If I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better
care of myself
2. In The Beginning...
God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.
Then Satan created McDonald's, Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme.
And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man and Woman said "Yeah, and another one with sprinkles." And
they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might keep the figure
that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the
wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them.
And woman went from size 3 to size 9. So God said, "Try my fresh green
salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing and garlic toast
on the side. And man and woman had to unfasten their belts.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big It needed its own platter.
And man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those
extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so man
would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman
watched TV and gained more pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And man and woman
gained another ten pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that man and woman might consume fewer
calories and still satisfy their appetite. And Satan created
McDonald's and it's 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want
fries with that?" And man replied, "Yea! And super size 'em." And
Satan said, "It is good." And man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMO's.
Posted on Aug 6, 2003, 7:47 PM from IP address 216.54.110.32