One of those inane questions they sometimes bore us with in tabloids-if they made a movie of your life, who would you want to star in it, and who would be most appropriate to star in it(not necessarily one & the same thing!)

So, I'd like to have been portrayed by Marlon Brando or Robert Mitchum, but will now have to settle for Johnny Depp.

However, even given the wide divergence in footballing abilities, I think Eric Cantona might be more appropriate.

And how about YOU?


Steve M

In my case I am sad to report that having led a completely blameless and worthy life no actor or film star, living or dead, would even consider such a boring role!

I've met a lot of 'celebrities' in my time from all sectors of celebritydom, and with a few exceptions have found them either poorly educated, naive, or boring, (and sometimes all three!). Which leads me to wonder why Britain is so obsessed with celebrity. Ah!- because it makes them even more money than they already have - or no, perhaps those who are so obsessed with them are just like them, too! (No offence Steve, I'm thinking of the younger age-group here!).
Personally, I'd love to see how many points Jonathan Ross,(who is paid a lot of money from our licence fee), would reach on Mastermind. The expression 'fingers of one hand' come to mind, and that's being generous!
I'm with A_L - totally disinterested and happy enough with my own life thanks - I'd ban them all to an island where there are no cameras - Rockall would do - and let them perish. No one would miss them after a few weeks!

Hi Falling Star, you said:

I'd ban them all to an island where there are no cameras - Rockall would do

Falling Star, I normally find myself in total sympathy with your posts but I have to say that would be a dreadful thing to do to a totally innocent and inoffensive lump of rock that just happens to stick up out of the Atlantic on the north-western fringes of the UK!

As this is an off-topic thread I do not feel too guilty in saying that as the subject of Rockall and celebrities has come up those visitors with a suitably warped sense of humour may enjoy 'The Rockall Times', a rather specialist electronic newspaper to be found here. Our eminent contributor Alan Turing will be particularly pleased at the beneficiaries of the current merchandising offer.

Sadly this somewhat specialist publication seems to have run to only one edition. This may well be due to the drain on funds involved in defending against legal assaults by outraged celebrities!

My, my;we are a modest lot!

Well, I will have to do a bit of casting myself!

Another_Lurker with his specialitie de maison clearly needs to be portrayed by someone with extensive experience of film noir shadows. So Richard Widmark or Edmund O'Brien would be in the frame, but it would have to be a TRUE lurker-step forward out of those dark doorways in The Third Man, a slim and handsome Orson Welles.

Dr Dominium-Chips Rafferty? Nah, HAS to be Robert Donat in Goodbye Mr Chips! If you prefer the later musical version, Doc, Peter O'Toole at least had the good sense NOT to sing alongside that lovely song-thrush, Petula Clark-I'm biased, because, age 6, she was the first woman I noticed exuded sex appeal-it was her on the silver screen, so don't worry about MY age!

Ketta-REALLY difficult. It has to be an amalgam of sex-kitten Brigitte Bardot, the spunkiness of Jane Fonda, and the intelligent comment of Dame Judy Dench. Hope they cloned you, then, Ketta!

Steve M

Hmm, not sure about this shadows and dark doorways bit Steve! I am in fact one of the most open and well documented habitués of this estimable Forum. Anyone who's had the patience to read all my posts probably knows as much about me as anyone other than my immediate family and longest-standing friends. Even my given name is there for the taking! I don't use it though because there are too many of them here already, or at least there were when I first posted.

Having said that, the youthful Orson Welles will do very nicely, thank you!

Well, I'd better try a couple more.

The young Declan clearly had cheek and was a babe magnet-Billy Fury might do nicely.

Trouble is, there's one obvious person who can do the mature Declan-but would also fit Alan_Turing.

No, not Michael Redgrave vide The Dambusters, despite his parallel precision expertise. Both Alan & Declan excude a suaveness, thrill and danger for totty generally-HAS to be 2 starring roles, then, for James Mason!


Steve M

And yet another one has sprung to mind.

Mimi-there's only one candidate; erudite, man of action, and Irish ancestry into the bargain.

Plus women not allowed to distract from the main action.


Patrick McGoohan!


Steve M

Steve, you are so close.In the Prisoner series he demonstrates my unflagging terrier like attitude to life.
Not forgetting my hero Biggles of course.....

BILLY FURY !! The brylcreem and DA look had gone out by the time I went to school. James Mason is not too bad though.

