The ZOOOOOO

WELCOME EVERYONE!!

Link to Jonsplace...chfpatients.com
For detailed heart failure information

Wa hoppened

by John the lonely poster.

Last night i would have swore Sherrell had posted a message but today i do not see it.Very mysterious.

Posted on Jun 2, 2003, 11:17 AM
from IP address 216.54.110.26

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Corney but i kind of liked them so here they are

by John


1. STICKER OF THE WEEK

Keep honking, I'm reloading


2. Wise Old Farmer And The Salesman: Submitted by Bob R.
A wise old farmer went to town to buy a new pickup truck that he saw
advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the
salesman which truck he wanted, they set down to do the paperwork. The
salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, "This
isn't the price I saw!".

The salesman went on to tell the old wise farmer how he was getting
extras such as power steering, power brakes, power windows, special
tires, etc., and that was what took the price up. The farmer, needing
the truck badly, paid the price and went home.

A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, "My
son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for
sale?" The farmer replied, "Yes, I have a few cows I would sell for
$500 apiece, Come and look at them and take your pick." The salesman
said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in
the field checking out all the farmer's cows, the two decided on one
and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500. The farmer
said------"Now wait a minute, that's not the final price of the cow,
you're getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too". "What
extras?" asked the salesman. Below is the list the farmer gave the
salesman for the final price of the cow..............................

BASIC COW............$500.00
Two-tone exterior.........$45.00
Extra stomach............$75.00
Product storing equipment.........$60.00
Straw compartment.....$120.00
4 spigots @$10 ea.........$40.00
Leather upholstery......$125.00
Dual horns...................$45.00
Automatic fly swatter........$38.00
Fertilizer attachment......$185.00

GRAND TOTAL....... $1,233.00




3. Big Bird Blues
A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich behind him, and as
he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.

The man says,"I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to
the ostrich. "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the
waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the
man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,
"I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll
have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays
with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will
have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man.

"Same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes
with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man
pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of
your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I
was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a
Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I
ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the
right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a
million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there," says the man.
What was your second wish asks the waitress.A chick with long legs replies the farmer.












Posted on May 29, 2003, 1:43 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.79

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This is true - Honest.

by John

My daugher just came home and tells us that at a church gathering she went to the potty room with 4 year old bobby.She told him to "watch" her purse on the sink counter while she went in to the throne room.When she came out he was very buisy "Washing " her purse. Inside and out. Honest this is the truth.

Posted on May 28, 2003, 4:54 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.72

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Up in smoke

by John


TODAY'S ODDITIES:

A Burning Issue
A Charlotte, NC, (USA) lawyer purchased a box of very rare and
expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things.
Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great
cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on
the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of
small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued....and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company
that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the
lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that
the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure
them against fire, without defining what is considered to be
unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than
endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company
accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of
the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer
was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.This is alledged to be a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent
Criminal Lawyers Award Contest. "



Dumb Doctors
Dr. Yogendra Shah of Granite City, Ill., was accused by a state
regulatory board of performing an abortion on a woman who was not
pregnant. In a complaint filed in March and reported by the St. Louis
Post-Dispatch in May, a woman said she thought she was pregnant, but
wasn't (based on an absence of fetal tissue), and Dr. Shah failed to
test for pregnancy before performing the procedure. (A newspaper
database search revealed that anti-abortion advocates have been slow
to take a position on this story.) [St. Louis Post- Dispatch, 5-1-03]

Surgeon David C. Arndt, who made news last year when he left a patient
in the operating room while he ducked out to the bank to cash a check,
and who later was arrested for sexually assaulting a 15-year-old boy,
filed an application in February to tap into a state legal assistance
fund for $15,000 to contest the latter charge, because he said he
couldn't afford to pay his lawyer and he didn't want a public
defender. [Boston Globe, 2-25-03]




Posted on May 26, 2003, 8:38 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.206

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Check in time again....

by Sherrell

I think we need a check in once a week rule to keep us from worrying about the quiet folks....Hope everyone is well. I continue to stay pretty busy...last week I spoke at a women's club and directed a wedding.

