I was on vacation for a week, and ate a lot of rich food, an so had a wild dream - in the dream -

I witnessed my mother have a vision of heaven which was somewaht cartoony and silly, and then she saw all the flames of hell fire (realistically) and then she asked me to get into bed with her cos she was scared to sleep again...I said NO WAY - then I woke up!!

Strangely, maybe 6 weeks before 9-11, my father showed up in the middle of the night (scared me to death - he is dead) and he was all in shades of red mumbling about something with an 'A' and I was puzzling (after I got over the shock of this apparition - I know i was partly awake for that one) why he was sorta in Hell-Fire colours, and what was so important with an 'A' in it. Maybe when mum passes on, she is also going to the "smoking" section?????

but doesnt admit to it much, she dreams in technicolor detail or abstract, later it falls into place, maybe I got a second hand view of trouble/war coming? I cant exactly call her up and ask her what she has seen lately, physical communication is not our family's forte....we have to use our psy skills to get the important stuff across.....wonder what she is freakin' over?

I don't know what's gone on between you both, and it's clear how you feel about things, but is your mum sorry at all? Has she tried to reconcile thngs with you?

My belief is that heaven and hell are what we ceate in this life, not places we are relegated to when we die.

Trouble sleeping, apart from many things, is our conscience playing up. I wonder if she needs your forgiveness?

what do you think though?

I think she is s**t out of luck....which is apparently the same opinion as held by my brothers and sisters....

Sure I know the shrinks will tell me that it will be healing blah blah and benefit me to reach out etc but I do already let her moan at me down the phone on a regular basis and she is the same person, too old for change or growth etc and I just don't have to live there any more!

So there you go. Reminds me when she showed up in a dream to tell me I had cancer and I threw her outof the apartment (no cancer yet.) Maybe she is it?

Although you have no reason to be upset, you might have to deal with the psychic blast of someone else's emotions.

I understand where you are even though I don't know your story.

I am challenged by the things you say, and to an extenct they shape my existence for a while. All I know is that I am at a time where forgiving my own mother is important to my own life and needs for the future. If I can't do this I am apt to repeat ancestral mistakes. I have alreafy learnt a valuable lessoon this year, which was new. I won't be having a dream relationship with her, but I can free myself and let go.

So should you.

This is the hardest and most challenging thing I have ever had to face. For you, I hope and wish that you will find your own own peace and reconcilliation.

Love
M.
XXXX

that honestly, I think she ran out almost the last thread, I wasnt raised with a great deal of empathy, so that part of me is a bit damaged etc, I am fine with my friends, but there is no-one like yr mother to fire you up. I have to tell you, that when I left the last time, my financial instincts took over and I am somewhat waiting for the day that I get a 1/5 of a terraced house, end of story. Sounds terrible to you, but it struck me as so matter of fact when I left there. Plus when I came home, my brain directed me to shred all the old photos of htat unhappy childhood. MY husband thought it was wierd, but it felt liek the right thing to do for me.

Funniest - was my sister who my mother decided to honor as 'executor' of the will, then has used this item to drag the issue around all the time - to the point where my sister doesnt talk to her now. As my sister said, "my god, if she thinks all this hassle is worth 1/5 of a terraced house, she has another think coming!!" and its not the mini-money, its the crap we've put up with over the years that has made us all create space between her and us. It will get terribly stressful and complicated if she becomes disabled or infirm.

I still call her up, I still let her rattle, she still manages to hurt me, can I fix it? doubt it, but the other 95% of my life is going fine, so I can deal with it. It seems that the unhappiness of childhood has firmly planted a line in my brain, even when I am sleeping and she shows up, she gets the boot.

I dont have that much to give, and I am giving it to those that appreciate it, so dont worry about me, I am blessed with good friends and a new family to rely on in times of trouble. luv ya for caring though, Marmelade!

Hi,
I, like Marmalade, do not know your 'story' and find it very hard to relate to your feelings concerning your mother as I have a very close relationship with my own. It seems to me that the dreams you have where she appears is a kind of reaching out to her, as though no matter what you have been through there is a fundamental need in you to love this woman or have her love you. Are you a cancerian? People born under this star sign are supposed to have a special bond with their Mothers - maybe the 'cancer' dream was a reminder of this link?
As a mother myself I am troubled that a child you have born and nurtured can feel as you do and hope that my own children will never feel as you do.

