It's no good.

It just isn't the same on here without her.

I can't stand the thought of raising the slipper, sorry glass of sherry on Xmas Day and having to toast Lotta amongst absent friends!

Come on, you all know how boring it's getting!

Anyway, Lotta, here's a recent snap Sarah took of me-see, it IS getting bad!








Steve M

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado
Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear
But as the sun goes down, I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to God that you were here

Lotta Nonsense never contributes anything here she simply ridicules anyyone who attempts to make an interesting contribution. This has resulted in a complete lack of relevant stories to this forum so I, for one, do not regret her absence.
As I was at Grammar school during the 1940s I know that many of the tales she has downed are - or could be - true. I myself can recollect many instances of school corporal punishment which I have witnessed as well as suffered personally but I, like many others, do not relish being branded a liar by someone who, obviously, has never had any real experience of school CP.

Danny – don’t you relish the challenge of debate though? Surely we have a collective moral responsibility to educate Lotta in the historical facts about school cp and should welcome the opportunity to do so.
It is possible for anyone (even Lotta) to change their view on a subject if they are presented with a persuasive argument that is backed-up by facts.
Having been branded a liar by Lotta and eventually proving that you are right will make the apology that you receive so much sweeter.
It will be hard work and require dedication, commitment and patience……

…………..but it will be worth it.

P.S. In other words I would like to see her back.

J

AN APOLOGY FROM LOTTA!!!!! Never!

It seems rumours of my demise have been exaggerated.

I am in fact still alive and kicking.

LOTTA

Great-you've no idea how long it took to find a suitably-forgotten film and poster to take that photo from!

And it turned out to be one made before even I was born! Though, in 1950, Danny was probably still at Grammar, so he might just have seen it.

I'm very fussy about who I let call me an idiot. You are on a singularly small and select list,Lotta, and I look forward with glee to your future smileys and the rest of your unique inimitability.


Steve M

Lotta claimed:
"I am in fact still alive and kicking"

PROVE IT !

Umm, now I may be talking a lotta nonsense, but looky this is me, jet lagged, still intoxicated from last night, Didn’t the resurrection take place at Easter not Christmas!!

So where is/was Lotta hiding !!!!

Rumour has it someone pinned our missing lotta down, enjoying a spanking good time in pantoland,

Tickets still available!

Looks like Bevan, an old Welsh friend of Clement Attlee to me, Steve. He's probably having a fit thinking about 'New Labour'.

As for Lotta returning, wake up Gentlemen, don't believe anything you read here.

DANNY


Christ-the resembleance to Nye IS uncanny!! I can just about remember the eloquence in the 1955 debates re Gaitskill or him as leader in succession to Clem Attlee. I just didn't spot the dead ringer effect.

It's actually our old mate from down the road here ie Cornwall, Robert Newton-off a poster for the epic Waterfront Women-the poster claiming "Filmed in the actual Bay Area of Liverpool".

Which is now yuppified beyond belief, my spys tell me. Even the car-stealing 7 year-olds have lace-trimmed hoods, and are capable of spelling at least christian name correctly on their forged Income Support claims.

And they call this progress! Almost enough to make you join Mr Newton in the snug for the demon rum!


Steve M

I can see it's old Long John now, Steve. probably uttering those immotal words of his "Give 'im a drop o' rum to warm 'is belly as 'e passes over"

DANNY

Yes, he was my inspiration as Captain Hook in the 1957 Halstow Infants production of Peter Pan!

Probably the only production of JM Barrie's immortal play in which most of the audience, including teachers & PP's parents, cheered for the Captain.

I must admit, if ever there was a case for someone getting a flaming good public spanking, yours truly should have receiving one from the croc's tail that night!

I didn't even need rum to overact,so no excuses for PP being reduced to tears and the crocodile being reinforced by Headmistress & Nit Nurse to shorten my death scene from the projected 35 mins to 35 secs!

Happy days!


Steve

The 'Nit Nurse' was an intregal part of junior school life in those days and the little demons still flourish unabated to this day! They could ban the cane but they couldn't ban those little devils.
It's strange how almost every kid gets them but it's all hushed up and looked on as 'dirty'. In fact, clean hair is classed as very desirable property in the nit world!

DANNY

I can remember a couple of tearful little girls at Oliver Goldsmiths with shorn locks because of nits.

Both, of course, were regularly shampooed by fussy Mummies in the first place. They had no idea that nits love cleanliness as much as anyone.

I don't think they were tearful because of CP, simply the pudding-bowl "trim" they got. Mind you, they would probably call that abuse now, anyhow. Considering I sported a crewcut from 4-10, and was bald by 35, I maybe ought to start sueing my mother for abuse!!

Looking back, I'm surprised the enforced haircut wasn't done in front of the class to REALLY teach them a lesson. It was that sort of era,for sure!


Steve

DANNY

I also have to say Lotta would have made a wonderful nit nurse:-

"I don't care about your alleged scientific nuisance value, my lad! Can you actually prove it;can you actually even prove you exist?"

Once the nit stops to consider, Lotta bashes him with suitable implement,of course-possibly Hymns Ancient & Modern, which I thought was once invented for the sole purpose of inserting in trousers prior to caning.

Maybe not!


Steve M

And what if nits (or lice, in other words) had been eradicated in the 60's and 70's as caning was, we would have heard the old chant - "Nits happened to someone sometime but not to anyone who contributes to this forum. Wake up Gentlemen"
I think I was more scared of that dreaded nit comb which felt like a metal scrubbing brush going through my beautiful, long-gone, locks than the ever present slipper!

