I don't really have much to add except to sympathize
I have to agree, your Dr doesn't really know. If it's not a fertility Dr, then they will do an FSH reading any old time and declare perimenopause based on that number.
If you haven't had your AF (period) in 2 months, then you can ask to have a progesterone pill for 10 days to prompt an AF and then get a blood test done on day 3. Make sure the requisition asks for FSH and estrogen. Then ask to have a progesterone blood work done for days 26-28 assuming your next AF will be on time.
Meanwhile you can read up until your eyes dry up
My own quest is done, I was lucky and now have two little miracles but I lurk here infrequently and just had to respond to your post.
One book that helped me was Taking Charge Of Your Fertility.
I did a few tricks that only helped me feel like I was doing something at least. My rule of thumb was try something for 3 cycles and then move on.
I bought the cheapest OPKs (ovulation predictor kit) at saveontests.com and did them daily. In fact, doing them daily and all day long during the follicular phase helped me to find that my surge disappears by afternoon, right when they say to start testing with the OPKs. So in my case, I test with second urine in the morning, not drinking water until then either. I guess I drink too much water and made the tests inaccurate too. This worked for me. They are cheap enough (50¢ each or so) that using them at every pee was easy.
I also did some TCM (traditional chinese medicine) I cooked up and drank the herbs my TCM Dr gave me, for 5 cycles (I know, broke my rule but what the heck) and this helped calm down my hormones--I didn't get blood tests but not getting AF or having it for a whole month got me running to the TCM Dr. I could see a difference that first month, better CM (cervical mucous) and on-time AFs.
I also swear by eating a grapefruit daily. Seriously. It helped me. HAs something to do with estrogen and how the body processes it or recognizes it. CAn't hurt, right? Unless you are on drugs that contraindicates eating grapefruit (like some cholesterol reducing meds)
and finally, I bought some Pre-seed, a sperm friendly lubricant. I used the lubricant meant to be inserted. Felt natural (much better than egg whites--I tried a lot of tricks, I tell you) and I didn't even tell DH because the egg whites totally grossed him out. lol
I don't know if you are overweight, I am and every time I do a low carb diet (basically eliminate sugars and grains but keep fruits and brown rice and good protein) I got pg. It's actually the best eating for my body type and brain since I am addicted to sugar.
I too missed AF for 2 months and got FSH tested by GP and it was 45. After 4mos of no AF, got the bw done again and it was 8 BUT my estrogen was close to 400. Despite that crazy high Estorgen, my GP declared that my FSH was normal. Goes to show you that GPs' general knowledge of fertility doesn't help those in our situation. My RE would have said (and has said) that high estorgen artificially lowers the FSH, it's still high.
I hope you all don't mind I sort of barged in
I usually hang out on the playgroup bb but just had to chime in. I know how hard this all is, it can be so discouraging. When I think of all the years wasted on trying to prevent pg. lol
My ttc journey started when I was 29 with an FSH of 13, final count of 26 at age 33 and same at age 38 when I conc my second miracle.
Took me 4 yrs of ttc for my DS and 3yrs for my DD. Not ttc now. I am 42, we have two and most days I wish we were ttc#3 but my bio-clock is sayin' not going to happen.