Posted on May 19, 2003, 3:56 PM
from IP address 12.92.200.181

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Glad everything is going well for you.

by John

Me i,m on and even keel but my mission in life now a days seems to be to keep my old auto running week after week.Hope every body else is up in mind and body.: )

Posted on May 19, 2003, 8:52 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.183

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P.S. Proud grandads grandaughter turned 3 years old today

by John


Wish i hadn't ate that second piece of birthday cake groan.( greezy sugar frosting not the whipped cream kind.

Posted on May 19, 2003, 8:57 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.183

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My neice graduates

by Jill

from 6th grade next month and I can hardly believe that she is that old already!

I also have a hard time thinking about how old our parrot is, I bought her when Jack and I were first living together, 17 years ago this December. (she was 3 mo old at that time)!!!

Posted on May 25, 2003, 12:09 PM
from IP address 209.210.208.45

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One of my nieces just graduated from college and her parents threw

by uncle John

her a graduation party.Was she suprised.She also learned to watch those facual expressions at graduation especially when said nieces brother had a vidio camera with zoom lens.: )

Posted on May 26, 2003, 7:45 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.206

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Hope your car

by Sherrell

gets its problems worked out. It's not fun to have to worry about whether you'll make it home or not. Isn't age 3 such fun? All that energy...wish we could bottle it!

Posted on May 22, 2003, 10:40 AM
from IP address 12.92.200.157

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Check in Time

by Tom W

I had a gastric infection for two weeks. That passed and last week attended my youngest son's graduation from college.

Posted on May 20, 2003, 5:15 AM
from IP address 216.199.112.34

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Coreg experiment failed

by Jill

Jack and I are both doing fine. A week ago the Cardio Doc wanted Jack to be on Coreg so he took his dose and had all the bad side effects, just for good measure he tried it a second time with the same bad results so this drug is out of the mix. We are enjoying our typical spring weather....rain, hail & wind one minute and sunny blue skies the next.

Posted on May 22, 2003, 9:18 AM
from IP address 209.210.208.28

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I went with toperil instead of coreg

by Anonymous

As to weather leave out the hail and you got it here.

Posted on May 22, 2003, 10:34 AM
from IP address 216.54.110.47

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Sorry the coreg...

by Sherrell

didn't work for you. It took 8 months of my feeling like crap (excuse the expression) before I finally started feeling better. But my EF never improved, only my stamina a little bit. Don't give up though...other meds might work better for you.

Posted on May 22, 2003, 10:37 AM
from IP address 12.92.200.157

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Cardio Doc. Just said.....

by Jill

with all those side effects to stop it and just, 'keep doing what he has always done' because he has responded very well with it.


Have a good holiday weekend everyone!

Posted on May 25, 2003, 12:03 PM
from IP address 209.210.208.45

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Glad you are better

by Sherrell

Gastric problems are the pits! Congrats on your son's gratuation!

Posted on May 22, 2003, 10:38 AM
from IP address 12.92.200.157

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Partys Partys Partys lately

by Plump John

3 at the museam one at the city this month.Then a nieces graduation party(college)

Posted on May 15, 2003, 7:51 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.150

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Oh Well

by John

TODAY'S ODDITIES:

Hopeless Recidivists

Eduardo Rivera, 43, in court awaiting a hearing on a charge of
receiving stolen property, was rearrested after he carved his name
into a courtroom bench (Reading, Pa., February). [Herald-Mail
(Hagerstown, Md.)-AP, 2-5-03]

David Joe White Jr., 32, having just pleaded guilty to 42 burglary
charges, was rearrested after swiping his lawyer's portable tape
recorder from the defense table (Attalla, Ala., February). [Tuscaloosa
News, 2-28-03]

Chan Kwok-keung, 34, was sentenced to four months in jail for stealing
a court interpreter's purse; he was in the courtroom at the time on
theft charges (but had just been cleared) (Hong Kong, March).
[Newsday-AP, 3-11-03]

Look Out Ebay
A British rock music fan offered to sell his own flu germs derived
from Paul McCartney's recent bout of the flu (which the fan said he
caught from a backstage session with McCartney), via either a
coughed-into plastic bag or a vial of mucus. [CNN-Reuters, 4-16-03]

Painfully Devoted
To express their new religious freedom, Iraqi Shi'ite pilgrims
celebrated a long-suppressed holy day by the traditional, bloody
slashing-open of their heads with swords (Karbala). [Associated Press,
4-22-03]


Posted on May 15, 2003, 11:52 AM
from IP address 216.54.110.211

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And we think we have troubles

by john

TODAY'S ODDITIES:

