Hmm ... waitaminute, just checking something.

Encountering minor difficulty.
Whyfor don't forum want to accept post thingy?

Gack.

Damn, for some reason the forum won't let me post the text. No idea why. I tried creating ... didn't work. I tried sending the fragment in a reply. Didn't work.
Hmm ... maybe the terminal I'm on right now doesn't allow sending out larger amounts of pure text ... I get an error message stating that I've gotten the wrong URL.

Shall try to pot again from home. We'll see if that works. In a few hours, when I get done with my lectures.

Since I seem to be the only one without some story fragment posted ... here's a bit of something I'm working on. This happens at the beginning of Ten Years, maybe slightly before that.





It was a sun scorched world, little water anywhere, and it's atmosphere, though breathable for humans, was far from what would be considered safe, the occasional remenants of some long ago used chemical or biological agent possibly still floating around. The occasional settlements, or rather the ruins of the occasional settlements, were scattered over the globe, varying in size and the grade of disrepair.

All in all, it was not a pretty sight. Though there were worlds out there that were worse off than this, it was seeing an entire culture somehow wiped out that made shivers run up and down people's spines. It was as if one were looking into a cracked mirror, seeing what your home would have become if not for some twist in the run of things, if not for some freak chance.

Still, it needed to be charted, and given a rudimentary scan at least. They were being paid for it after all.

***

"Goddess this sucks" he whispered, even though there was nobody really paying attention. His suit was an old model vac-proofed multi enviromental exo-skeleton, not the best thing to go exploring in but it got the job done. The fact that it had been through as much as it had and the logs from routine overhauls showed only minimal wear and tear damage was comforting nonetheless.

It carried about five hours worth of oxygen, with a reserve tank for one hour at best, and was equipped with basic zero-g motivation thrusters that utilized an extremely compressable mixture of gasses. Of added tools this one carried only the shoulder cam with a direct link to the ship it had come from. True, the suit's own helmet camera could have been utilitzed, but it's resolution was grainy at best, and the outside version had a much better framerate anyway.

The reason for his quiet whisper, and the various gasps of shock that erupted from the monitoring crew on the bridge of the "Nay Never", was quite obvious. The corpses that littered the corridor he stood in, floating in the null gravity of the powered down living compartment.

The ship had been called "Vivacious", and been an explorer class vessel. Those were a good three to four hundred meters long in average, and bulky to boot. Designed for long trips and charting unexplored worlds the "Vivacious" utilized equipment that had been a little aged but sure at the time of its manufacture. The now unmoving rotational section that the crew inhabited during long transits as well as times in orbit was at about one third of the hull length, and not very much longer than that itself. Two huge ion thrusters, of a model that was considered outdated a good fifteen years ago, took up the rest of the ship up to the very end, and the front was a combination of bridge facilities, science labs and a small shuttle bay through which the man who was now standing within the "Vivacious" had gained entry.

The maglock boots providing for relatively easy movement he took a step forward, hesitantly reaching out to the nearest corpse. Interior lighting was still out, but coming well on the way, and they were on the level for emergency lights. The red glow that covered the hallway made for an even more gloomy vision, as did the now revealed details of the corpses.

-----------------------------------
-t-h-e--s-h-i-n-i-n-g--s-p-i-r-a-l-:
-t-e-n--y-e-a-r-s-

Wild Rover

a short story of the Shining Spiral
written by Griever 2002(c)
-----------------------------------

The "Nay Never" floated in space, keeping a steady bearing in relation to the stranded craft. It was a scavenger, or had once been, before the curret crew had gotten it's hands on it. After a few modifications it still fulfilled it's primary role well, but was a score more versatile than it had oriinally been.

Which did absolutely nothing to make it look like anything else than a randomly clodged together bunch of thrusters, at the end of a kludgy, thick hull that was topped off by a octagonally shaped foresection with the rotating living section in the middle. Measuring at slightly over three hundred meters in length and half that in diameter it was, quite simply, ugly. And not in an aesthetic way either. Just plain ugly.

Still, the crew considered her their home, and kept her in good condition, funds permitting.

"By the Gods" was ushered in a semi-silent whisper. Amazingly enough, the words were heard throughout the cluttered afair that passed for the ship's bridge. Richter was a spacer born and bred, and had lived over fourty years worth of time in almost constant transit, whether as crewman, cargo hand, advisor or officer. He'd seen many things that would have chilled any normal person to the bone and lived to tell the tale. At sixty he was still looking half his age, thanks to a combination of slight genetic nudges here and there, a prolong treatment, and one of his ancestors to whom he'd merely referred as an 'elf'. Hence the slightly pointy ears.

At the moment his face was as ashen as that of the other three currently on the bridge.

"Bleargh!! Aurgh ..." correction, two. One had turned slightly greenish and made use of the barf bags (standard accessory for any seat on a spaceship, be it crew or passenger).

The screen they were watching, a relatively small display on the tech's console, was being fed the video directly from the vac suit, in real time. They'd just caught sight of one of the corpses slowly rotating and facing the camera, mouth open in a silent scream ... not that unusual for death due to hard vacuum. What was unusual was the way the man seemed to have been gutted, crotch to neck. Needless to say that the sight of what intestines looked after a person's death and then exposion to hard vacuum was not really very pretty.

Another of the bridge crew went to use the barf bags.

"*Have I mentioned how much this sucked yet?*" came a question from the man in the suit, his voice dryly sarcastic.

"Yeah" Kalia was a synthoid, a biomechanical attempt to copy a human. She was sentient, and quite intelligent by any standards. She was also highly sensitive to human emotions such as stress, anger and fear, and it was one of her main objectives to negate or lessen them. Morale officer would be a good description.