Slightly different angle: I imagine, for some reason , that Doctor Dominum looks like Sir Alec Douglas Home. A distinguished figure, with a friendly touch, but can be stern when required. Further to this Another_Lurker would also be an establishment figure, Anthony Eden perhaps. Steve M would be of lower calibre, John Major , I reckon. Myself, if I am supposed to be suave and dapper , Benjamin D'Israeli.

Ketta, I'm afraid there is only one woman PM, though perhaps the New Zealand PM Helen Clarke is a little more attractive.

Different topic, the tennis player from my school lost in the doubles today in three sets.

DECLAN

The Billy Fury bit was the mean and moody side of you, even if it was outdated for your youth-I bet girls were driven crazy by you, and I thought there was little point in bringing Tom Jones into it, with your lack of Hywl connections.

However, YOU got my South London connection spot on with John Major.

Unfortunately, not quite my party, but if you go with birthsigns as well, then Harold Wilson will fit me ideally-did used to smoke a pipe, too. Always talked a good show & had an amazing memory like me, as well.

Amazingly enough, one of Sarah's online monickers is thescillycow, the name of Harold's holiday local in Mrs Wilson's Diary, one of the funniest bits in mid-60's Private Eye.

In the interests of political balance, I should add that my all-time political hero was also working-class South London & with strong Irish background, too.

I'll leave you all to put a name to him, but let's just say this was his response to a heckler in a 1960's political meeting:

HERO: Do You Know Swannee River?

HECKLER:YES!

HERO: I'll play it on the paper and comb...

HECKLER:YES!

HERO: And you go and jump in it!

HECKLER:YES!


Steve M

DECLAN

Should have added re Sir Alec Douglas-Home:

When appointed to the Cabinet as Foreign Sec in 1962 by MacMillan, he inspired this glorious Daily Mirror headline:-

"The most absurd political appointment since the Emperor Caligula made his horse a Pro-Consul!"

But, taking over from MacMillan in 1963 with the Tories 25 pts adrift in the opinion polls, he kept Harold's winning majority in October 1964 to just 4 seats. So, no flies on him, then, and must fit Doc nicely in that respect.


Steve M

Sorry Declan, but there's only one post-war UK Prime Minister I'd willingly be likened to, and sadly she's the wrong sex!

Perhaps this will help people.

One of the reasons for my nickname 'Dominus' is a perception by certain junior boys I was teaching in the early to mid 1970s that I bore some physical resemblance to the character of 'The Master' then appearing on 'Doctor Who' as played by Roger Delgado.

A younger version at the time, although, now I believe I am older than he was.



I lacked the full beard, but it's in the ballpark.

DOC

Thanks-it's nice to put a face to a name!

My doppleganger, at least in 1974-76, was actor Denis Waterman, as seen here on the right in The Sweeney.





Typically, his character, George Carter, was in no way shape or boss material boss material, and his boss(Jack Regan, as portrayed by John Thaw) was always the one with the girl at the end of most episodes.

Story of my life on both counts!


Steve M

An interesting thread this. Habitués of this estimable Forum are now in a position to recognise Doctor Dominum and Steve M should they ever meet them in the street. And yet neither of these worthies has ever, to my knowledge, been accused of being shadowy or frequenting dark doorways, a calumny I had to suffer from none other than Steve earlier in this thread! I therefore sought some visual representation which would dispel my current and quite unjustified image. This proved a difficult task indeed. I know of no celebrity whose looks could hold a candle to my own finely chiselled visage and with whom I could compare myself. Thus, after much consideration, I decided to publish, for the first time on any web Forum, a genuine image of Another_Lurker! Confident that instant recognition will now ensue should I encounter any of you I shall expect a cheery smile and heartfelt confirmation of how grateful you are that I continue to post here - or not, as the case may be.

Fantastic!

This is Orson Welles in The Stranger(1946)





In which film he does a bit of:-

climbing!!!!!!!!

Not a bad choice of mine?


The swelling ranks of LHIFAL are aware of this, and also welcome publication of a more modern image of their hero.



Steve M

Thank you Steve. I'd like to think I've guessed correctly what LHIFAL stands for. Please don't tell me the reality, it might damage my all too fragile ego!

What sort of climbing did Orson Welles do in 'The Stranger' (1946) and does the film ever come up on TV nowadays? If it does I'll organise my TV expert to watch out for it and I can beg my way into the house of some unsuspecting acquaintance to view it.

Hi A_L

Orson Welles climbs a mean church tower in the climax to the film.

Granted, he uses the stairs provided, but it's still climbing!

He also plays a mean town doctor who's actually an escaping Nazi with a mean line in identity theft & murder. Unfortunately, old Fish-Face himself, Edward G, just happens to chance by in a meaner line as a member of a War Crimes Commission investigator, and that's how we end up the tower.