Dan Quayle Disciples
According to an Associated Press report, six candidates for city
offices in Charleston, W.Va., misspelled their party affiliations in
their official filing forms in January. Among the variations were
"Democart," "Democrate," "Repbulican" and "Repucican." In fact, one of
the city council incumbents had, four years earlier, also declared
himself to be a "Democart." [Associated Press, 1-16-03]

Now That's Sticktoitiveness

In Center Township, Pa., in January, Mark Ferrara called for
paramedics when his daughter, 7, couldn't resist trying to lick a
frozen metal pole at her school bus stop, and got stuck. [Pittsburgh
Post-Gazette-AP, 1-17-03]

According to a BBC News report about a colder-than-normal January in
Russia, a young man in the southern city of Stavropol, answering a
call of nature behind a bus stop shelter, turned abruptly so that his
exposed organ inadvertently stuck to the metal siding; a bystander
hustled up a kettle of warm water to unstick him. [BBC News, 1-9-03]




Posted on May 13, 2003, 7:06 AM
from IP address 216.54.110.161

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Mother's Day

by Sherrell

Hope everyone enjoyed their Mother's Day weekend, remembering Mothers or spending time with her. We had a great weekend with all my kids home. Then lunch with my mom and family and dinner with Tony's mom and family. What a wonderful time!

Posted on May 12, 2003, 5:43 PM
from IP address 12.92.200.44

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Just think a few of my YOUNGER brothers and sisters are

by John

GG grandparents

Posted on May 12, 2003, 6:47 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.63

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It's hard to believe

by Sherrell

it is May already. I went to ATL last Wednesday for a checkup to relief my mind more than anything. Everytime I have a different ache or feeling I worry if I am going into rejection. The docs say I'm great; I had just been using the chest muscles too much. I started practicing the piano or organ for an hour each day and over stressed those muscles. So he said not to use my arms alot the next few day. Then we went to the capitol to a Donor Family Recognition Service, which was very emotional. My best friend went with me so after we had taken care of business, we tried out new restaurants and went shopping. My daughter Michelle had flowers waiting for me in the motel room so I really felt special. My father in law had laproscopy gallbladder surgery. His liver was nicked and the docs had to go back in and place a stent in the bile duct to control the leakage problem. He really was sick (he developed peritonitis) but is much better now. Tracy is settling in at home and starts her job in the morning. No more quiet nights with just me and Tony. It was nice to read what everyone has been up to.

Posted on May 4, 2003, 6:41 PM
from IP address 12.92.200.20

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Where be everybody.

by John

I realize that since Rick got his camera he's a very busy fellow : )but the rest of you guys.????????????

Posted on Apr 30, 2003, 9:27 AM
from IP address 216.54.110.192

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sleeping, reading, playing in

by Jill

the sunshine and spending too much time enjoying the flora & fauna around the pond. Springtime in the NW, temps have hit above 60*.

Overall we are doing fine but Jack is having trouble sleeping, other than that is all good here.

Posted on Apr 30, 2003, 9:15 PM
from IP address 209.210.208.22

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Yawn

by TomW

Sleeping, reading, visiting doctors. No time for anything else. Already 90 degrees here. Too hot to be outside. Much warmer than over on the beach where Rick stays and plays.

Posted on May 1, 2003, 5:54 AM
from IP address 216.199.112.14

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Sleeping would be nice

by Jamie

I've been busy either destroying things or making things grow.
We planted our watermelon and tomato sprouts only after I sifted the dirt.
I've been interviewing contractors for our roof, siding and windows.
I did my first mortar job. Not too bad but the side where it wasn't so great will soon be covered with gladiollas (?) and wildflowers.

Today I go read at the school then a therapy appointment then back to scrapping paint and whatever else I can get into.


Posted on May 2, 2003, 5:51 AM
from IP address 67.80.150.152

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Been Swimming Every Day

by Rick, the Aquatic One

The temp in the pool is about 75 degrees and the air is about 82 or3. This makes for good swimming ( as long as you keep your beard out of the water ). This is the best time of the year in Florida ( now that all the snowbirds have gone back for Easter ).

Posted on May 2, 2003, 8:01 PM
from IP address 67.28.65.144

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Me

by John the sickly ole man.