ETx

I think that is all it will take. Try not to ignore or crush 'em. They might wind up a funny shape...

I have been taught thru christian ideology and the lords prayer and social obligation thru childhood to 'honor thy mother and father' and that i am supposed to love them - this caused confusion and guilt as there was always so much aggravation in the home that was unpleasant to live in. So perhaps my frustrations are from the conflict of the ingrained beliefs (which would not cause conflict for kids with encouraging happy parents) versus the actual parent experience in this case! Later I chose lousy partners cos I had lousy role models and no guidance. But it is done now, I have a loving partner who meets me way more than halfway, and i know how lucky I am. Plus, some people went thru much much worse, and are doing way better htan I am at this point in my life.

Conversely, what i have gained from my childhood experiences is now extreme self reliance and a self preservation instinct. Be safe in the knowledge that in the event of a disaster, both You and I can rely on ME to get us out of the burning plane etc. I really mean that, I have fought hard for my personal emotional freedom (not quite done yet) and wont let her bring me down any more. Some parents are just not right for the job, mother was hard work and still is. I am sure if I have kids, at some point they might well say the same thing about me - so what to do?

But do i really have to justify how I feel when my mother treated me like crap for 35 yrs????? how much is a phone call, she has NEVER called me!!! I got all A's this woman never cared, she was dazzled by the sun shining out of her other daughter's ass!!! who incidentally borrowed money and went off to be a hooker in another country....how much do you really want to know? might be better off just accepting me for who I am, jsut a hard working sucker whose mother is a pain the ass! thanks for listening!!

Hi,
I believe that we are born into this world with a whole lot of genetic baggage and no choice of the parents to deal with that ship load.
On many occasion I have looked at my son and thought that he is not of me - comprende?
No matter how much I praise him he is still not satisfied or convinced.
His father finds fault in everything and everyone. I've had 15 years of it and I've had enough..thank goodness he's my partner and not my parent!
Luckily I can get rid, not so if he was my Dad.
Your postings of your Mother remind me of me friends attitude of her own Mother who walked out on the family when she was only six years old.
She had no interest in finding the Mother that she 'hated' yet I don't think she ever got over her walking out. After several attempts to take her own life she succeeded at the age of 33 years.
Maybe by 'staying around' your Mother has given you a strength, a reason or purpose to fight for yourself that my friend never had.
Maybe I'm clutching at straws to try and convince you to appreciate her in some small way, but there you are.
She's still around and so are you and it could be alot worse!
It is always a pleasure to read your postings and insights - hope I don't offend.

ETx

interesting to read about yr son. Dont know the answer to that one, but he will meet someone and mellow with time. He diefinately picked it up from yr other half I guess.

I no longer 'hate' my parents, I went to a shrink for 5 yrs, (lotsa cash, down the drain) then slightly under hypnosis when the shrink was telling me to remember how it felt to be a 5 yr old, I basically managed to get out "I HATE them" hadnt said or thought it for 20 yrs, I had forgotten, the human mind has a way of sugar coating the bad memories. They didnt actually DO anything to me (that i remember) but they never encouraged me or supported me or NURTURED me, and so now it is hard for some people to be comfortable around me, as I mentally repel boarders (and managers) and I think when others are uncomfortable they dont like me. I have been described as unique, (I made a psychic very uncomfortable during a reading when I was 16) and i think now she was trying to find a way to to describe my mental armour. My sister put it best,and seems to have benefited most from our psychological upbringing - she said, "really, lets face it, after me Mum & Dad, can anyone really BOTHER you?" meaning she doesnt find anyone intimidating at all, or respect anyone, for htat matter.... This is the best thing that has come out of it. I dont think i use the survival skill as well as she has......but I am still here, learning as an adult how to get along with other people, and how to mimic the niceties (and even mean them sometimes) that let you fit in an have an easier life. However, if I have any, I may get the urge to eat my young!! Pass the Daddies Sauce!

As a manager of mine once said when he could no longer afford therapy - and I asked him what he was going to do, he said, "I'm cured!!"