I have no doubt that in communities that derives pleasure from the idea of 'nit infestation', the overwhelming majority of reported experiences are fake.

What did I tell ya!

DANNY

I know we are in danger of being branded Statler & Wardorf, but Lotta is just too young to've been through this "experience".

I suspect she's also too young to've been through the Jimi Hendrix Experience- who I in turn suspect never knew a nit, or indeed louse, in anger!

LOTTA

I won't say you've never lived until you've met a nit nurse-I'm not THAT sad! But, believe me, it comes somewhere in MY top ten shivering-in-my-boots experiences and I've had a few I wouldn't wish on anyone else!

Combs with the consistency of quarried granite and the size of Argentina were only part of it! Attitude, it was & not the child's! If you'd had the "experience", you might have a better idea of where Erich Honneker initially recruited for the STASE;There were less of them in my day than Danny's, and that conincides with the "growth" of East Germany, the rise of the Trabant, and the erection of the Berlin Wall. Scoff ye not, Missy-they definitely moved on to spread fear,terror and disinfectant on a far broader canvass than is generally realised!!

I wonder if David Cameron would try and hug them-not a great idea, given their size, at least as far as the nits or lice were concerned! As for hugging nit nurses, most were forbiddingly foursquare and gigantic-would put hugging them in the diffiult-to-achieve box!

What I can't find is a nit nurse photo-does J's cousin have anything with which to assist us?

AND-did anyone encounter a nit nurse with CP or CP-ordering powers-probably not, but who knows in view of my startling political revelations above?

Steve M

Steve
Lotta believes you and I suffered the dreaded nit nurse in our day, her point, which I have some sympathy with, is that those who claim outrageous experiences of anything at all are usually fantasists. The 'Indian' girl in one of today's threads is a prime example. What I object to is this tendency of hers to condemnation if she has the slightest doubt of a story.
Can you imagine being in a pub with her and having the usual football bore walking over and telling you about a match he watched in 1966 ... she would immediately tell him he's fantasising! He may well be but I don't think she'd get out of my local in one piece!

DANNY

It's rude to talk across Lotta, as it were, but I think her problem is with people who claim something happened, because their girlfriend/sister etc told them.

I've got to say that it isn't always fully reliable. Molly & Dolly, my cousins, I would accept, because they are matter-of-fact about what they cliam to've seen and did and because they did live in Essex at a time when East Anglia seems to've still been CP mad.

On the other hand,My Uncle Jim, who's only 4 years older than me, and comes from the same background as Molly & Dolly re where he was schooled, I would not believe if he said the sun sets in the west. Simply because he has been on since we were teenagers about bare-bottom canings and strappings of girls that he saw, and always as if this was the biggest thing in the world.

Talking of 1966, thank your lucky stars Lotta was not present in white shirts and black shorts that day on the pitch, otherwise:-

Anyone who believes that shot of Herr Hurst's has just crossed the line, Mr Barkhamov, is clearly fantasising. You are equally deluded, Herr Dienst, in playing extra time at all. Just because the scoreboard showed, until a few seconds ago, England had scored twice, can you prove it? Can THEY prove it?

And dear old Bobby Moore would NEVER have got to wave a trophy at Wembley for the 3rd year running;our Nobby Stiles would have had tears running into his gummy mouth, not an inane grin playing from it!

I wouldn't swop Lotta, but I'm glad she's not got timelord abilities and would be restrained to echoing Eddie Fisher's 1951 American hit instead of doing it:-Turn Back The Hands of Time!

Steve M

I doubt if even Lotta could have sorted the resilient nit.

Along side the cockroach, the nit would fight to survive a nuclear fall out.

The sole two surviors of the species apart from your friend David Cameron tucked up in the bunker reduced to nattering nabobs of negativism, those alliterative phrases he so loves. He might welcome the odd nits as the only surviving huggies.

The only thing worse than the nits, something else that Lotta may never have experienced Malt and Cod Liver oil YUK!!

Lined up to the front, the one and only spoon reaching into the jar, mouth open on the order and in, Only the necessity to breath allowed you to swallow the revolting glue like substance.

To the echoes of “prove this isn’t doing you good” as you ran to throw up.

You can’t say our interests weren’t taken to heart. They needed us healthy, if only to keep nitty nora employed, and beat the living daylights out of us.

Steve, No wonder those players of 66 won the world cup for us, daily lashings of malt!!

KETTA

Even I managed to escape Malt & Cod Liver Oil.

But not, at Oliver Goldsmith's,orange juice in half-pint bottles with red tops and red capsules which contained I know not what.

From later experience, it wasn't amphetamine sulphate! I suspect council-flat oiks like me were probably guinea-pigs for something with the red capsules, but looking at me now,it could have been several experiments Porton Down had no wish to touch!


Steve M

Ketta
You must then have tasted the chocolate powder that suddenly surfaced in '44 or'45! I scoffed tins of the stuff! Unless it was only an Essex phenomonen. Made uo for the cod liver oil anyway. p

Danny

We may have the posher accents, but you Essex bunch certainly faired better with your coco, compared to us London rabble.

The one thing that made it up for me, the humble Satsuma, wrapped in silver foil, Christmas treat to us poor Fulhamites .

What a missile!!, lobbed at one irritating brother, the moment it left your hand as it glided threw the air, like a film in slow motion, was the moment you knew!! you’d made the wrong decision,


Steve

Those little red capsules!! could well have resulted in the hair loss, it could get worse, get suing man , irrevocable damage , claim your unable to let your hair down at Christmas.