I think you need to take a breakDecember 22 2011 at 6:39 AM
|Laura (no login)|
Response to I feel like a horrible person
The amount of stress hormone you produce as a result of such anger will impede your ability to get pg, no matter how many drugs you take. You are isolating yourself from everyone around you. Don't know if you have a DH but if you do, you are seriously hurting him with your anger, even if he doesn't show it. You said it yourself. You are being horribly selfish. The fact that you realize it yet continue to act on it makes me think you are seriously depressed and need to not only find a new therapist, but investigate antidepressants that will help restore a chemical imbalance in your brain that is causing you to feel this way.
But as for this forum, if you can't be happy for those who succeed, don't go posting on here that you're UNHAPPY for them. That's unproductive and might make you feel better for 30 seconds, but as you can see, you are not going to get a good response, so you will ultimately feel worse that "nobody understands you." If you need somewhere to vent, feel free to email me, I will listen. I won't judge. I might not respond, but I will read them. [my name] dot e dot jewe tt at gmail.
However, I think you have serious problems much deeper than IF. You can blame them on IF for now, but even if you have a healthy child from OE, they will not go away. They will get worse. If you don't see the beauty in life now, how are you going to see beauty and blessings when you aren't sleeping more than 4-5 hours in a row? For AT LEAST a year? Two? FIVE?
So I think you need a break. Even if it seems you don't have time to "waste" believe me, you are wasting more time being angry. Take a break from all things IF, except counseling. A grief counselor is a good suggestion. Continue to take supplements, acupuncture, etc, but stop the RE appts, POAS (unless you miss AF and really might be pg), OPK, etc. Do a weekend cleanse, bikram yoga, or anything that will get extraneous toxins out of your body. Find a new hobby, look for a new job, do something to take your focus away from IF.
Just a question: have you ever tried a gluten-free diet? I have a friend who was depressed and tried everything (even antidepressants), and it turns out she was gluten-intolerant. Within a few days of being gluten-free, she said she felt like a different person and was like "oh, THIS is what life is supposed to be like!!"
I really do wish you the best.
- Another great post n/t - DeeinNYC on Dec 22, 6:49 AM
- Totally agree with this - AJ on Dec 22, 7:00 AM