Good evening.

As your thoughts now turn to wrapping up Christmas presents, and not needing an excuse, at this fraught time of year, to smack the children, this is an appeal.

I'm talking on behalf of the humble Christmas vegetable. No that's NOT your pissed senior manager who thinks he's God's gift to shagging I'm talking about, it's us, the humble hoi polloi of your dinner. Carrots, potatoes, parsnips, swedes, onions-small and large alike, we come to you tonight-remember us in 3 days time!

Hauled out of muddy and frozen fields and allotments to what? A cramped ride in a Tesco's Lorry-WE never get to play on the cranes at motorway services.

Mauled on the supermarket shelves by your snotty little brats you'd love to smack every time you take them out shopping. SOME of us suffer the ultimate indignity-SOLD IN ASDA!

Then, in your lovely homes, do WE get offered a mince pie, sherry, cigar, chance to use the playstation-do we HECK! It's into a dark cupboard or fridge, before you do the inevitable.

Now-I'm asking YOU;be different this year. Let us sit with you and talk-some of us are quite keen on repeats of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, and we DON'T want to take over the world, honest. Just DON'T ask David frigging Cameron round to hug us-a little affection and respect from you will do nicely.

To close, a few words from I am a Vegetable by Pete Researcher Townshend:

I was always here in the silence;
I was never under your eye.
Gather up your love in some wiseness,
Every memory shall always survive
And you will
See me!

Lots of love


Stigg

AND THEN THERE’S MRS CLAUSE!! INSISTS ON THE CARROTS, SHE DOSEN’T LIKE ME GROPING IN THE DARK

Now listen here carrot !!!


When you’ve had your neck rung , your legs trussed up, and stuffed up the jacksie,

then you’ll have something to complain about,

STIGG & TIM

Hope you can get your roots or claws free to try this


http://www.eyegas.com/xmas05/


A great Christmas game that shows you what to do with sprouts.

And it isn't eat them!


Steve M

Steve

Try this one

http://www.nudisttrampolining.com/

I know it's a bloke but use your imagination
(Erica Rowe) , you can get some great moves

Now you know why I get very little work done

So back to the veggies!!

We don't have an Asda, or anything decent of a shop, no Motorways, kids long gone, the little veggies can come and share Christmas with me,

Hmmmm I haven't got the mother inlaw a present yet!!

and if I didn't know better I'd think you've been making up for the lack of malt, and taking it in liquid form

Ketta

KETTA

The milkman brought a box of veg today, so turnips,a parsnip,carrots & potatoes alike will be enjoyimg festive hospitality here.

They may well help dress the tree tomorrow, and we will dig out a decent DVD or two for tomorrow as well. Stigg may well be back another day-I think any carrot who's stood in 4 times for Michael Flately without anyone spotting the difference stays off my christmas plate.

The remarkable thing being Stigg is 8 inches tall, as well. This is almost talent on J's snapping cousin's level, and certainly he's gifted enough to post again,I suspect.


Steve M

“MY DEAR!! that nice man Steve’s invited us round to his abode to chill .


In appreciation of our River Dance efforts he’s invited the oranges, treating us to a showing of the Full Del Monte”

Steve

I do hope the cats don't take a liking to your guests



K