off the 10 most wanted list, as Mike from Vic commented accurately & that's why!







Steve

I do enjoy your comments normally Stevie M but Jamie Oliver has done a great deal for the health of this country. No matter how much his "pukka" and other mockney phrases may grate i think his heart is in the right place. He should be let loose on hospital meals next or perhaps we dont want the old and the sick to live longer.

Nothing wrong with salads which is phrase that occurs to me whenever i get behind a terminally obese woman and her oversize brats in the check out queue at the supermarket. Mc Cains oven chips, jumbo burgers, Mars bars, large packets of crisps, giant sized bottles of cola. You would think they were feeding a village not just a family. God help us. The government should clamp down. These fatties are costing us a fortune. Everyones going on about cigarettes what about pork pies. Shouldnt there be government health warnings on pork pies!! Besides who wants to see fat people. Wobbling along, clogging up the pavements, overflowing on the bus seats so theres no room for other passengers. They should all be put on starvation diets. The government should interfere as they interfere in every other aspect of our lives. We have car clamps to stop illegal parking how about food clamps to stop the clinically obese overeating. Keep the nation thin. Lose a pound for Britain!! Get up off your fat arses and change the channel on the tv instead of using the remote control. Spank them until they stop eating. Sorry getting carried away now. I shall stop now but honestly Jamie knows best and his salads are worth eating.

THT

A lot of good points & I like salad myself-as long as there's enough things like Scotch Egg/chipolatas/tuna to take the bloody lettuce "flavour" away. No, they aren't all bad,but weren't helped at the first time I ever had "proper" salad at MGS in 1963, first week at Secondary School & school dinners-the cooks burnt it,honest!!!

The two weaknesses with doing away with obeisity are that Guardian/Independent/Times readers will have to concern themselves with other matters. Zeitgeist etc will have to be earnestly quoted about something else & it isn't easy finding something from which you can condescendingly look down on the rest of the country!

Also, half of Channel 4's output some evenings would lose any meaning. It isn't just You are What you Eat-it's the spin-offs from the Chavs' eating lifestyle-10 years younger/Kim & Aggie etc.

THINK! Do you really want all those people who are incapable of doing anything else in life but present these shows let loose? All the while they are in their little place, you can flick channels and get rid of them.Please keep them confined!

Carol Vorderperson, by the way, and her bum, are arguments either way-see what happens when you let them spread their wings and get on their high horse about Cholesterol-on every channel in the known universe! Equally, 6 of the best and school dinners didn't do HER any good! Maybe if they'd laid on the six with a rhubarb stick or particularly stale & once-crusty French Baton loaf or baugette, who knows?

Hey-hang on-that's it;let's have the miscreant crisp-smuggling fat kids publicly flogged with extra-long beanshoots! I'm sure you could parboil them for extra firmness first, just to show the assembled multitudes a valuable nutritional lesson about overcooking your veg as well!



Steve

I should confess i am a Times reader and before that i was something even more detestable a Guardian reader. Eventually despite my left wing leanings i found reading Ms Burchill and all the other whinging humourless politically correct feminists more than i could stomach with my muesli in the morning. Besides the football coverage is much better in the Times.

As for salads what you need to get away from is lettuce. Agree it is vile stuff and of course the mainstay of all dreadful salads. If you need something green and crunchy i should recommend water cress. Try tomatoes, feta cheese, red onion, sun dried tomatoes with a little juice from a lemon and a generous splash of virgin olive oil. Now that is what i call a salad. All you need is a decent bit of crunchy bread to go with it and a large bottle of red wine.

Your idea of whipping fatties with bean shoots is an excellent idea. Cant help it having been brought up on bread and dripping with black pudding fry ups every Sunday i have now seen the light. I am a born again evangelical vegetarian (still eat fish) and i must admit i enjoy my food more than ever. Flog them with leeks, Lash them with runner beans soaked in lime juice and balsamic vinegar!!!

School dinners and me mams spam fritters made me into a fat schoolboy who was no good at games and whose only virtue was a behind that was impossible to miss with the slipper.
However slaving in a factory and earning enough money to allow me to do active sports turned me into the sleek healthy individual that I am today.
My well honed body and a sound mind is the result of such delicasies as fish & chips, pizza and kebabs full of salad all washed down with lots of cheap plonk and stella.
The education experts may be able to dable with the school dinners, and by dabbling they will probably mess up diet in the same way they messed up discipline. What they cannot do is get nerdy kids of the computer and out of the comfy chair ( not the comfy chair Biggles) Monty python quote by Cardinal fang.

How I do love them. A good spam vindaloo is not to be scoffed at either. No, no, try before you mock.

Grilled chicken breast my arse. Well if I ate that my arse wouldn't wobble quite so nicely with each smack now wuld it.

Steve, just as a point of interest to add to the thread, Australian schools have been cracking down on what they term as Junk Food in primary and secondary schools over the last few years.

In some schools, soft drinks, potato chips etc, and cakes have been replaced by natural fruit juices and fresh friut platters for the children's consumption as a more healthy approach.