She didn't use the barf bag not because she wasn't capable of feeling revulsion. She simply had superior self-control.

"*Well, I'm saying it again.*"

"We _get_ it, alright!?" Richter raised his voice, still unnerved by the brutality of the injuries.

"*Kay, kay. No need to get pissed at the middle-man. Whoever ... whatever did this ... I'll check the others. Maybe we're lucky and this one was ... hell, I don't know, gutted by falling debris or junk or something.*"

Nobody mentioned the fact that the way their luck had been running lately it was unlikely. Nobody mentioned that there was no sign of any sort of hull damage in that section. Nobody mentioned the lack of floating debris of any sort. They were aware of those things all too well, still ...

"Hope springs eternal" Richter muttered under his breath.

tbc.






I know, pretty cliche. But for some reason it lets itself be written well. (the potential for a story is always there, the hard part is convincing said story to allow itself to be written down, they like their freedom you know.)

And yes, I know I tend to write drag-on sentences.

In overall configuration the "Nay Never" and the "Vivacious" are similar, I know. That's just because I reckon that it's a fairly simple and therefore common configuration. I think I'd rate the first at about a hundred to a hundred and fifty kilotons, the second somewhere about two hundred to two fifty.

Comments, suggestions, sharp pointy bits?

-Griever
'hope springs eternal in the human breast, man never is, but always to be blessed.'

>It was a sun scorched world, little water anywhere, and it's atmosphere, though breathable for humans, was far from what would be considered safe, the occasional remenants of some long ago used chemical or biological agent possibly still floating around. The occasional settlements, or rather the ruins of the occasional settlements, were scattered over the globe, varying in size and the grade of disrepair.<

ding ding ding we have a winner, two run on sentences in a row, triple use of occasional, and double use of settlements...

I would sugest changing it to(Spell check this I haven't done so):
-It was a desert-type world; nothing unusual, except for the occasional remenants of some chemical or biological agent used long ago. The occasional settlements, or rather the ruins thereoff, were scattered over the globe, varying in size and the grade of disrepair.-

>It was as if one were looking into a cracked mirror, seeing what your home would have become if not for some twist in the run of things, if not for some freak chance.<

This sounds odd, you might want to change the wording a little. Try breaking it up.

>Still, it needed to be charted, and given a rudimentary scan at least. They were being paid for it after all.<

Who would pay for this kind of work? From what (addmitely little) I know of this world ther are not many that would.

>"Goddess this sucks" he whispered, even though there was nobody really paying attention. His suit was an old model vac-proofed multi enviromental exo-skeleton, not the best thing to go exploring in but it got the job done. The fact that it had been through as much as it had and the logs from routine overhauls showed only minimal wear and tear damage was comforting nonetheless.<

He, who is he? Is he like Dr.Who, except without the Dr. and he instead of Who? I strongly suggest replacing the first he with a name.

>It carried about five hours worth of oxygen, with a reserve tank for one hour at best, and was equipped with basic zero-g motivation thrusters that utilized an extremely compressable mixture of gasses. Of added tools this one carried only the shoulder cam with a direct link to the ship it had come from. True, the suit's own helmet camera could have been utilitzed, but it's resolution was grainy at best, and the outside version had a much better framerate anyway.<

Try to break up the first sentence, it would improve the flow. Rewording the second one sounds like a good idea since it reads oddly. Third sentence is usable, but it could be improved by some rewording. Maybe something like this:

-It carried about five hours worth of oxygen, with a reserve tank for one hour more at best. The suit used a set of basic zero-g motivation thrusters which utilized an extremely compressable mixture of gasses. At the moment it was equiped with the shoulder cam that maintained a direct link to the ship it had come from. While the suit's own helmet camera could have been utilitzed, the external version offered supperior performance.-

>The now unmoving rotational section that the crew inhabited during long transits as well as times in orbit was at about one third of the hull length, and not very much longer than that itself.<

I'm a little confused by this sentence, but if I understand it perhaps it wouold be better stated as:
-The now unmoving rotational section that the crew inhabited at practicaly all times was at about one third of the hull length, and a little wider than that.-

>Two huge ion thrusters, of a model that was considered outdated a good fifteen years ago, took up the rest of the ship up to the very end, and the front was a combination of bridge facilities, science labs and a small shuttle bay through which the man who was now standing within the "Vivacious" had gained entry.<

Again, break it up. I know I'm prone to the same error myself and I seldom know how to fix it so here is a suggestion:
-Two huge ion thrusters, [type/name](such as 'Humanx BRc-2003' or something. It would indicate which part of the galaxy you are probably in, and considering how large and diverse the galaxy is that is useful information.), a model that was considered outdated a good fifteen years ago, took up the rest of the ship up to the very end. The front was a combination of bridge facilities, science labs and a small shuttle bay through which the man who was now standing within the "Vivacious" had gained entry.-

The rest is fairly good, there are a few very nice parts, but I didn't comment on them because they don't need improving. ^_^
I hope I didn't sound to brutal, and it is always easier to find flaws in someone elses work than your own.
I liked it, keep up the good work.

-Catty N. Nebulart

http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/cattynebulart/index.html

WHAM (sound of head impacting on desk)
Owchies.

Yeah. One of these day's I'll learn to take my own advice to heart and actually re-read the bloody thing rather than posting on impulse.
Corrections will be applied to text immediately.

As for the name of the guy in the vac-suit, that's mentioned in the next fragment. I'd planned on playing with drama a little here.

Thanks for the input.

-Griever
'I may even spellcheck next time!'