Dear Teresa-I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know that my words will not take away the pain or frustration you are feeling, but I wanted you to know that I can totally relate to how you feel. IF SUCKS. It truly does. It takes something away from us, like a part of us that we can never get back. And it's definitely not fair. I felt exactly like you when my IVF got canceled. I cried so much, I was so angry, and I told DH that I was done. Then we did something we haven't done in a LONG time. We tried to make the best of it and we went and did things we haven't done in 1.5 years or more...went to see a movie. Visited the seashore. Walked the boardwalk. Went to the zoo. Visited the park. Went to AC and played roulette (well, we were "stuck" in NJ for 4 days so we had to go, right : ) ) Wow...it was FUN. (well maybe not as fun as it should have been, but it was fun doing stuff together!) I realized we hadn't done most of things in SOOOO long. WOW, what an eye opener!!
So, what's my point? I know you have mentioned that you feel like you've not enjoyed life much lately, so I hope you go out and start doing the stuff you used to enjoy with DH. I had forgotten how important it really was. We (like you) got married 2 years ago, and pretty much since then we've been strapped on the IF rollercoaster ride (and I know this is a very short time compared to many people here)...but gosh, we have to make time for ourselves and enjoy life. We really do.
I also just wanted to say something else...the message in Alli's link is very powerful...I hope you have read it by now
Sometimes we have to just open our eyes or listen for the "sign". You will know it when you see it. Maybe you have seen your sign, and not known it. Or, maybe you haven't gotten the sign yet. We have no idea what the sign will be, or what is in store for the future, but I truly believe that whatever your sign is it will lead you and your DH to something beautiful and wonderful, because you are a genuine, caring person. And whatever happens or what that sign is, I hope you keep us posted
Sending you many hugs,
Nancy
xxooxx