There has been great concern in regard to child obesity and Juvinile Diabetes and the finger has been pionted squarely at Junk Food Manufacturers. I understand some of the reasoning behind this but as a Diabetic myself, I do have concerns about "just fruit" and fruit juice being the only option. Nothing like a nice pineapple and mango kebab to send the blood sugars skyrocketing.

I heard on the news yesterday the government said it would not be placing a ban on junk food advertising on television after attempts to do so had been lodged.

There had been attempts made trying to ban telivision advertising during children's programs for the past few years but it seems to have fallen on deaf Gov't ears.

There have been issues regarding the lack of sport and PE classes in primary schools all over the country and the long term affects this will have on our youngsters.

One comment was in regard to the lack of activity in children has been the introduction of the home computer and computer games. There was a campaign of commercials aimed at kids to go out and participate in different activities and to introduce them to fresh air and exercise-something which is sadly lacking at present in our communities. Unfortunately, the commercials are no longer being played.

As a matter of simple fact, Jamie Oliver is not a fake cockney. He speaks Estuary English. His father ran an Essex pub. That is how they speak there.

Yeah - I've often thought that corporal punishment would be an excellent method to motivate fat kids to slim down. After all they have bigger bottoms than normal kids so it's only fair that they should get more strokes of the cane or slipper. You want the kid to have his or her bottom nice and sore all over after a good spanking so you have to give the fat kid more strokes to cover all that surface area.

I don't recall that my policy was implemented much when I was at school. Except the fat boy in our class was terrible at P.E. so he did get more than his fair share of attention from the P.E. teacher's plimsoll. I recall that one of the exercises we had to do was to stand in line and bend over and touch our toes. Then the master would walk behind the line and every boy who couldn't or wouldn't reach his toes would get a couple of hard whacks with the plimsoll. The fat boy in class got whacked every time we did this routine. You think he would have learned!

There were 4 girls in my year seven class. Once the fattest of us got the paddle from a Miss Mandy Jones, a relatively youngish maths teacher. The next day Ms Jones threatening the rest of us miscreants, told us how sore her arm was from paddling J____ even though she'd only given her so many strokes instead of the larger deserved number on account of J having a fatter arse.

Who's got the evidence then? Does it hurt more or less if there's more fat around about?

Does it hurt more or less if there's more fat around? Well, I can only talk from my own experience. When getting the slipper at school from prefects, sometimes I got whacked fair and square on the fattest part of my bottom and that stung quite well enough to remind me not to misbehave in the same way again. But occasionally a prefect would aim the plimsoll higher and more to one side where the skin was stretched tight over my hip bone with very little fat for protection. That was extremely painful.

So my theory based on several "experiments" of this nature is that when a fat bottom is whacked the fat absorbs part of the impact of the slipper or cane by deforming like a jelly. But when a bony bottom is smacked with the same force and same implement all of the kinetic energy of the spanking tool is absorbed into the skin creating a higher level of pain.

Which just goes to prove that fat kids should get more strokes to make it fair.

SARO & DAVE

I have to say as a bum & not breast man that ladies have a little more tendency to fat around there than men.

Having neither witnessed nor performed a spanking in the bare on males,I can't comment scientifically on Dave's theory, but it sounds like a good case to me. Girls possibly generically have more padding there, but are also more sensitive, too-yes, I've had experiences of seeing and performing here.

I think there is serious merit in more strokes for fatties, especially if we run with THT's fine ideas for fast-food miscreants being chastised with healthy vegetables. It would also give us practical proof on this fat matter.

If 6 of the long and boiled runner bean left the fatty visibly more distressed, then teacher can say that fat makes you more tender. If it DOES lessen the pain, then teacher can double the dose and say that all fat brings you is swifter and more savage retribution-wow!


Steve

I wonder if THT's theory might hold for people with lots of muscle. Muscular bums are also well padded in a different way, Take Serana Williams for example. Now there's quite a large arse -- not fat though. i wonder in a competition between she, this girl -- http://adelehaze.com/2006/06/ -- who has both fat and muscle, and one of those undernourished girls from Lupus films, who would feel the whacks more.

I believe Ms. Mandy Jones of Bethel was reasoning upon some flawed logic that the fat girls's nerve endings were more spread out or that she mighthave had more of them. Doesn't make any sense. I imagine she has children at least in their teens by now. I wonder if she paddled and rulered them -- conscientiously lessening strokes for those with crisp affinities.

PS; i was once threatened with a beating for taking an orange from the dormitory kitchen for my school lunch (normally baloney (I forget what Australians call this non-meat) on white bread and an apple. I stole my crisps from the girl in the room mext to mine -- I think she knew, but didn't care. Couldn't eat them in school though.

Those Czech films are something else arent they. Perhaps the most beautiful girls ever to grace spanking films. Fantastic acting and period feel especially those set in school. All those awful grey uniforms. The main female lead who plays the sadistic schoolmistress in some of the better films is just an unbelievable honey. She is a great loss to the teaching profession and missed her true vocation. I can if i close my eyes see her in charge of class 4B back in the good old days. The canings are a little on the sadistic side though, some of the darker more disturbing films have the girls in unusual positions and their is of course too much nudity. Thankfully the government will soon make them illegal anyway.