And, yes, it DOES stand for

Let's Hear It For Another_Lurker.

You may be too modest to say it on air as it were, but I have no such scruples.


Steve M

Hi Steve. I am relieved to hear that my initial guess re the initials was not too far out!

Thanks for the info about the film. Climbing church towers, even by the stairs provided can be quite testing. I assume, given your plot outline, that having climbed the tower Orson Welles then leapt from the top, something I normally try to avoid, even given a bomb-proof belay and the shock absorbing benefits of stretchy rope!

Steve M

I cannot think of the South London politician with Irish connections. The only ' Irish' politician from the 50s and 60s I can recall is Lord Longford and he was hardly working class.

Some years ago I was compared to the actor , John Alderton, who appeared in the series Please Sir. Had I played that role I would have insisted on a few changes to the script and handed out a few slipperings to the girls in the class.I can only remember the name of Maureen and I don't think she was the most attractive one. There was a very mild slippering of a boy in the film version of the programme.

I also remember John Alderton playing alongside Hannah Gordon who was then , and still is , a seriously attractive woman, but of course there was no spanking in that series either.

It was a play rather than a film, but my role was taken by Derek Jacobi in Hugh Whitemore's "Breaking the Code".

You might also care to look at my statue in Manchester, pictured in this Wikipedia article.

Hi Declan. You say:

I would have insisted on a few changes to the script and handed out a few slipperings to the girls in the class.

An interesting point. I have been out of touch with both cinema and television for a number of years now, but prior to that it was my impression that the representatation of schoolgirl CP in those media was well below even the admittedly limited levels in equivalent periods and schools in the real world. Not so the chastisement of the fair sex in non-scholastic environments in the same entertainment media though, there I think the incidence far exceeded real life!

Re the series Please Sir I remember reading, years ago, in Janus I imagine, that John Alderton put a female teacher trainee across his knee in front of the class and spanked her.

I certainly do not remember this though I would not have seen anything like all the episodes and there is no mention of it on the SF&R site which has a pretty comprehensive list of all these type of incidents.

I remember a boy being sent for the cane , though the head was a complete wimp and would not have caned him, and as mentioned Alderton gave a smack with a slipper to a boy in a dorm when they were on a school trip.

I saw the film " To Sir with Love" on tv recently and at the very beginning it is stated that the cane has been abolished. Unusual for a 1960s secondary modern and a great pity as Lulu was one of the naughty girls in it and could have done with a touch of the old McCrostie, which she certainly received in real life.

One film of about 1970 in which there was a good slippering scene was " Melody" featuring Jack Wild and Mark Lester. Mark Lester is the God parent to Michael Jackson's children, and was on tv at the weekend. I recall this film being featured on the children's tv programme " Magpie" at the time and they showed the slippering scene. The presenter, Susan Stranks, took a great interest in this and asked Mark whether it hurt and he replied in the affirmative.

Well, this has proved popular.

Glad to see Doc bears NO resemblance to another Dr Who character:-





Davros, of course.


He was in turn based on this gentleman from Dan Dare:-



I had the pleasure(?) of a similar-looking person being one of my early bosses in the Civil Service. Only he was a couple of feet taller and a little less green than the Mekon, though he might have had death-rays focused on me, as I was having fun with his married daughter at one point!

Declan-Maureen was the Catholic girl in Please Sir, the looker was Eric's girl Sharon-portrayed by Penny Spencer series 1 & 2, Carol Hawkings thereafter, and:-




you could say she stood out at audition!

I remember Melody-the head of year ends up chasing Jack Wild & his young floozy across a bombsite or something, slipper in hand & given the girl's brief school dress, there might have been a few more punters to see the film if she'd been caught & dealt with.



But that's who she was & what she looked like in the film-JJ would have given HER a wide berth, the little minx!


Alan's been far too sensible to give us any picture clues, so I'll refrain from a Derek Jacobi still-but here's James Mason, probably about to cane Anne Todd on the hand, in The Seventh Veil(1945):



See what I mean about dark and deadly with the girls?

Just an update on the sporting prowess of girls from my old school. Sadly Miss R got hammered in the first round of the girls junior singles at Wimbledon, she is 19th ranked in the UK and 636th in the world. Things can only get better.

Another 18 year old from my school won a high standard swimming event in Glasgow and has achieved the Commonwealth Games standard. She has won a gold medal, but as it was in Glasgow I suspect she has also been awarded a Golden McCrostie Tawse.

McROSTIE!