Sorry I could not write more last night! And I am so sorry you had a crappy night! Grr!
Sit back and relax, this is going to be LONG!
1) The hospital you went to, which is really good, is also really worried about their pg rates. In other words: They pride themselves on: "Our average number of cycles for getting someone pg is..." They get a lot of business by seeing people who want results NOW and get people in the door due to their good numbers/high rates of PG's. Heck, it's why I first went to them, too! And that is why they kicked me out... I was going to be bad for their numbers!
2) I think, in my TOTALLY non-medical option, that the Dr. suggested this course of action for two reasons: first, if he does IVF and PGD testing then they are hugely upping the chances of a successful outcome. They are stacking the deck, so to speak, since they will know that only healthy embryos are being used. And second becasue of our ages, those over 37 ladies, we have a higher chance of issues. He is not wrong that his course of treatment would be good... if you had unlimited resources, which many of his patients do! Could it work for you? Yes. Is it the only way... I don't think so is my guess. And, your eggs can't "suck", or he would not even think to try IVF. HE just wants to insure you get a great egg, that's all.
3) Let yourself be sad, yes, but chose right now that this will not define you and is a set back, not an end. Chose to be positive because it is too easy to be negative and it's too easy a trap to fall into. FIGHT! Don't let yourself! BE STRONG!
4) 10,000 at another clinic could go a LOT further, especially if drugs are on a separate insurance. At Cooper (and I am not saying cooper is right for you but I am using it as an example) 10,000 could get you though 2 IVF's, if drugs are not in the 10,000. It would also get you though TONS of tests and monitoring if you don't do IVF.
5) Don't be mad at God or your traditions! Find comfort in them! Someone posted an "angry at god" comment a few weeks ago and there was a beautiful response. Take what comfort you can in faith and know that you are a smart person who can figure this out! I know it sounds tacky but counting your blessings really helps, even when this feeling overwhelming. Yes, this is horrible and unfair and sucks big time, totally! But, it's not life or death (even if it feels that way!) and, unlike other medical issues, there are other ways to achieve your dream if you need to!
You have a home, a DH how loves you, insurance and CHOICES! Those are HUGE blessings not all of us have! Don't let yourself be mad a God, he's not mad at you!
6) Since this is, sort of, just starting for you, chose who you are going to be though this. I mean, chose if you want to be the woman who takes in in stride and keeps her marriage strong, the well informed one, the one who lets things go as they will, the proactive one... whatever roll you want. At first it may seem strained to force yourself to play a part but after a while it becomes second nature! I chose to be positive and try to help others with what I have learned. I chose to keep my marriage strong and be excited over others success, thinking: "OK, thank God they don't have to go though this, too!" It is totally up to you but easier to pick now than try to change later. I know a lot of women who have let this ruin their lives and dull their world. If possible it is something to avoid!
So, I have taken what you said in your first post and broken it up. PLEASE understand, this is only my guess, my opinion is only worth what you paid for it!
Your comment is in quotes, my comment starts with two
"He told me off the bat...IVF with some other procedure..may have been something starting with a P? (I was so nervous I didnt write down the name of this procedure..."
**Like I said, great course of action if money was not issue!
"and Im pissed that my husband didnt either because I told him in advance to friggin take notes!!!!!!!!!"
**I understand but remember your DH is going though this, too and is hearing it all and not only feeling his emotions but worrying about you and your health, too plus hearing terms he has never heard before... I'd forgive him this one!
"but a test on the embryos they do to make sure they are healthy before IVF I think as soon as he said IVF I shut down."
can't blame you, it's sooo much to take in plus you have stuff your voice in your head try to not listen too... we have ALL been there!
"Because I was hoping that he would have recommended drugs or IUI first."
**He want this to resolve quickly for you and so suggested an aggressive action plan. Not a bad idea but maybe not for you.
"We cant afford IVF and I'm devastated. Maybe if I sell my car and the contents of my house and the little jewlery I have we could afford it...which I would consider doing if we need to.I would."
This is a personal choice but personally... DON'T DO THAT! If, heaven forbid, this doesn't work out and you are looking into all the other ways to be a parent that are open to you you will need those resources! Or, what if this does
work and you have twins or a child that needs extra help? DON'T go into debt if there is any way to avoid it! All of this is a gamble, don't gamble more than you can afford to lose.
"He examined me, looked at my ovaries and said they look good."
**BRILLIANT! That is a really great sign! (My visit there they did blood but did not even bother to examine me, no point since I was such a lot cause to them.)
"He ordered blood for DH (which he had today) and an SA, which he will have Thursday."
**Don't bother with the SA if you are going to see another Dr. Almost all do their own tests and use their own scale of evaluation so it doesn't matter much. Save the money! Plus, make sure DH has a referral, if you need one, or he'll get charged as well!
"Also, for me, day 3 blood work...he is going to do genetic testing and run the full gammet...and, he wants me to have a hysterogram which I have to schedule the first day of my period which should be on or around December 16th."