I've become a computor junkie, go to the museam once a week and am making a career out of keeping my old chrysler running.Starting to look like it would have been cheaper to buy a new one.Oh and this all transpiring in between my buisy schedule of going to the various doctors and hospitals.: (

Posted on May 4, 2003, 11:42 AM
from IP address 216.54.111.170

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What a beautiful week!...

by Sherrell

we having. The weather is perfect (except for the high pollen count). I'm leaving this afternoon for Atlanta. I have a doc appointment in the morning and then plan to attend the Donor Recognition Day at the Georgia State Capitol, sponsored by the governor and the Georgia Coalition on Donation. My best girlfriend is going with me and we are staying until Thursday. We're planning on getting some shopping in as well. Thursday afternoon we'll come back through Milledgeville to pick up some of Tracy's stuff. Her semester is over Friday. It sure doesn't seem like her freshman college year should be over all ready. She starts her summer job Monday working at the airport in the business development office. She is also starting her pilot flying lessons. Have a great rest of the week.

Posted on Apr 29, 2003, 7:24 AM
from IP address 12.92.200.75

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I kind of figured your kids would learn to fly by the seat of their diapers Sherrell

by John

At a very tender age that is.With you guys in the business and all. : )

Posted on Apr 30, 2003, 9:22 AM
from IP address 216.54.110.192

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Wow, that was a fast

by Jill

freshman year! My neice starts Jr High next year and that to me seems next to impossible....GGG They sure grow up fast. GGG

Posted on Apr 30, 2003, 9:18 PM
from IP address 209.210.208.22

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Fun time this afternoon...

by Sherrell

I was interviewed standing in the middle of a country road by a local NBC TV crew doing a news story for National Donate Life Week. Then my walking partner and I walked our 3 miles with the camera man filming us. That was the quietest our walk has ever been. We usually are laughing and having fun but we were concentrating too hard on holding our bellies in and trying to ignore the camera. What a hoot!

Posted on Apr 23, 2003, 7:01 PM
from IP address 12.92.200.51

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Just think , I know a genuine celebrity : )

by John

n/t

Posted on Apr 24, 2003, 11:27 AM
from IP address 216.54.110.178

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Went to the museam today Sherrell

by John

Richard was their and guess what He had the pacemaker installed and he still made it to the Tournament on schedual.And i wasn't invited : ( ( of course i never asked to begin with)

Posted on Apr 22, 2003, 6:26 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.137

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Poor John

by Sherrell

Sorry you are feeling a little left out but I am so proud of your friend. I hope he did not over do. Maybe if you be really nice to him, he'll sneak you in his luggage for next year.

Posted on Apr 23, 2003, 6:57 PM
from IP address 12.92.200.51

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I'll have to keep that in mind

by John

n/t

Posted on Apr 23, 2003, 7:00 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.237

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Maybe

by Sherrell

you could even give him some homemade cookies or something to bribe him with. Augusta sure is pretty this time of the year with all the azalias and dogwoods and the rest of the flowers blooming. But the pollen is bad.

Posted on Apr 23, 2003, 7:03 PM
from IP address 12.92.200.51

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Tired ole yuck yucks

by John

1. WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT

Perhaps your purpose in life is to serve as a warning for others


2. The Priest And The Politician
A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth
anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local
politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make
the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was
delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words
while they waited.

"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can
never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish
from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about
this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been
assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my
confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when
stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he
told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an
affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on
I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come
to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the
presentation and give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this
parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the
first one to go to him in confession."




Posted on Apr 21, 2003, 4:43 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.221

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Happy Easter to all.....

by Jack & Jill

Enjoy the day!

Posted on Apr 20, 2003, 10:19 AM
from IP address 209.210.208.42

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Happy easter All

by John

The easter bunny came amd made the grandkiddys very happy.

Posted on Apr 20, 2003, 7:13 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.158

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Hope all had a great Easter!

by Sherrell

I had all my kids home together for the first time since Christmas for the whole weekend. I hosted a lingerie shower on Saturday morning and had 15 people for lunch after church yesterday. So today I am cleaning my house! The Easter bunny brought my "kids" 5 foot wingspan airplane kites. The instructions on the package was not to fly within 4 miles of an airstrip. Tracy said we had not had an egg hunt in years so she wanted one...What a hoot...all these grown kids and my 8 year old nephew searching for eggs. They had a good time reliving their childhoods!

