My teenage son went into a grocery store, 2 days ago and stole 2 packs of cigs for his friends, the same night I had a dream that I was slowly walking past my brother and sister in laws house(SNEAKING)to see If I could see them sitting in there kitchen, they weren't so I lifted there garage door and stole there golf cart just to ride less than a block to my mothers, I went into my mothers and my sister and her baby was there(they live far away)I ask her why she was down and she said that her and her husband were having problems(my sister and her husband are very close) so she came down to spend a week at my mothers house. I went in my mothers upstairs and looked out the window and the golf cart was gone, so someone stole it from in front of my moms house, I went looking for it, this girl I know I wanted to ask if she seen anyone on the golf cart, I yelled her name at least 3 times she wouldn't answer me, then I started thinking in my mind I wondered if anyone seen me with the golf cart, end of dream, since my son stole 2 packs of cigs that day, do you think that triggered the dream, and I don't believe in stealing, I don't understand why I stole the golf cart, and the day my son stole 2 packs of cigs I ask him why he would steal for someone else, because he was the one that got in big trouble for doing it.

Hi, I think what your son did upset and hurt you terribly, after all, we bring our children up as best we can, and then they do something to upset us. Was he just trying to be brave or was it peer pressure that made him do it? Even at 17 we can still be easily led and want to fit in the gang even by doing something daring. I think your dream could well be you sorting it out in your mind and maybe even taking on some of the guilt, even though it wasnt your fault, but as a parent, thats what we do cos we dont like our children suffering, whatever the situation. God, when I think of the things I did in my teens, yet I wasnt bad. Love Michelle xxx

you need to nail him on hte issue of right and wrong again and quickly becuase soon he will start to get arrested for pulling this kind of stupid stunt, and then the real trouble starts. Fear of parents is a great way to keep kids on the straight and narrow, sorry but softer treatment wont work cos he feels such a need to fit in with and impress his friends right now......and his future college career could be wrecked by an unnecessary record. If he is black, he has to be squeeky clean to get half as far, right? maybe he needs that speech again, as the deck in this country is still loaded against him unfortunately and the only way for him to win is to work very hard in school and keep his nose so clean it hurts....tell me I am wrong?
You also blame yourself, and so took the golf cart for a ride in your subconscious, which ahd quite a bit to tell you in that dream, like your sis problems and that one of your neighbors will not come to your aid...better to know who your friends are in advance...I would suggest home study and forced A's as punishment for his stupid stupid stealing trick. And get over it, he did it to impress his buddies, not cos you did anything wrong..most successful adults say that their parents were strict and hard on them, but dont regret it....

Neesoj,
My son has this attitude, that I just don't feel like I can deal with much longer, and I do feel sad for him, I try to talk to him, I tell him I love him and if he would just start listening and stop going around these kids he hangs around with getting into trouble, then things would be so much nicer and peaceful at home, but it just doesn't work with him.

never been afraid of you, has he? you are a softie, I dont hold up my mothers methods as any kind of childrearing standard, but 'scared straight' worked for us, none of us got arrested for anything, and we were just as bad and impressionable as other kids....however if he is a teenager, it might be a bit late to impress this kind of discipline on him.

We were so afraid of our parents giving us a wallop (or two) that we didnt do anything wrong! Yeah I stole some jelly bears candy but the shopkeeper busted me and I was so guilty I cried, and I remember feeling so ashamed, whatever was said to me as a kid really worked!!

I am not sure how you install a guilty conscious in a kid, but you definately need to be a bit tougher, and drag him to tthe lock up and get a cop to show him around or something...dont want to finish up on Peoples court....

I know my little brother reacted very shamefaced when my mother called him a moron for doing something stupid like that, he was smart enough to know he didnt want people to think he was jsut stupid, and going to finish up in a life of crime. Tell him smart people just dont do that crap, period. (which is not true, but waht can you do...) You could try telling him you dreamed and saw him in jail in future, and then throw a few tears...guilty might do it if he is very emotionally connected to you.

But you definately need to get tough!! Telling him you love him after he has gotten in trouble is like telling him you are a pushover...we were more afraid of our parents than the cops...which is why we didnt do stuff in the first place.....there must be a balance somewhere.

my son is not afraid of me at all. My disipline to him most of the time is grounding him in the house, but then while he is in the house there is alot of backtalk, he won't backtalk me in front of my husband, but when he's not around. I have had him for a tour at sargus juvenile center, he has been in front of a juvenile judge, it just seems like nothing scares him. I grounded him in the house for steeling two packs of cigs and he argued with me, demanding when he would be aloud out, to me he didn't take what he done serious, I told him he commited a crime and he could be in a juvenile detention center if the store owner would have pressed charges. I have 2 young children at home and I am afraid that they are going to have a messed up life watching him doing wrong, any ideas what makes kids so darn defiant.

cos we were scared straight from the getgo, we didnt do anything wrong cos it was clear to us that our parents would KILL us....

It seems he is a bit too old for the fear thing, he doesnt back talk your husband (it is his son or not?) so you might want to hand over taht duty to him?

Also, hit the library or internet for books on dealing with kids like this, and the psychology that can be applied, maturity is what he needs, and that usually takes a life changing event, like being ganged up on in a prison cell or watching a friend losing thier life to get thru to them....I dont envy you, good luck.
Actually, you know,if you can recieve, you can send, so why not try to sit in a chair and meditate, and focus on sending him silent messages to change the way he is responding to everything now...what do you have to lose? Your kids are connected to you no matter what, and although he is deliberately confronting and disobeying you, you still have that emotional and maybe psychic pull......good salespeople 'will' thier customers into buying all the time, why cant you sell him some maturity?