Yes! Great! Absolutely! But, all of this can be done though your OBGYN and NOT charged to your IF coverage! And, you can still try that month, no worries! If by hysterogram you mean HSG then there is a SLIGHT raise in fertility after having one. I am interested that he wants it day 1 of your cycle? Read this link:http://infertility.about.com/od/infertilitytesting/a/hsg.htm
"He told me with my age being 39, I have to be aggressive."
"He said he never prescribes injectible drugs to women...which I didnt understand because on other boards, I have seen women with DOR/High FSH do Femara+gonalF+ovidrel+ Timed Intercourse+prometrium...."
**There must have been a miss communication here? I mean, you'd do injections for an IVF cycle, right? Did he mean for natraurl cycles? Still, Odd. Not sure on this part.
"I know everyone case is different but now all I feel is defeated and that IVF is it or no baby."
No, this was him option for getting you success quickly. Not the only path, just the quickest and easiest.
"I asked about IUI but he said the chances with IUI for me are 10%?"
I don't get that or how he could make that guess with the info he has since they are not sure of the reason for your losses but OK. Maybe he mean only 10% more
than trying natrually? I think he is betting that you are having losses due to chromosomal issues, even though one tested was normal.
"Im still going to do acupuncture."
**helps for some, not for others. Go if you find it helpful and relaxing but don't let it add stress! Be careful of the herbs, though. If you don't really now what you are taking then you don't know how they interact with other things. I think they are fine if that is all you are doing but if you are working with an RE I might skip those.
"We cant try next month either because of this damn hysterogram...so we cant try for a baby naturally again until the end of January!so now Im upset that we will be wasting 2 months and really, we only tried to conceive 2x since losing the baby in August."
Disagree! People get PG after HSG, we used to have two on this board! You should try if you want but you might want to wait until you have a better answer to your losses.
"Im very confused...not really sure what to think. Do we jump into IVF or try naturally."
that is ALWAYS the question. This is a "Follow your heart" choice. If you DO try this month make sure you ask your DR to test your progesterone levels and give you support if they are low. This is also a common cause of miscarriage.
"I did get pregnant but he said "yes but look you miscarried, the eggs may not have been good quality" In my mind now, Im afraid if I did get pregnant naturally, I may have another miss. Which I know could be the case with IVF or anything else."
You are right, you totally run that risk until you have a greater idea of what is going on. Personally, I'd wait for a second opinion and to get the test results. I would think better to two two cycles than to have to go though another possible loss.
"We meet with him again January 9th...to go over results..I wish IVF was not so expensive. I feel overwhelmed right now. Thanks for reading this."
I REALLY would have a second opinion first. IVF is expensive but you were at the Tiffany's of IVF places! And, IVF does not really answer your losses...
I am only mentioning Cooper because after going though THREE RE's I have had the best results with Cooper. Now, my situation is very different from yours, I have never had a BFP and was starting with menopause symptoms but I am using them as an example. ( The ladies on this board really encouraged me to go to Cooper and, for me, it has been great!
Anyway, here are their costs:http://www.ccivf.com/costs_for_ivf.html
So, as you can see, it does not have to be sooo expensive. Also, with your coverage, are you paying a % of the bill or is it covered completely? I ask because I used to have GREAT coverage but I had to pay 50% of the bill and that company, Cigna, was willing to pay some of the highest rates to the infertility places... Different insurance has different rates they pay the clinic for the same tests! In other words: They were willing to pay 140$ for blood work and I had to pay 70$ of that! My current insurance is crappy but, oddly, I pay less because they will only pay $50 for blood work. (They only cover blood work, they suck!) It's all so odd! But, depending on what you pay, if you go to a place like Cooper, you might look into their package program and pay for some things yourself... you might save money, oddly!
And, as far as blood and SA, they want their own tests, too. Genetic and HSG are done somewhere else so go get those, but call your OBGNY and ask THEM to order them to save you money! Make sure they code it NOT under IF but as "unspecified loss" or something like that.
BUT: Cooper is a long drive. I am a freelancer so can make the drive most of the time. I looked into doing my testing here in NY and could not find a place. If you can get into Manhattan easily there is a place on the East Side but for me, with the LIRR and everything, it would take an hour plus each way and peek tickets... so it was not much more for me to drive to Cooper. (From the Queens/Nassau boarded/Throgs Neck Bridge area it is 2 hours down to Cooper and, with gas and tolls, about 60$. Yes, much more than the 24 to got to Manhattan but, if I drive down, Cooper takes a bit off my bill.) For me I am still saving to go down there and I find that the service is better when they get to know you! And, I like the staff a lot! However, they are not great about being sensitive to the fact I am coming from so far... There are times they have wanted me to come in three days in a row! UGGG! But, if you go there, we can chat about that!
OK, I know this is a lot and I did not even get into your second post but this should cover most of that, too!
Most importantly: HANG IN THERE! You are missing some KEY data and the answer could be around the corner!
We have one lady here, who is now on the PG board, who had a number of tragic losses at 12 weeks... her story is slightly different than yours but finally she seems to have found the right answer and is currently 15/16 weeks! There is hope!
Hugs to you!