Posted on Apr 21, 2003, 10:07 AM
from IP address 12.92.200.245

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Worked at the museam today Sherrell

by John

Found out that Richard,The gentleman that hosts a shindig at the masters every year, didn't make it this year. seems he was busy getting a pacemaker installed.

Posted on Apr 15, 2003, 5:02 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.23

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Sorry to hear that...

by Sherrell

Hope he is doing well. Alot of the big CEO's let their "little people" come but did not come themselves. The number of protesters was really small and the weather the first of the week was cool and rainy. But the weekend was great and most of our customers had a great time.

Posted on Apr 16, 2003, 7:38 PM
from IP address 12.92.200.78

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Next year I'll try to wangle an invite to come along from him. : + )

by John

So far he is doing fine.

Posted on Apr 17, 2003, 9:03 AM
from IP address 216.54.110.92

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That would be great!

by Sherrell

I would love to be your hostess!

Posted on Apr 21, 2003, 10:00 AM
from IP address 12.92.200.245

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No Master's for me...

by Sherrell

this year again. Tony has a bad case of kidney stones so I am being the nurse. It sure did seem strange me driving him to the hospital instead of the other way around. And he wouldn't even let me put on my flashers or run any red lights.

Posted on Apr 12, 2003, 8:51 PM
from IP address 12.92.200.83

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yikes!

by Jill

Give Tony our best....those stones are never fun!

Posted on Apr 12, 2003, 9:05 PM
from IP address 209.210.208.20

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Just ain't no fun or excitement without the flashers and running red lights

by John

Especially when a man is in that much pain.Give him out best wishes.

Posted on Apr 13, 2003, 12:11 PM
from IP address 216.54.111.109

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Milk anyone

by John

TODAY'S ODDITIES:

Peculiar Protests
Belgian actor Benjamin Verdonck lived nearly naked in a cage with a
pig in Ghent for three days in November hoping the pig would "teach"
him why there is such strife in the world (results not reported).
[Reuters, 11-15-02]


In October, in the midst of a People for the Ethical Treatment of
Animals anti-milk demonstration at an Aberdeen, Scotland, high school,
about 100 milk-loving students spent 10 minutes angrily drenching
PETA's cow-costumed spokesman with milk. [The Scotsman, 10-12-02]



Posted on Apr 11, 2003, 5:35 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.102

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What a way to go plus getting wrapped in your job.

by John

TODAY'S ODDITIES

Chivalry Is Dead
Three men fell to their deaths into a 40-foot latrine pit in Mombasa,
Kenya, in March, all because the first man chivalrously climbed down a
ladder into the pit to retrieve a woman's cell phone but fell off and
suffocated. The other two men then climbed down, but also fell off,
attempting to rescue the one before him. A search crew finally brought
up the three bodies four hours later, but no cell phone. [BBC News,
3-14-03]

The Taxpayers' Money At Work
A New York Daily News investigation revealed in March that the Postal
Service has spent at least $3.6 million of stamp buyers' money in
recent years sending its Inspector General staff through a series of
executive conferences that featured exercises in wrapping each other
in toilet paper and aluminum foil, building sand castles in freezing
weather at the beach, and freely making animal noises, all because the
conference sponsors convinced Inspector General Karla Corcoran that
those exercises would improve job performance and make the staff work
together better. Other therapeutic tasks included dressing in cat
costumes and asking make-believe wizards for advice. [New York Daily
News, 3-9-03]

The Heimlich Hoax
A 36-year-old man from Arcadia, Fla., checked himself into a
counseling clinic in March after being identified as the one who had
been pretending in public to be choking on food and persuading women
to grasp him in the Heimlich maneuver, after which he would hug them
lavishly and attempt clumsily to develop a relationship. A sheriff's
spokesman in Charlotte County, site of the most recent reports, said
the man probably had done nothing illegal. (Novelist Chuck Palahniuk,
author of "Fight Club," recently published "Choke," whose storyline
roughly matches the man's actions, but apparently some Florida
incidents predated the book's publication.) [Port Charlotte
Sun-Herald, 3-3-03; Tampa Tribune-Sarasota Herald-Tribune, 3-12-03]




Posted on Apr 11, 2003, 12:00 PM
from IP address 216.54.110.121

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